Sometimes as you know it takes something to slip away; become lost; die... for us to realize how much the thing place or person meant to us. What do you miss. It’s okay to miss but also it’s nice to think kindly to of good times with that thing place or person.
I miss my brother. I miss his chuckle I miss his face we were like twins. I love him today but not like I did in the 70s 80s 90s because it all seems like a dream and this is sad to me. But I pray for him and look at his picture from time to time.
I lost a necklace a dear friend had made for me. I was so sad. I then realized of the true value I felt for it. I’m glad I lost it because before I lost it I did not appreciate it as much. It was later found.
I will die. Do I want to die now. I think I wouldn’t mind. I’m tired in life. But if right now a dark angel came to take me from my children wouldn’t I fight to stay with them?
I’m a bit messy in my mind ... it’s like I want one thing yet the opposite as well. I confuse myself. I just want some reassurance from God you know!? Like a sign so that I can relax a little and do my thing without trying to be wonder woman all the time. You know I saved three lives within past three years so I guess I’m supposed to be here ....son needed epi pen mom choking son choking ... god I’m so done you know and that’s how my brother took his life- by hanging- my neck is very sensitive from it. I’m always on edge. I’m so tired of waiting for the next bad thing to happen.