Sometimes as you know it takes something to slip away; become lost; die... for us to realize how much the thing place or person meant to us. What do you miss. It’s okay to miss but also it’s nice to think kindly to of good times with that thing place or person.
I miss my brother. I miss his chuckle I miss his face we were like twins. I love him today but not like I did in the 70s 80s 90s because it all seems like a dream and this is sad to me. But I pray for him and look at his picture from time to time.
I lost a necklace a dear friend had made for me. I was so sad. I then realized of the true value I felt for it. I’m glad I lost it because before I lost it I did not appreciate it as much. It was later found.
I will die. Do I want to die now. I think I wouldn’t mind. I’m tired in life. But if right now a dark angel came to take me from my children wouldn’t I fight to stay with them?
I’m a bit messy in my mind ... it’s like I want one thing yet the opposite as well. I confuse myself. I just want some reassurance from God you know!? Like a sign so that I can relax a little and do my thing without trying to be wonder woman all the time. You know I saved three lives within past three years so I guess I’m supposed to be here ....son needed epi pen mom choking son choking ... god I’m so done you know and that’s how my brother took his life- by hanging- my neck is very sensitive from it. I’m always on edge. I’m so tired of waiting for the next bad thing to happen.
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Starrlight
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I'm glad you are here, Starr. Your posts make me think, and when you are doing well, I see that things can get better, and when you are doing poorly I'm reminded of how lucky I am right now. Your posts are a conversation with us, and I'm better for reading them.
Don't wait for bad things to happen, this leaves little hope for better days. Instead, embrace the good things that happen and cherish each of them, when they present themselves.
I am so sorry that you lost your beloved brother, Starrlight. 🙁
Your words fit your photo so well. A few solitary flowers, one standing tall in the shade. To one side is light, as you say, “the light of hope shining on”. Like life, shade and light. Beautiful and thought provoking photo and words. 🙂🌤
Thanks. I feel like just this empty space inside not entirely empty just a part of me needing help and I guess I’ll ask it what it needs...that’s the dark part I guess the light is hope that I’ll figure it out
Hugs Dear Starrlight. Remember to look for the joy & hold onto them. I hope your walk helped. I've been keeping an eye out for wildlife while we're on our trip... it helps ground me & brings me joy. Seen several of these guys running around. 💗
She grabbed a baby bird the other day 😬didn’t end well …..I couldn’t grab it quick enough ….little sod ….I love that lizard 🦎 one of them a toad and a snappy turtle 😃…hope you are well lovely mel
Oh, no... Hans luckily has not done anything like that.😊 I'm enjoying our vacation.. though it is very hot here. We went to a couple of wineries today... one had a super cute English bulldog 💗🐶💗. How are you & the Ms. T?
These dark thoughts can become bad habits if you dont challenge and replace them. God only wants good for His children but we can block His goodness with dark thoughts like you are entertaining. I know I have been there.(My boyfriend commited suicide 3 years ago) It takes effort and practice but you can control your thought life and thus change your reality into a good one You and your children deserve it!.🙂All the best to you!😍
I’m sorry for your loss. For me it’s mostly the intrusive thoughts that get in the way - I can’t help it. I can distract myself and replace them with better thoughts but they just pop up.
I understand. That used to happen to me. I had a counselor 2 years ago who told me to :"capture" each negative intrusive thought and basically throw them out of my head. However what she didnt understand was they were coming too fast and furious and that I couldn't stop them all.🤒 Later I found out it was due to the PTSD I was suffering. 😔I am much better now though. 😏 I hope you will be too with more time and healing 🙏💗
As with Tara, I lost my husband to suicide, after he was made redundant. this was 30 years ago. I have made it through, admittedly only because of my children, who needed me.
They are now 34 and 32. You can do it, even though it may appear very hard.
It is indeed amazing, Midori, just how strong we can be. I have always believed that we who suffer anxiety and depression are incredibly strong, we have to be.
It's been 4 years since my mother passed away and it hasn't been a day that i wouldn't remember her. I think i have PTSD because there are physical symptoms like shortness of breath when memories overtake..So just like you, i feel tired of life. My child is older now and he doesn't need me as much and it becomes harder to find that purpose of pushing through. Yet somehow i know i should. Through sweat tears and sorrow because my mom would want to see me happy. Your brother too, you meant a lot to him and it seems it wasn't just one life spent together
I prayed to GOD To Help me Get Away from the man I was with (he trafficed me) and Within Days I Had ppl offering me Help and Support and it's been 3 weeks since I escaped and I'm doing SO MUCH BETTER Bc GOD Gave me A Way OUT. GOD BLESS YOU 🙏
You pray for me??!? Wow thank you! I am praying for you right now. I feel amazing right now. I’m on a park bench just walked for two hours bones one my foot hurt a bit but other than that I feel amazing. What are you up to Lolanell?
P.s. I met a friend accidentally and we walked togrther and with my dog and it was great but as I feel amazing there honestly is a bit of a sad stillness a lost piece of me never to be whole again ... my brother is in my mind a lot.
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I’m so sad
Desperate mother! 
