everything eventually slips away TRIGGER-involving death by suicide and accidents which can be anxiety provoking don’t read if vulnerable

[Starrlight]

Sometimes as you know it takes something to slip away; become lost; die... for us to realize how much the thing place or person meant to us. What do you miss. It’s okay to miss but also it’s nice to think kindly to of good times with that thing place or person.

I miss my brother. I miss his chuckle I miss his face we were like twins. I love him today but not like I did in the 70s 80s 90s because it all seems like a dream and this is sad to me. But I pray for him and look at his picture from time to time.

I lost a necklace a dear friend had made for me. I was so sad. I then realized of the true value I felt for it. I’m glad I lost it because before I lost it I did not appreciate it as much. It was later found.

I will die. Do I want to die now. I think I wouldn’t mind. I’m tired in life. But if right now a dark angel came to take me from my children wouldn’t I fight to stay with them?

I’m a bit messy in my mind ... it’s like I want one thing yet the opposite as well. I confuse myself. I just want some reassurance from God you know!? Like a sign so that I can relax a little and do my thing without trying to be wonder woman all the time. You know I saved three lives within past three years so I guess I’m supposed to be here ....son needed epi pen mom choking son choking ... god I’m so done you know and that’s how my brother took his life- by hanging- my neck is very sensitive from it. I’m always on edge. I’m so tired of waiting for the next bad thing to happen.

[c-mac]

I'm glad you are here, Starr. Your posts make me think, and when you are doing well, I see that things can get better, and when you are doing poorly I'm reminded of how lucky I am right now. Your posts are a conversation with us, and I'm better for reading them.

[Starrlight in reply to c-mac]

You. Are. Beautifully. Awesome.

[Hidden]

Don't wait for bad things to happen, this leaves little hope for better days. Instead, embrace the good things that happen and cherish each of them, when they present themselves.

I am so sorry that you lost your beloved brother, Starrlight. 🙁

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

You are so right. Thank you ☺️

[Sillysausage234]

Hopefully this stinky mood passes over soon for you .

[Starrlight in reply to Sillysausage234]

Yup thanks I’m going to go on an hour or more walk ...that should help

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Starrlight]

Peaceful walk in and about nature always blows some cobwebs away ….hope something inspires another starrlight picture

[Rachmaninov2]

I hope your walk helps you Starrlight, I know you love nature so I thought I would send you some flowers.

Flowers for Starrlight.

[Starrlight in reply to Rachmaninov2]

Rach they are beautiful thank you! Here’s one for you and Silly

Flowers- makes me think of times feeling alone yet there’s the light of hope shining on

[Rachmaninov2 in reply to Starrlight]

Your words fit your photo so well. A few solitary flowers, one standing tall in the shade. To one side is light, as you say, “the light of hope shining on”. Like life, shade and light. Beautiful and thought provoking photo and words. 🙂🌤

[Starrlight in reply to Rachmaninov2]

Thanks. I feel like just this empty space inside not entirely empty just a part of me needing help and I guess I’ll ask it what it needs...that’s the dark part I guess the light is hope that I’ll figure it out

[melbrown]

Hugs Dear Starrlight. Remember to look for the joy & hold onto them. I hope your walk helped. I've been keeping an eye out for wildlife while we're on our trip... it helps ground me & brings me joy. Seen several of these guys running around. 💗

Lizard near plant.

[Starrlight in reply to melbrown]

Ahhhhhhh sooooo cute! I love lizards. Have fun!

[Sillysausage234 in reply to melbrown]

😃….i need one

[melbrown in reply to Sillysausage234]

lol... they are fast little buggers. Your terrier might enjoy "hunting" them 😄

[Sillysausage234 in reply to melbrown]

She grabbed a baby bird the other day 😬didn’t end well …..I couldn’t grab it quick enough ….little sod ….I love that lizard 🦎 one of them a toad and a snappy turtle 😃…hope you are well lovely mel

[melbrown in reply to Sillysausage234]

Oh, no... Hans luckily has not done anything like that.😊 I'm enjoying our vacation.. though it is very hot here. We went to a couple of wineries today... one had a super cute English bulldog 💗🐶💗. How are you & the Ms. T?

[Sillysausage234 in reply to melbrown]

Hope you got lots of nice wine ….we are good thanks Mel just showed Luna another holiday snap from last year 😄

[Tara52]

These dark thoughts can become bad habits if you dont challenge and replace them. God only wants good for His children but we can block His goodness with dark thoughts like you are entertaining. I know I have been there.(My boyfriend commited suicide 3 years ago) It takes effort and practice but you can control your thought life and thus change your reality into a good one You and your children deserve it!.🙂All the best to you!😍

[Starrlight in reply to Tara52]

I’m sorry for your loss. For me it’s mostly the intrusive thoughts that get in the way - I can’t help it. I can distract myself and replace them with better thoughts but they just pop up.

[Tara52 in reply to Starrlight]

I understand. That used to happen to me. I had a counselor 2 years ago who told me to :"capture" each negative intrusive thought and basically throw them out of my head. However what she didnt understand was they were coming too fast and furious and that I couldn't stop them all.🤒 Later I found out it was due to the PTSD I was suffering. 😔I am much better now though. 😏 I hope you will be too with more time and healing 🙏💗

[Starrlight in reply to Tara52]

Exactly. (((((((( Tara ))))))) ❤️

[Midori]

As with Tara, I lost my husband to suicide, after he was made redundant. this was 30 years ago. I have made it through, admittedly only because of my children, who needed me.

They are now 34 and 32. You can do it, even though it may appear very hard.

Cheers, Midori

[Starrlight in reply to Midori]

❤️ sorry for your loss. I am glad you remained strong

[Midori]

You too are stronger than you know. It is amazing where the strength comes from when needed.

[Hidden in reply to Midori]

It is indeed amazing, Midori, just how strong we can be. I have always believed that we who suffer anxiety and depression are incredibly strong, we have to be.

[Starrlight in reply to Midori]

Thanks beautiful Midori

[Roia]

It's been 4 years since my mother passed away and it hasn't been a day that i wouldn't remember her. I think i have PTSD because there are physical symptoms like shortness of breath when memories overtake..So just like you, i feel tired of life. My child is older now and he doesn't need me as much and it becomes harder to find that purpose of pushing through. Yet somehow i know i should. Through sweat tears and sorrow because my mom would want to see me happy. Your brother too, you meant a lot to him and it seems it wasn't just one life spent together

[Starrlight in reply to Roia]

You are beautiful and thank you. Sorry about what you go through missing you mom.

[SpitFire2018]

I prayed to GOD To Help me Get Away from the man I was with (he trafficed me) and Within Days I Had ppl offering me Help and Support and it's been 3 weeks since I escaped and I'm doing SO MUCH BETTER Bc GOD Gave me A Way OUT. GOD BLESS YOU 🙏

[Starrlight in reply to SpitFire2018]

Wow. God bless you. Best to you.

[SpitFire2018 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank You 💝

[lolanell]

I pray for you thanks for being so honest . Things will get better. Keep asking for help.

[Starrlight in reply to lolanell]

You pray for me??!? Wow thank you! I am praying for you right now. I feel amazing right now. I’m on a park bench just walked for two hours bones one my foot hurt a bit but other than that I feel amazing. What are you up to Lolanell?

P.s. I met a friend accidentally and we walked togrther and with my dog and it was great but as I feel amazing there honestly is a bit of a sad stillness a lost piece of me never to be whole again ... my brother is in my mind a lot.

[lolanell]

Glad u feel great….I hope it continues

[Starrlight in reply to lolanell]

❤️ ❤️ ❤️