What? Happy New Year??

[WhydidIgetthisway]

I am so disappointed in myself... I was doing pretty good before all the Holiday Season things kicked in - took steps not to isolate - even got involved in putting on a "Blue Christmas" service at church for people depressed/anxious/grieving... really enjoyed working on that... also did two other very public things and was so proud of myself because last year, I was pretty much a total hermit. Idk, all the talk of the New Year and how wonderful it's going to be and it's a fresh start and grab the gusto business just put me in a very bad place - like I got scared... scared that I will fail and go back into hiding... and so, I've been drinking (not to the point of getting drunk, but a good buzz) it's just been my way of stopping the pain and overthinking. Problem is, it makes the antidepressant I'm on not work as well I think... I take 300mg Wellbutrin XL... started with 100 mg this past July and slowly worked up to 300... at first I liked it alot but now at 300, I really can't see any difference. Guess I need to not drink at all again for me to tell if it's working. I can go with no alcohol usually with no problem - but I'm in a funk right now and cannot shake it - don't want to workout - hard to focus - the self flagellation/self hatred is taking over... I'm in a good Depression group therapy and I would like to see my therapist more often, but Kaiser doesn't really believe in weekly appointments - also they don't like you doing both the group therapy and individual therapy - and I love the camaraderie of the group so don't want to stop it. Oh I also have Xanax which I usually take half a tab at night to help shut down my brain - pretty much can't sleep w/o it now... just wanted to reach out and see if anyone responds... thanks

[Sunshine425]

Hey whydidIgetthisway its ok! ♡ a few days feeling like your in "a funk" is ok. I go through it too. I have days where I feel productive and go out and enjoy time with friends and family. Then I have days where I stay in my room and dont answer texts & calls. Our life doesnt have to be "perfect" every single day. Dont be so hard on yourself. Its not just the new year that is a reason to change. Every new day is a chance for a fresh start or a reset. Life is what you make it. Once you take that leap to get out there again youll look back and this will just be a memory of a day you werent feeling your best. Sometimes I get so anxious about something I have to do and then after Ill laugh & kick myself for getting so worked up over nothing.

Sounds like youre doing what you can and thats all that matters.

Hang in there! You got out and did things that made you feel good... and you can do it again!

[WhydidIgetthisway in reply to Sunshine425]

Thank you!

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I’m so proud of you for being accountable to yourself and others. You’re very brave.

I’m glad you like your group. Keep up the good work.

You’re right about not drinking so your meds can work! You can start today. Yesterday is gone.

Remember ..... perfection is not an option.

You are loved. You are worthy. You are important to us.

Doaty💛

[WhydidIgetthisway in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Thanks for saying that!

[V941]

Hi I wanted to introduce myself

New to this site