Constant battle with my thoughts!!!! - Anxiety and Depre...

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Constant battle with my thoughts!!!!

Boomba76 profile image
7 Replies

I am in a constant battle with my thoughts. They just keep flowing in and flowing in. It’s hard to not let them wash you away like raging flood water!

I feel so betrayed by my wife!

The complete lack of compassion right before the Holidays!

I always loved this time of year and even that was taking away this year.

So many different emotions I feel right now:

Anger

Confusion

Betrayal

Sadness

Hopelessness

Fear

Dread

Did I mention Anger

Just needing to vent right now!

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Boomba76 profile image
Boomba76
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7 Replies
quitter333 profile image
quitter333

drink and sleep on it?

When I meet overwhelmongbthoughts I try to "restart" my brain eitger throigh sustances and being knocked out, or through extreme exertion(eg gym, marathon etc).

When you are extremely tirrd body will simply turn off negative thoughts and go into sutvival mode. AND that mrans you getbthe long awaited relief and after a good aleep you actually will be much more acceptive to anything happening in your life. i.e. "I just survived, so these minor life issues are not even close in comparison".

.

it works and the nice thing - does not require major effort to cange thought patterns etc. thats long term therapy. for ahort term relief all you need are some physical actions

NWGal profile image
NWGal

We're here to "hear" you friend.

jtlow79 profile image
jtlow79

Vent away! You will get through this! You are better than these thoughts. You are super human and with time this will pass. I am so sorry you are going through this. I feel the same and have hope for a better life.

Ck your messages. She is not worth it. If she is treating you like this now and toying with your heartstrings, getting back together on her terms and you being manipulated by the puppeteer, not a pretty picture my friend. Shake it up. Don't respond to her and dont text and call her. That is what she wants. What do YOU want???

Mimimylon profile image
Mimimylon

Hi there friend. You just described several of my feelings. You are not alone.

I’m always angry with my partner . The more time goes by, the angrier I get. Everything he does makes me upset and I lash out at him. I can be very caustic with my words. It took me 5 years to realize that I have nothing in common with this man. I feel cheated because during this time I have been giving and giving with no reciprocation on his part. He is a know-it-all , having it all figured out, opinionated, racist, patronizing me and treating me like an invalid. At the same time I’m very angry at myself because I feel like a total failure . Right now I’m planning my exit strategy. I suffer from generalized anxiety and I’m in the process of figuring out if I qualify as borderline or bipolar...I feel disgusted when he tries to be intimate with me. Totally disgusted.

Kkimm profile image
Kkimm

Hi

You are having a completely normal reaction to such a devastating event in your life. Anyone would feel the emotions you describe. The last poster, underthestressvibe, made a good point, gradually as you start to recover you will have to decide what you want and what is best for the children.

It was a terrible betrayal on the part of your wife and however much you love her you have to think through what is best for you and the children in the future. It is possible because your wife is completely unable to understand your illness she sees your behaviour as completely intolerable and feels justified in what she has done. She is wrong and has hurt you very badly. Would she be prepared to go to counseling where she could learn to understand more about mental illness. Could you both go together if she is willing to.

The children will be very badly affected by this however hard you both try to protect them from it. Again counselling could be of help both to help you both to support them through it and eventually perhaps for them to make sense of it all and feel valued and supported.

If your wife is not prepared to go to counseling or to try to understand your illness better and try to support you it may be better in the long run to make a decision to move on and tell her this, but that is a brave option and noone can predict whether it will help or not. If she is being at all manipulative in how she is treating you then that may just help her to see that she will not succeed in this and that she will loose you if she continues like this.

Your over whelming feelings are completely normal at present and it may be you need to go through them, but if your wife does try to call time on the marriage you will have to gradually try to decide what you want or have to accept for the future and try to move forward in a positive way both for yourself and the sake of the children.

It is a really tough call I know but you will be able to do it and make a positive life in the future.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Kim

Poodie profile image
Poodie

Hi.

How are you ? I am here for you too. Please let yourself feel anything. All those feelings make perfect sense.

What you are going through is awful. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I tried to go back to all your posts. Did you ever say how long this “separation “ is suppose to last? Are you seeing your kids regularly?

Is your wife deciding everything?

I imagine this is so complicated because of needing to do what is best for your children too. Is it unrealistic to think that you and she can take turns living in the house? For example, kids stay put always and you and your wife rotate week by week living there. That seems more fair since it was she who wanted the separation. If she is their primary care giver, she could be there for them during the day. When you get home from work, she could go to a friend’s house or wherever and you care for the kids. Can you take care of them? Is there some free legal service you can consult. Sometimes they will help you with an equitable separation agreement.

I am just hoping that you are taking care of yourself. I have been thinking about you. You deserve to be loved and supported by a spouse . “ In love “ can be fleeting. Love, commitment, honesty, communicating, sharing, are some things that are important in a relationship.

I hope you and she can go together to some marriage counseling/ therapy if that is what you want. You may want to make that a condition of yours for getting back together. You do not want to allow yourself to be torn apart like this. She may be unwilling, or incapable of wanting to work on things. We can not make anyone change and we are only in control of ourselves. Taking care of yourself sets a good example for your kids. and can help you feel better too. Don’t let her take advantage of your willingness to do what she wants. Protect yourself.

Maybe I am saying too much and I know it is hard , with the hurt, betrayal and confusion you must be feeling to act in your own best interest right now but you may want to take some small steps to do that. R U in therapy? Reading about your situation I am struck with how immature and unfeeling this is for you and your children. Of course you are angry. Who wouldn’t be!

I am not very good at this, but see if you can compartmentalize at work. Do your job . Try to focus .Sounds like you have a job with responsibility. How did that meeting with your boss go ?

Good luck. I am pulling for you.

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