Today one of my nightmares came true. I overslept and missed my flight back to the US. I don’t know how it happened, I’m usually super vigilant about being prepared, especially for important things like this, but it happened. And there were no available flights to go back within the next few days except business class, so I had to spend almost the equivalent of my round-trip again. For once I thought I was doing ok financially, but this has wrecked all my savings again. I just feel so stupid because it was entirely my fault and now I’m dealing with the consequences and at the same time I’m trying to go easy on myself because I know that everyone makes mistakes but I just hate myself right now. I just feel like I’ve been working so hard on myself for a year now and I’m just reminded again of this constant negative voice I have in my head that I can’t get rid of even after so much work. It tells me I’m stupid, that I’ve caused so much inconvenience for myself and for other people, that I’m not normal, that everyone I know feels sorry for me for making such a stupid mistake and that they’re embarrassed for me and that this is just another bullet point on my parents’ list of all the bad decisions I’ve made that they’re ashamed of.
I’m trying to be grateful for the opportunity I had to travel at least but it’s hard when the negativity always just comes back with something like that I should’ve just stayed home so I wouldn’t have spent so much money, etc, etc.
I even tried to do affirmations with a video but I couldn’t even get through the first three because I knew I didn’t believe what I was saying and I just felt so pathetic and burst into tears again, which made me feel more pathetic.
Does anyone have any advice for dealing with an insanely strong inner critic?
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Orange-y
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I could also use some help with the inner critic Orange-y. I am sorry that happened, I would also have the same problem and feel like my trip was ruined and not worth it... I try to remember that experiences are invaluable and thus priceless. What did you do on your trip?
Dr David Burns does an exercise in his work with a magic button that we could push and our issues would magically disappear. Of course we all say yes, but then he goes into pros and cons of our issue (anxiety, depression, anger etc.) and we often see that we don't want it totally gone but scaled down to a manageable level. I would bet that you have accomplished a lot from having this inner critic (though maybe not enjoyed it as much as you could have) and that you will likely never miss a flight again. Maybe that means that you schedule wake up calls and meet new people or are able to reach out for help in the future... I hope that you can forgive yourself and reflect on your trip with happiness. I wish you peace, hope, and self-compassion
I do the same. I say things to myself I’d NEVER say to someone else. I am cruel to myself. I’m trying to catch myself more and imagine if I was speaking to a friend. What would you say to a friend in your situation who was already feeling awful? Say that to yourself. We all deserve kindness, especially from ourselves. What I would say to you is “mistakes happen, you didn’t intentionally sleep in, you were tired and it happened. Sure it cost some money but money comes and goes and you had it to use, thank goodness for that. Congratulations you have survived one of your nightmares! You did it, you didn’t fall to bits. It has nothing at all to do with the person you are, we’ve all over slept, it just is what it is. Tomorrow is a brand new day full of all of its own good and bad. How was the trip besides that”?
My only advice would be to practice having a good inner monologue- maybe even faking it til you make it on occasion. I know what it's like to be my own worst enemy, I don't have 'the' answer but talking about and to myself in a more positive, realistic manner has helped.
You sound intelligent and like you know what's what. I wish you good luck in figuring this out
A rich source - in my opinion the best - on probably everything our brains challenge us with, with answers to many questions including yours: psychologytoday.com/us/arch...
one of the biggest things thats helped me with the thoughts that say "people hate me" or i'm a burden or they're judging me ...etc. you have to ask yourself, wheres the evidence, theres usually absolutely none. most of the time you ask whats the evidence and you cant even start a list. no evidence? your negative thoughts aren't true.
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