Health anxiety will I make it out of this..

[stellina04]

Hi everyone,

I've been dealing with what my husband and I believe to be health anxiety or hypochondria. I have always been afraid of doctors. I also never had anything wrong with me so I never really went to the doctor. It started to get bad when I approached 30. I first started to worry about breast cancer and went on from there. My father passed away of als and so did his father no one else in the family has had it that we know of and both were in bad situations that could have brought it out but I constantly fear that it will be me who gets it next. Usually I worry about other things and when there is nothing left to worry about I go back to als. The thing is I don't worry unless something happens so for instance. My right breast has had an ache for like 6 months almost on and off sometimes a few times a day sometimes every other day. I went to the doctor and she checked me and said everything seemed fine but to beer sure let's do an ultrasound. It came back clear. I then found out about this breast cancer called inflamitory breast cancer. You get like a rash and the skin darkens and so forth it's decently quick moving. So, again I freaked out thinking ok I must have this... So I've been waiting for the rash to appear... Like I know it's going to be that bc it's rate and the weird stuff happens to me. Everyone I seek out for help family and such say that the rash is the first sign not the pain or that they use ultrasound to see difference in tissue so if the ultrasound was clear then I'm good. My husband says it's been almost 6 months since I had the pain start And the ultrasound so it would have progressed by now. It will out me at ease for a bit but then it's a full circle.

I sincerely just hate this. I want to be rid of my anxiety. I'm so disappointed, I was doing really well for the last like 2-3 months. I got married on Saturday so I've been busy maybe that's why I was alright. When we got home after the wedding my sister and a friend were watching a show that creeped me out and it sparked a panic and since then I'm at it all over.

I feel like there is no way I can ever get over this. I'm tired of being scared and I feel like nothing helps me. What if I cannot be fixed..

[Ramon123]

Hi Merlin, I have this same exact issue as you. In 2019, I was convinced I had every type of cancer there was. And if I heard of someone else getting it, I thought I had it too. I had not previously been this way until my daughter was born when I turned 37. That's when it all started. My father in law passed away in 2019, and just being around a cancer patient all the time convinced me that I would be next. It's very scary and exhausting to constantly be worried about your health. Even if on some level, you know it may be irrational to do so. Are you seeing a therapist at all? With regard to the pandemic, is this affecting your health anxiety? Feel free to PM me. I wish you the best.

[stellina04 in reply to Ramon123]

That is exactly what happens every time I hear someone getting cancer or if I see someone who has cancer I start to panic I don't understand where this started or why it started I'm just so tired of being stressed out and being scared all the time. I'm trying to find a new therapist I have one but we've been friends for a very long time and at this point I feel like it's not helping when I go talk to her. I think I need to see someone who doesn't maybe have a personal connection to me. I'm just having a hard time finding a really good one. I did make an appointment with the psychiatrist in NYC who's really highly rated but I have to pay out of pocket since my insurance doesn't cover it because he's out of network. I'd like to make sure that I'm on the right kind of meds because the ones I'm on I feel like they don't do anything and they've tried me on a few things but I honestly don't take it very regularly because I feel like it's not working which isn't what I should be doing.

I just feel like I'm crying out for help with my family and I'm asking for help and I know that they're helping but it's not helping and I feel like they get annoyed and I understand because I'm being annoying but I just feel like alone and that's really hard when you're so terrified.

[Agora1]

Hi merlin0413, my question to you is, What if you can be fixed? How different would your life be? What are some of the things you would do that you can't now? You say you've never had anything wrong with you but yet you fear doctors. Do you know where that fear came from?

Knowing that your father and your grandfather passed away from ALS makes you revert to worrying you may get it as well, that is, until your Health Anxiety puts another fear in your mind. This is how Anxiety takes hold of our mind. The longer you fight it, the more it throws at you until you can't even hear of someone getting sick or watching a show puts you in panic.

The doom and gloom thoughts need to be focused on more positive things in your life. A new life has just started for you. Congratulations Now is the time to live your dream and go for the goals you two have planned. The fact that you were doing so good for 2-3

months before the wedding, shows you that when your mind is occupied on something

else, you function and go forward.

Seeing a therapist can help you get back on the right path in life. Something caused these

fears early in life and once they are addressed you may find yourself feeling better.

Our minds are very powerful. Once a negative thought becomes present, it's very easy

for the body to mimic what we are fearful of.

Merlin, I'm happy to Welcome you to this support forum where you will find many answers

and support to your HA. I've been there, so I know what it's like. Start changing your way

of thinking and talking to a more positive mind set. You will start seeing a difference as I did.

We're here to support you, one step at a time. xx

[stellina04 in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora

Thank you for replying. I have no idea what happened early on. It's strange. I was very adventurous, never afraid of anything I always got hurt I would a rough kid. I know even as little as 4 I hated going to the doctor. It didn't stop me from going when I had to but I never liked it. I got nervous I always had to take my mom. Even so when I was sick I'd go to the doctor. My dad passed when I was 21 and I didn't freak out about his Illness at that point either. I don't think I understood it maybe. We also we're not super close. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 1. As I got alittle older I never thought about illness unless something happened to me. Once I got sick I would worry. Not nearly as bad as now but that's when I would panic.

This new form of my HA started when I turned 30 I remember my first panic attack that made me really panic. My fiance had his insurence guy come over and he named me on everything Incase he passed away. I had to sign all these papers. It mad me feel weird. The next morning I woke up super early with an upset stomach and I went into my office and just cried I couldn't imagine losing him and that's when I started to worry.

This year I was actually diagnosed with thyroid cancer. My blood work one of my thyroid levels kept coming back slightly high for the past three years and my doctor told me it was fine it's not something they worry about unless the other levels are off but because I was worried about it I went and saw a specialist and they did an ultrasound and found out that I had three nodules on my thyroid and I had to have a total thyroidectomy removing the thyroid. I didn't panic as much as I thought I would the thyroid cancer was very easy to remove they said it's really rare that it spreads it's also really rare to find in young people so I had a much better chance than someone who was a lot older who didn't know it had been there for a long time so I went through the surgery in June of this year and so far so good. there's no further treatment they really have to do as long as everything looks okay for the next year even so I didn't panic as much because I was told and after looking stuff up that it was a very easy cancer to cure. I also have two family members that have cancer currently and my grandmother just got over cancer at 83.

It's hard when you're in the middle of freaking out to try to get yourself to focus on the good things because all you keep thinking is if I try to stay positive and I forget that I'm scared all of a sudden everything will go bad and it'll be cancer or I'll be sick and I can't fix it or it's all the what ifs that I'm having a hard time getting past.

just this morning I was about to leave for work and I freaked out because I've had these little red dots very light on my chest on that breast that I'm worried about and I've convinced myself that it is the cancer and so I had to drive myself to my mom's house and I haven't even gone into work today and it's just so irritating because I feel like nobody believes me I don't know how to break out of that cycle.

[Agora1 in reply to stellina04]

merlin0413, thank you for being so candid with your response.

I may not be a doctor and might not have the right to ask so many

questions but I do it in good faith to help those on this site.

I do believe that we are born with a more excitable nervous system which just

waits for the right moment to bring up our fears.

My own theory (from my past experiences) is that when you turned 30 and filled

out that insurance form, it signaled something in your brain regarding our own mortality.

Everything you accepted in your past came flooding your mind now. That diseases do kill and that our life on this planet isn't forever.

Then can come the HA, the what ifs and the doubts and fears that everything we feel

may be it for us. This is how our Anxiety takes control of our subconscious mind and

reminds us often by replaying the fear when we are awake or asleep.

You can break out of this cycle by finding what works for you best. It doesn't mean you

will always need medication, therapy or whatever. Just until you accept and convince yourself that you will not allow anxiety to take away the moments of your life.

Write me anytime you need a pep talk. My responses are always in your best interest.

Take care, you are in the best of hands and are safe on this site. We care xx