Ugh With Trying New Things!

Ok Universe! I'm working on me and feeling like the person at the AA meeting. Accepting what I can't change and "trying" to change what I can. I'm done with the corporate world, I'm tired of the blue-collar world, I want freedom from the damn rat race and I'm investing what little I have in myself (talk about scary). I thought this endeavor was going to be a piece of cake and now I feel like I'm in a bakeoff reality show with everything on the line, and everything is written in Greek. I keep telling myself to calm down, and that it's just me being frustrated, but honestly, my body is hooked to adrenaline. It's like "oh someone passed her on the right" (adrenaline), she screwed up on her excel sheet (adrenaline), her appointment is in 20 minutes and she's 22 minutes away (adrenaline). I don't need to skydive to get a rush, I just have to have a new dentist appointment. (slaps list of reasons out of anxiety's hand) Jeeze! Rant over. WLA...AU

[Daisymom]

No great rewards come without risk… We cannot know true peace without knowing suffering… Embrace it all and be proud! The fact that you were willing to take the risk tells me you are capable of succeeding at it

[Hidden in reply to Daisymom]

I hate that I was writing nuggets of wisdom to you while you were writing such nuggets of wisdom to me! I'd say yours was better....so concise.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

That was a marvelous rant. I hope to see more in the future. I thought I was good😁. At least you make sense!

AU I think you’ve proven your worth in your posts. You’re smart, caring, kind and delightful. There is no reason to think that if you let the real you take over you won’t make it. You got this. You’ve already won. Now you can just share the frustration and glory with us💛

[Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Hey Neu,

Lol you actually made me chuckle. I'm a mess! If you saw me on the outside, I'm pretty good at hiding the swirling laundry filled tornado that is me on the inside. I think of the few things that have saved me from (oh I don't know driving my car into a brick wall) has been my sarcastic humor and the way I see things like a damn cartoon or movie in my head. Like, you know looking at people in the doctor's office and imagining them as a character in the black and white comics of the Daily News. Or like, I mean some old guy was going back and forth with the receptionist the other day and used the word "preposterous". Really 0_0 When was the last time you used the word preposterous? I don't think I've EVER actually used the word preposterous when in discussion with someone (I've used it three times just now >_>) *sigh* I guess he heard his wife say ridiculous one too many times and decided to switch things up.

Neu, Thanks for the vote of confidence. It means the world to me to have you guys in my corner. I love smart talented learned people with just a titch of cracked teacup in them, and you are def one!

With Love Always...AU

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Hidden]

I suck at real life but I don’t care. That’s deep stuff right there!

I love that I’m a cracked tea cup. Welcome to the cupboard. 👍💛

[Daisymom]

Amen! Too much of life is doing things we don’t want to do… Create your own destiny and at least you’re doing it on your terms to me that’s freedom!

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Daisymom]

👍

[Hidden in reply to Daisymom]

Daisy!

Heaven knows I've questioned myself on how I process stuff, but you already know that. It's just that I figured if I don't embrace this halfbaked person that I am, and try and continue to conform to the social masses (which I've tried and failed miserably at) I won't care for this life any longer, and that's really scary. So, onward biotches! lol (sorry the cursing sailor character from Pirates of the Caribbean just took over) lol Let's have rum at 5!

With Love Always...AU

[Daisymom in reply to Hidden]

Half baked is perfect… You have to be hard on the outside to deal with life… And warm and mushy on the inside Otherwise your total hard crusty mass…sounds like you’re well done 🤗

[Kitten58]

I am not sure why we do that tho ourselves but I do it to. Is world going to end because I am 1 minute late? My GI track says YES! If you want to know whats on the other side of the door open it. and remember Thomas Edison said he did not fail once. He just found 10000 ways not to make a light bulb. Keep looking forward. Walls are hard when you run into them.

[Hidden in reply to Kitten58]

Hey Kitten,

Girl, it's a constant thing with me. I actually told my therapist that it was like boarderline paranoid neurosis, and do you know what she did? She nodded her head up and down. Umm thanks for the support? lol I guess that will help when I file for disability. At least I'll be able to get the blue review mirror thingy and get the best parking spots! lol

Thanks for the reply and support Kitten. Hope to see your font again soon

With Love Always...AU

[fauxartist]

It takes a lot of courage and adrenaline to go out on your own....but after a while when you get a set routine and most of the trial and error has subsided, you'll feel more comfortable with whatever routine you have set up to get through whatever you need to for the day's work. Commend yourself on having the guts to get out there and do this....it’s hard, hard work and lots of scary moments. Yes there are some failures, but the success’s far out weight them, and being your own boss is the best part. I loved it, no more BS....if I didn't like a client, or employee....I didn't have to work with them. It's a lot of responsibility, but worth it.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Hi Faux,

Thanks for your support. I know you're right. It's just the frustration of becoming part of something new and feeling like everyone else gets it but me. It's also feeling like I'm not getting the support that I was promised in this venture. The bad thing is feeling out of it. The good thing is that I get pissed, and then that gives me the I'm gonna show these Son's of Anarchy a piece of my ever-loving Puerto Rican ass....grrrr (back to the grind! lol) There is no failure as a choice this time Faux. I'm gonna print out a picture of Thomas and put him up on my wall today!

With Love Always...AU

[Magicdreamer]

Bwahahahahahahahaha! You're super amazing! Your writing is like reading a comic blog. You're so magical. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Magicdreamer]

Hi Magic!

Lordy Magic that is what happens in my head all the time. Lot's of times it's funny to me too, but sometimes it can be so dark and graphic that it's more like a horror story. Storms, tidal waves and earthquakes. Example of my thought process though: I worked for this interior plant care company. I was taking care of a 5 building business that had over one thousand plants and was on my own. I was caring for my aging mother and my 28-year-old daughter who had a stroke and was in rehab. The manager of the place kept taking my beautiful plants and replacing them with dying ones so I could care for them and bring them up to standard. When I complained to my superiors I got "oh he's a tough nut, just do your best". Tough nut...tough nut? This went on for months! So one day when I turned the corner and saw another dying yellow plant I imagined dumping it in the garbage, holding on to the container, taking the elevator down to his office, storming in and knocking him upside the back of his big ass balding head a couple times. Then I imagined the cops putting cuffs on me, and walking me out the door. That kinda put things back into perspective for me, but damn it felt good at the time lol

With Love Always...AU

[Magicdreamer in reply to Hidden]

Bwahahahahaha! 😂