So tired of things

[Gandolfication]

I'm sleep deprived from work, and feel I'm failing as a parent.My oldest (15 yo) daughter, who also is dealing with some depression, is failing in school and won't get up and go. I've imposed the consequences I can, gotten her set up with an accommodation plan, etc., and it's tearing my heart out to see her damage her life like this and either not care or not do almost any of the things that need to be done.

I'm fat beyond my wits' end.

It's all I can do to keep up with running my solo law practice and keeping us solvent which is enough to stress me out all the time.

I have a great girlfriend, but I worry about whether I can keep that together too.

I'm trying to let go today and just be and breathe one moment at a time with curiosity.

The truth is a lot of the time. I just want to leave this world.

[sunshinefan]

Yes, Don't be so hard on yourself. 15 is a hard age. Find some things that you like to do and do some self care activities for you too. I too hate to burden my friends and husband with my feelings of depression. I try to take a walk, listen to music, color, read and just breathe to try to find myself again. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job with your daughter. Keep up the good work.

[Gandolfication]

Thank you, twinklysunflower!!

[LoveforAll41]

Gandolfication, I am sorry that you are so slammed and that your daughter is struggling as well. What reasons does she cite for not wanting to go to school? Does she feel pressure to excel? Social problems? I don't know what I would do in those cases other than to express that the learning is what counts, not the grades. Teenage years are a cyclone. Have you heard of Dr Becky? I don't know if she has a lot of material on teenagers, but .y wife loves her stuff. She was recently on the huberman podcasthubermanlab.com/episode/dr-...

I wish you compassion and mercy all around. Last night I was thinking of the story of the man that pushed on a rock for years every day and it never moved. The man however became a force to be reckoned with. I am continuing to push on the rock. It is absolutely enormous.

☮️

[Gandolfication]

Thanks LoveforAll41,

That's a good question regarding my daughter. She cites anxiety, yes, and I believe just feeling overwhelmed, and she just also feels tired and fatigued a lot....and I try to get her to realize that is probably mostly because of her habitual phone use, poor sleep habits, lack of exercise, etc. This is one of the tough things about depression I think. What she's feeling is real; and simultaneously, the things that will almost certainly help her feel better the most, take courage and action, or they will not happen. I try to infuse this with compassion, but it is one of life's really tough lessons - we must, in substantial part, learn to help ourselves.

It sounds like you're describing the Greek myth of Sisyphus that Albert Camus later wrote about. If so, it is a literally and philosophical motif that often comes back to me. I usually feel depressed about its surface-level meaning about futility, although plenty of others, including perhaps those original authors have posited different interpretations about existential meaning, and meaning we choose, and other such things.