Feeling Lost

[Coral43]

I don't often write on here, but when I do it's because I am really feeling down. This feeling of hopelessness set in a few days ago and today it is really bad. Today I feel like walking away from my life and not looking back. I hate when I feel this way because my children don't deserve that. The one thing that I am thankfully for is that all of my children are now grown and they understand that mom is dealing with really bad depression. I should be happy right now, as my oldest daughter has started planning her wedding, but I'm not, I don't even feel interested in the wedding planning at all, which is not like me. I keep trying to put this brave face on and it's just not working anymore. I feel like I am falling apart on the inside, and I don't know how to stop it.

[Hidden]

Hello Coral43. I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so low right now. The thing about clinical depression is there does not have to be a reason or a trigger. Please be kind to yourself. You cannot help feeling low and as your children are adults I am sure they will understand if you are unable to feel enthusiastic right now. I think you just need to take each day as it comes and be gentle with yourself.

[Coral43 in reply to Hidden]

I try to take each day as it comes, but that is not always easy, especially when you wake with a heavy heart all the time. And the one person that helps me through all of this is going through something of his own and neither of us are there for each other which is not helping. I want to help him so much but he won't let me help him and then that makes me feel even more depressed. It's a vicious cycle.

[Hidden in reply to Coral43]

I am very sorry to hear that. It is so hard when you want to help a loved one and they are not able to be helped.

[Mary-intussuception]

So sorry Coral x

[Titan4757]

I get it, Coral. I've also lost interest in activities I used to do. Sometimes I don't have the energy or motivation to be social after work. Friends and family may miss you but you're family and best friends will also understand. It's not easy going through this when others don't know the feeling or haven't experienced it first hand. I'm slowly getting better and changing my own life has been helpful. I'm applying for a new career, biking again and have total control of my schedule. Exercise has been the most helpful as far as improving my mood. I also like to watch comedy specials or videos. Keep pushing to find what you want out of life and take small steps in changing your current situation. I've done well with supporting myself but realized I was not truly doing what I wanted in life and we have the opportunity and deserve to do what makes us happy. I know you can find that true smile and laugh again and love for life. I wish you well!

[Coral43 in reply to Titan4757]

Thank you for saying all of that. The one thing that I have that has helped is I am in college at the moment. I am seeking a couple different degrees, and because I am so busy with my school work it really helps my mind to stay occupied and not continuously thinking of fleeing. Sometimes I think I am crazy for taking on all these classes while 1. Dealing with depression and 2. Being as old as I am. But it does seem to help somedays

[Puzzled57 in reply to Coral43]

Think of yourself as a late bloomer. You had other things that needed to be done before you went to school. It’s your time!!!

[Coral43 in reply to Puzzled57]

That's what I keep telling myself. It's my time!!! At first I felt guilty about wanting me time, because I felt like my kids/husband would suffer. And then I realized that my kids are grown so having me time won't matter to them and if my husband doesn't like it then he doesn't (which he hates it and gets mad at me for it every time).

[Booklover0219]

I’m feeling the same way. I’m feeling this urge to run away from everything. I keep thinking about moving to the other side of the country and starting over. What are we trying to run away from though? In my case I guess it’s myself.