Ready to give up

[BrownEyesBlue]

I’m having a rough time. Like walking on hot coals with razor blades and cut glass while drinking rat poison hard time of it.

My Dad was diagnosed with the first stages of dementia. My sister is sick. My boyfriend left. My depression and anxiety have hit an all time high. I just want it to end. Stop. Go away.....

My nieces send me messages. Disrespectful. I cry myself to sleep over them. You’re almost 40; grow up. You’re making the worse mistake. You always say “are you okay?” That drives everyone crazy. No ******* need. And tonight my niece messaged me and berates me for not going to visit my two little great nieces while I was in working on my falling apart, shambles of a relationship that seems doomed.

She messaged me to tell me she was flabbergasted I didn’t go see them. Number one I was told by my sister it was probably. It a good idea to bring my boyfriend over there. Ok. Well we were working on our relationship so obviously he was with me. I have no car. They live on the other side of the city. I couldn’t afford a taxi. And no, I didn’t message and ask. But she didn’t message me either.

When I said well you didn’t message me she comes back with “I shouldn’t have to ask if someone wants to see my daughter” ok. No you don’t. But I don’t have a car. Can’t afford the taxi and you work and she’s in school. She called me stupid. Dumb. Belittled me. Said I made excuses. I’m devastated. After all that’s going on and she comes at me. So offended. I apologized. What can I do? Was I wrong? I feel so horrible. So guilty. Like a bad person. I just want to die....... I feel so alone.

[Ceaser_Leone]

You can't give up despite what you maybe feeling, you have to make yourself number one priority, thats the only way you will get well. You cant fix family and relationship problems if you dont take care of yourself.

[Rachel2535]

We can only do what we can do. And when things pile up and get overwhelming stopping and reprioritizing is the only smart thing we can do. Well that and prayer. Prayer helps me to give all the junk I tend to take on myself over to God who can bear the worry and pain I tend to have through life at times. Here is the thing we can’t change other people all we can do is pray for them and work on the things we need to work on. Do you have a counselor? Or even start by journaling and getting some of this off your shoulders. God is good and wants to take this pain. Praying for you -Rachel

[1947treble]

It doesn't sound to me as if you did anything wrong. I'm sorry so much is happening, I'd hate to be in your circumstances. While you are still this upset it'd be reasonable to distance yourself from people who seem to keep kicking you while you're down. Whatever calms you or makes your mood pick up is a better choice than being drug down by useless drama and criticism. Sometimes just taking a break and being good to yourself needs to take priority. The rest can be addressed at a later time. I hope it gets better and that you can find atleast a little peace of mind.

[Sprinkle1]

Hi, first of all get these self centered unkind people "Out of your life". Do not let them so this to you. If you can afford it go talk to a therapist, you need to love and respect yourself and to hell with them. That's what I have learnt to do with selfish people, you need self respect and respect from decent people, you can do it. Write to us we will listen and give you support. Sending love and respect, along with peace and big hugs. Sprinkle 1.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to Sprinkle1]

It really hurts. Especially by my own family. And today even my sister who is my nieces mother had a go at me. I apologized and was met with “sorry doesn’t cut it”. It’s all I can do at this point. And then she said I was looking for pity. And when I said no one contacted me either, I was wrong again because I was the one who should have done it because they shouldn’t have to reach out for people to see their kids. I can’t win. And all I’ve done all day is cry. I’m lost. And feel so alone.

[Tealribbon in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

I'm so sorry. I have experienced family stuff too and I think it's in a category of its own. It really hurts. For me, I finally had to go no contact. I'm not saying you should, I'm just relating to your pain. Easier said than done, but try not to blame yourself. Over time it turns to shame. They sound like they are more interested in "punishing" than fostering a loving family relationship. I hope you get some rest tonight. Hugs