A good way to come to terms with something frustrating

[Scatteredtulips]

So it’s no secret that men look at other women online and in person even if they’re happy in a loving relationship. Heck, we all do it. But looking is where it stops if you’re loyal. For me I’m incredibly Insecure and struggling to build confidence and believe myself and my boyfriend in that I’m perfect and beautiful. (To him and myself).

Something happened that finally opened my eyes and it’s not like I didn’t expect it I just didn’t think of it.

I fell asleep before my boyfriend and he was next to me on his phone on Instagram I woke up and glanced to see he was about to search something and then exited out as I spoke up and I saw several pictures of gorgeous women, with perfect everything and massive assets. I called him out on it, as your Instagram feed/discover page shows stuff you look up and search. He said he hadn’t done it in months, but then that type of images wouldn’t be on there. So I proved that point and he admitted he does look up other women because they’re attractive. But nothing else. They’re to look at.

It hurt. And still does. He tells me I’m still beautiful and perfect and he loves me and would never cheat and that’s why he just looks at pictures. I asked how he’d feel if I did that for guys and i knew he wouldn’t care. He said that it doesn’t matter to him. So that sucks. Because I told him how much it hurts and he says he’ll stop but I know he won’t. I just need to accept it. He really is the most loving person, he was hurt by his ex’s in the way of cheating so he’d never wish that on anyone.

He prays for me to get better, he supports me, loves me appreciates me, everything! Our relationship is great it’s just now I’m struggling to get over the fact that he intentionally looks up other women.

Can anyone help me with this and maybe provide something so I can accept it and get through it?

It’s making me shake from fear and anxiousness.

[Hidden]

That is so normal and healthy. My man probably does and even worse online. Pictures are nothing and beautiful people are everywhere. No harm done. I think it's a good outlet for people to look and not cheat. Me and my husband even comment on people to each other. It's a laugh and doesn't bother me even though I am overweight. He loves me and the person I am and always will. Don't give it another thought.

[Scatteredtulips in reply to Hidden]

That is probably just what I needed to hear. It felt like a wave of reassurance melted over me. Thank you

[Chuckyd in reply to Hidden]

My wife and I are constantly saying which actors/actresses we like and why!

[Chuckyd]

You know men so well! We do look and we know it upsets you so that’s why we try and hide it sometimes but we would never cheat - we can’t help it, ask my wife

[Scatteredtulips in reply to Chuckyd]

As hard as it is to see and find out about, it’s nice to know that’s kind of why you’re all secretive about it. You love us and can’t help a natural urge or act. Considerate and helpful!

[Chuckyd in reply to Scatteredtulips]

Yes but still give him a hard time and don’t be too understanding!!!

[Scatteredtulips in reply to Chuckyd]

Will do😌

[CanuckAnon]

This is normal... why do u use the label perfect? I would prefer happy and loving myself over some so called subjective standard of perfect. 😊

It’s completely healthy to look... just think he may look but he comes home to you... without touching.

Stop comparing yourself to whomever... u don’t know just how much surgery that other person has had to look “perfect”... we as individuals are unique and special in our own way... no such thing as perfect.

[Scatteredtulips in reply to CanuckAnon]

I don’t like the term perfect, but in his eyes I am everything he’s ever wanted. He doesn’t settle for me in any way. What I think is better to say is we work so well together and we love every bit of each other. Not perfect for each other, just so lucky to have found the other and work as good as we do.

That is a very good point. He’s looking and not touching. He tells me that I’m not in competition with those girls, he chose me and that’s how it’s going to be.

I just wish I could be more confident and feel beautiful and love myself. That is the key for me to get through stuff like this

[CanuckAnon in reply to Scatteredtulips]

Then write out your doubts or negative thoughts and counter them with truth... ?

[Scatteredtulips in reply to CanuckAnon]

I love that idea. So simple and I couldn’t have thought of it myself