Acceptance

Hello everyone!

I am struggling really bad with acceptance and ruminating thoughts. Long story short, my middle sister dislikes me so much (my belief is because I was treated differently by my parents and always had a close relationship with them). I also think she has a personality disorder because she constantly lies, manipulates, criticizes others, and even projects onto others but she and her husband and kids are perfect and do no wrong. I have tried for years for her to love and accept me but no matter what I do, it is never good enough. I think she is very unhappy with her life and is really bothered that I didn’t make the same mistakes she made. It hurts me to see how much a sibling can hate/dislike their younger sister and get angry when good things happen and is always trying to get others to dislike me with lies. I need to accept that no matter what I do, we will never have the relationship I always dreamed of, and I have to accept that if others choose to judge me based on her lies than that is on them. It is just so hurtful to have my worst enemy be my own sister my own blood relative 😔. This has affected me for so long, I just need to let go…

[AnxiousSilver]

"It is just so hurtful to have my worst enemy be my own sister my own blood relative 😔"

I've had extended family turn on me after I broke down with anxiety and depression, it's not fun.

I went from being somebody that people looked up to, to someone that was ignored.

Was an painful, but interesting thing for me to learn.

I get it.

.

With all that said, I just want to welcome you to this community.

[Hidden in reply to AnxiousSilver]

Hello AnxiousSilver,

Happy Friday! Thank you for your response to my post. I am so sorry you experienced that with your family. It is tough when people don’t get mental health. I also have depression and anxiety and noticed that the people around me who don’t understand mental health they tend to be less supportive and lose their patients easily. I have always had anxiety but my depression was triggered after losing my father a few years ago and I also saw a lot of family and friends distance themselves from me because of it. What I learned now that I am doing better is to cherish and appreciate the few people that stayed in my life when things got hard. The rest, I have learned to love from afar. Those people who ignore you don’t deserve you!

[Marysblue in reply to Hidden]

So true

[designguy]

It definitely can be a difficult situation to deal with. I think we are hard wired and even programmed to believe in the connection with family being everything and the myth that we should all get along and accept one another but the reality is we don't get to choose our family nor can we control how they are as adults. I'm estranged from my two brothers because all we did as kids was fight and argue and it hasn't changed at all as we got older and even gotten worse. We were not parented to love and accept each other unconditionally which is what needed to be done. I wish things were different between us but I know I can't change them and have to accept them as they are and be true to myself but i'm also a lot happier without them in my daily life, there is much more peace and less drama.

[Hidden in reply to designguy]

Hello Designguy,

Thank you so much for taking time to reply to my post. I appreciate you sharing your story and how it has impacted you. I completely agree with you, society has programmed us to believe in family and how we should be there always but in cases like ours it is impossible. The cost of sticking around because of “family” is our mental well-being. My sibling has created such a toxic environment that I believe being estranged will be the only way I will have some peace. For too long I question what I did wrong or why I am so disliked, but am trying to comes to terms that no matter what I do or say it is never good enough for this person. I have to let go of the fantasy of an unconditional loving family like you mentioned because mine is definitely not one of them. I have to stop torturing myself because it makes me sick just thinking how much pain and hurt family can cause. It is unbelievable how much hate someone can have over no good reason other than maybe envy or discontentment with their own life choices and hate to see others go a different path. Rather than being happy for their love one it seems easier to try to bring them down along with them. My family for the most part doesn’t get along and it is mainly her doing since she is always gossiping to others and twisting reality to put people against each other. What a shame.

[designguy in reply to Hidden]

You're welcome and yes it really is a shame, especially knowing how short life really is but we can't make someone change and some people are not interested in improving themselves and the reality is that it really has nothing to do with us and we have to let it go and get on with our life.

[Hidden in reply to designguy]

Hi Designguy,

You are right, I need to let it go and move on with my life. It is true, it has nothing to do with us. I am at peace that I tried all I could perhaps even more than I should have and still got the same negative outcome.

[designguy in reply to Hidden]

Yes, you are right, the longer you stay attached to a different outcome the longer you stay connected to the dysfunction.

[Hidden in reply to designguy]

Thank you so much for taking time to respond to me. It really helped me to hear this from someone you has experienced a similar situation. Thank you for helping me see this in a different light.

[designguy in reply to Hidden]

You're welcome, glad to help and make sure you take care of yourself.