I need to sleep

[Mirave]

I can’t seem to keep the panic attacks at bay. My body needs rest, I am exhausted, but my mind won’t stop and anxiety keeps building. I’ve been in a very loving and supportive relationship for two years. We recently bought land and are in the process of having our home built. We leave in a little over a week for a vacation in Ireland with my son. We have plans and life goals. We’ve talked in depth about getting married by the end of the year. We are (were?) in love and I love (loved?) our life..... that being said, yesterday I found an email sent from him to some random email address asking if she wants to meet up for fun. I don’t see that there was ever a reply from this woman or that it went any further. I asked him about it and he swore to know nothing of it. Today I learned he has an active account on a website for hooking up. There are two messages back and forth but from what I can tell he never met up with anyone. He willing handed over his devices begging me to go through them and swearing he did nothing more than what I’ve found. He says he never would have actually met up with anyone, he just wanted someone to talk to. He works alone driving all day and doesn’t really have friends to talk to in the area. Last night was bad. He cried a lot, I cried a lot. Now I lay in bed awake for the second night in a row unable to keep the panic at bay. I can’t disappoint my son and not go on the trip but I’m just so sad and confused. He’s 100% on board with counseling and claims he would do anything to make this right again. I just can’t stop the thoughts...is there more I don’t know? Right now I just want this hollow feeling to go away and I want to sleep.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

First, welcome to this community. It’s a supportive and caring bunch of folks.

Secondly is a question, how sure are you in your diagnosis of panic attacks? You’ve been horribly blindsided, so it’s no wonder you can’t sleep and your mind is racing. I’m not even in your position, and my heart is hurting for you. Getting the rug pulled out from under us is monumental.

My only words of wisdom(?) are to hang in there. Put one foot in front of the other and have faith everything will work out as it should. At least you discovered this major issue before you got married. Not that that takes away the pain. Nothing will but time.

I’ve had random blindsides during my life, and hate the vulnerability they remind me of.

If you suffer from depression and anxiety already, reach out to your professionals. Also keep us in the loop about your progress. Now that you’re here, a number of us will want to keep tabs on you. Lynne

[Mirave in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank you for the kind words and care. I have a long history of anxiety and panic attacks. Although I still struggle with anxiety, it seems this event has triggered panic attacks that I haven’t dealt with in quite a few years. We have made a couples counseling appointment for Friday and I still need to call my counselor for an appointment for me. I really appreciate this community and safe space for allowing me to reach out without fear of judgement.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Mirave]

And that it is. It sounds like you’re taking positive steps in the right direction. I neglected to mention that I understand the extra responsibility of having a child involved in mom’s relationship concerns. I was a single parent for many years, and her wellbeing was a top priority. Good luck. Lynne

[Hidden]

I would say yes, there's always more you don't know. You found enough. If it we me, I would not marry him. You'll get the same from him. It happens all the time. Why not save yourself years of grief and then divorce. Big red flags!!!

[Mirave]

We are both hurting so bad and he has had a very tough year. Mom has cancer and they have a tough relationship, loads of family issues, he lost his best friend to very tragic circumstances a couple months ago. Where we live is a new city for him and he works alone so he hasn’t had a chance to make any friends. I’m hurting but I also am very aware of how much he is hurting and how lonely he gets. Is it naive of me to want to move on from all of this and forgive him so quickly and just work with the couples counselor on how to build trust again?