Hi there. My significant other is suffering from depression to the point of almost breaking up. 7 months ago he told me that we needed to live separately for a while, so I moved out and got an apartment. This weekend he told me he needs a break because he feels like a failure in our relationship and wants to feel something again, to appreciate me ( Yet he doesn’t want me to change my address from the old house, which I found odd). He spends a ton of time playing video games and watching TV. I am heartbroken and completely devastated. My friends tell me to leave him and go see other people. He is the love of my life, I don’t want to do that but I don’t know if he is using it as an excuse or not. So now we can’t talk at all for 2 weeks, it is day 3 and I just keep crying. I hate this! Stay or go? Is it depression or his need to play video games and not wanting to put effort in? He is seeing a therapist but I think it is just getting worse, he talked to the doctor about meds but they recommended trying a different therapist first, this is month 7 of all of this! This is destroying me and I don’t know who to talk to... any advice? Any hope? Is he playing games?
What do I do?: Hi there. My significant... - Anxiety and Depre...
What do I do?
He may not talk to the therapist about everything video games may be his outlet on life try to play the games with him..... why can’t you talk? Instead of crying try to read I read and stay on the phone or do a little shopping I know what your going through the only thing is me and the person I was with doesn’t talk unless he reach out and I became comfortable with that he needs help but won’t get any I love him but I have to move forward with my life
Thank you for your response. I do play with him when I can. I am not as skilled. We can’t talk because he wants to test his feelings for the next couple weeks without me. He says he loves me but is having trouble feeling. Mine gets help here or there. It is just super hard! It’s like someone flipped a switch and he was gone one day!
I can see where he’s coming from maybe some time apart will show him and also teach him how to love you the way you should be loved it’s hard because that’s your “person” the one you wanna talk to and see
Exactly! I hate this my friends just want me to walk away. I am lonely and feeling rejected. It’s just not good.
That’s how I am with my “person” I like to hear from him and see him but maybe time apart is a good thing try to stay busy until he reach out
How does it work for you guys? You just don’t talk for weeks? I am just so hurt. Like today, I am on a group text and he is organizing tickets to a football game,( I don’t even know if he wants me there or not anymore) and asking the friend group all about it but I am not supposed to talk to him. Idk, how can you be so depressed as to want no communication but be able to organize a trip to a NCAA football game for yourself and your friends. It feels like a cop out... I guess I do not understand this.
We live together and I can actually walk into a room and not say a word to him. I have been soul searching as to y I do that. The only thing I can come up with is I’m angry at him fro some reason. He asks me the same thing.... how do I talk to my daughters and their boyfriends in a normal conversation but I don’t do that with him?, I told him that I’m so depressed when I talk to other people it takes me to a different place for a bit where I can fake it and be somebody else and forget about my depression for a few moments. Because with him I start to be depressed again... not sure y. I ask my again and I came to the realisation that I don’t love him anymore... as much as I Want to I just don’t.. I am in no way telling u to leave him but u might want to think about moving on
Yikes! That is difficult! I feel for you. Thank you for the advice! It is much appreciated, I just can’t wrap my head around it. If you ever need your boyfriend’s perspective let me know! I think we are hardest on those we are closest to and that is why. If you look at attachment, people lash out or do things they wouldn’t regularly do with the people that they are actual the most securely attached to.
EZ!! I am the boyfriend side..... I am in a relationship with my boyfriend and I have fell into a deep depression with anxiety but I’ve had that my whole life. I don’t want to talk, kiss, or sleep with my boyfriend. He is having a hard time with this. I really want him to move out but still be there for me. He would never go for that. I want to miss him and see if I really want to be with him. It’s very hard because my depression is so bad. I know you love him. It sounds like he is seriously depressed but doesn’t realise it. He wants you to be there for him but be separate at the same time. Maybe he has other issues he’s not telling you about.... how old are you if you don’t mind me asking? I totally get what he is trying to do but he needs to get his head out of the games and focus on getting himself better. if he is not willing to help himself then you can’t help him.
Hi there, I am 35 and he is 38. Does it get better? I want a life partner and I love him very much but can’t do the yo-yo heart break over and over. I am just confused. Like I legit asked why he didn’t call me ( I was told that he needed more time for Netflix and video games so didn’t have time) and it pushed him into feeling like a failure and here we are. How do you plan events for friends, play co-operative games online with them but then be unable to talk to your girlfriend on the phone for 20 mins? I’m not trying to belittle the problem, I truly don’t understand.
U really say the same things my boyfriend does. I told him to leave but I want to know I can have him back once I get better. But once I get better I might not want him back. I don’t think he would come back any way but he’s prob scare because he’s depressed and afraid to be totally without u but maybe u should not make urself available and see what happens
OMG you’re my boyfriend! I have heard that exact thing and it is hard. That makes sense with the pushing away. He told me that he doesn’t want to fail me and that he doesn’t want to drag me down with his depression too. Mine tells me he loves me still ( well he did) and when I was bawling, he started crying as he held me... He couldn’t look at me the whole time since it kept making him cry. I don’t know if this is good or not but I keep replaying it. I have mild anxiety myself, so this is difficult. I may need to call my doctor to get a Xanax refill.
Hello Ezbeats2006, I can understand what you are going through as a woman and the uncertainty that you are facing right now. But right now, your significant other is struggling to understand what he is going through himself. He feels he needs time and space to deal with what he is going through and probably this is the best way he can deal with it. To some people playing a game is a way of destressing. Give him some time to sort himself. For now, he needs a friend who will understand him. The role as friend is different from being a partner. The emotional commitment is different and he himself to be emotionally balanced to play that role effectively. Encourage and support him to go through therapy. Try and stay focus and positive. Best wishes
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