Guilt and shame triggering anxiety - Anxiety and Depre...

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Guilt and shame triggering anxiety

Kat63 profile image
17 Replies

This morning I saw something that reminded me of something bad I did five years ago (a FB post that probably hurt somebody very badly.)

I was doing pretty well the past few days, but now I’m feeling anxious and insecure - and terrible about myself.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel good about myself or proud of myself again. What do you do when you’ve done something wrong and feel honest remorse about it and want to make up for it somehow?

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Kat63 profile image
Kat63
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17 Replies

I tell Jesus and God how sorry I am and ask for forgiveness

Kat63 profile image
Kat63 in reply tolillyofthevalley37

I already did that, but I still feel terrible. I just want to stop doing bad things and ruining my own life.

Oh my God...I had to read your post to make sure that I didn’t post it! I did the exact same thing about 7 months ago. I actually wrote something terrible in my brothers Facebook acct (I had his password) and I simply cannot forgive myself....I had no reason for doing it...it was done during a manic phase...please message me. Our stories are so similar it’s unreal.

CatIsMyCopilot profile image
CatIsMyCopilot

We're you ever able to apologize? I find that even if it's been a million years, apologizing for something I never apologized for can really help me let go.

Kat63 profile image
Kat63 in reply toCatIsMyCopilot

I made a blanket apology for all the wrong things I did to this person. He accepted it. I just feel like (even if he has forgiven me) he isn’t really healed from it yet. I just want to know that the hurt wasn’t permanent.

Daisymom profile image
Daisymom in reply toKat63

Do you mind if I ask what the offense was? I am in a similar situation… What I said was not necessarily untrue because this person has been unkind to me however I did not need to say it in the way I did and I feel regret

NoRegret profile image
NoRegret

I am having guilt and shame for an email I sent. I am sure I really hurt one of the most important people in my life. I apologized several times but it doesn't make the things I said go away, my relationship isn't healed. I have found it helpful to stay in the moment and try not to let my mind fixate on the issue. I am trying to be patient and wait until the next step forward to mending happens. I have fought isolating about this but did clear my mind long enough to get out and walk the arts festival in my tiny community, that helped to get out and let the sunshine on my shoulders. This morning I sit here feeling remorse about my behavior. I am not sure what is in my bag of tricks to get me through today, maybe gardening. Try anything you can to stay in this very moment. Best to you!

Kat63 profile image
Kat63 in reply toNoRegret

Thank you. It helps to know I’m not the only one.

NoRegret profile image
NoRegret in reply toKat63

Hugs, sometimes those fb memories really stir emotions. I hope you get feeling better real soon.

Sunnidayz1 profile image
Sunnidayz1

Hi Kat!❤

The way through this is practicing self compassion. It helps to understand that we all human, that we all make mistakes. I know it's not easy but it works.

Know that you are loved.

XxSunni

brokenspirit100 profile image
brokenspirit100

Simply apologize to the person that you've done wrong. But be prepared they may not accept your apology and that's okay , it not about getting forgiveness it about you writing a wrong.

Kat63 profile image
Kat63 in reply tobrokenspirit100

It’s about his pain getting healed, too.

geokitten12 profile image
geokitten12

That’s the hardest thing about anxiety, I find. It makes you ruminate on your mistakes and in many times amplify them to the point where you feel like you’re not worthy. Remember that anxiety lies. You are worthy of love and compassion. You are worthy of forgiveness. You are human.

One of the things that helps me in these times is to think about what I would say to a friend if they were in the same situation. Would I berate them the way my anxiety berates me? No, I wouldn’t. I would tell them that they made a mistake, they can and will learn from it, and it’s ok.

Try to do something that can ground you from the endless cycle of focusing on that mistake. Can you change your environment? Take a walk? Color or do a puzzle? Anything to break the endless loop that anxiety plays in your head can help!

imasleep123 profile image
imasleep123

One thing I try to remember about forgiveness for wrongdoing is that I cannot focus on the person I wronged so much. I cannot control what happened to the other person, how they received that hurt, or how they overcome it. That is their journey to take no matter how much I apologize to them. At some point, the forgiveness for wrongdoing has to come from within. I have to forgive myself and as Sunnydayz1 said, this requires self-compassion.

As a person with an anxiety/depressive disorder mood swings and impulsivity can be issues and in my case, that sometimes can get directed towards other people, unfortunately. It’s one of the things I hate the most about my mood swings. I just give my best and most heartfelt apology and then I try to focus on getting the treatment I need so that I can get better at regulating my moods. Also for me, the tendency to act out towards others is a big reason why I isolate.

Tealribbon profile image
Tealribbon in reply toimasleep123

It's been 3 months so you may not read this, but your comment about the other person and their forgiveness toward us is their journey. That calmed me. I tend to ruminate and think (wrongly) that I can't feel better or forgive myself until they accept my apology. Thank you.

I would try and make it up somehow. You have nothing to lose. That person may have forgiven you or maybe she/he will once they've seen that you've made a genuine effort to put things right

Music85 profile image
Music85

I too feel a lot of guilt when I lash out at others. I have a friend in particular that I do this to often. I wonder if they actually like me or are just now putting up with me. I know I am not myself when my anxiety grabs a hold of me and I hate feeling this way.

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