My anxiety is getting worse every time I think about him.
I was doing pretty well and actually it’s been officially one month of full no contact, but after I found myself in this lonely situation, my brain keeps going to the comfortable past and since he is the past and he was making my days less lonely and better, my brain goes back to him.
I find myself wanting to text him very often or I just think about him and these two actions only are enough to make me feel awful. I am fighting with myself to not text him because I don’t wanna go back to him I don’t wanna talk to him, but a part of me really wants to tell him how bad I feel about him treating me like that. I want him to know that I know what he did and it won’t be unpunished. That he can’t treat people like that. So I am fighting with myself to not text him and I go into a stage where my heart beats very fast but not in a good way, I have a ball in my stomach, I feel like I can’t find a place, I’m not good in my skin, I wanna do something. I have some kind of an energy that I wanna get away from me.
It’s very hard to explain but do you have any ideas and tips how to cure this?
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sad_watermelon
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Im sorry you are feeling bad. Do you journal? You could start a journal just to write about how you’re feeling about this situation. Or if I remember correctly you said you draw. Get a scetch pad and draw how you are feeling at the moment. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just to express your emotions. No one has to see it. It might help to release your anxiety in the moment.
Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? Have you seen diamond painting? You stick these little crystals on a picture. My daughter does it. They make nice gifts. You can even send in a picture and they will make a pattern for it. Check it out on Amazon or Etsy. My daughter has a high stress job, she said this helps take her mind off her problems for a while.
Yes, I talk a lot about him in my posts here but I will recapitulate for you and I will try to make it as short as possible, but it’s a long story.
He was my first love and my first relationship because I got into dating pretty late and we were together for 20 months and had such a great relationship.
Until he started treating me badly. He was calling me awful words just because I was wearing a dress or a skirt and he didn’t like me wearing dresses, skirts or make up when I actually liked myself that way (and buy make up I mean mascara and lip gloss). He was also making me a plan C. I can’t even say a plan B because he was always prioritising his mother on a scale where it got too much for me. He only wanted to stay with her instead of going out with me and when I was trying to understand why because, I wanted to know what he’s feeling, he told me that he loves his mother a lot and he doesn’t want her to stay alone at home. I was fine with it until I was staying at home alone for days and he wouldn’t come to see me even for an hour, even though I had breakdowns, he would leave me having my breakdowns and say “I can’t help you, sorry”and hang up the phone. Then he started telling me that if we go on vacation, he wants us to go on vacation only with his mother, if I want to live together we should live with his mother or if we live very close to her, which I suggested because I can’t leave with somebody else, I just want it to be me and my love one, he told me that if we live close to her, he will have to go to see her every day for hours and have dinner with her at least four or five times a week and I wasn’t okay with that so I was trying to end the relationship so badly. I knew I had to because it was driving me crazy and I was in a very bad mental health because of it.
He saw me trying to end the relationship but didn’t really do anything. He said that whatever I decide that’s what we’re gonna do. Until one day we got into a big fight once again because he was prioritising his mother when I really needed him it was the day before my biggest and life changing exam we got in the fight and he promised me at least to talk on the phone for 10 minutes so I can express what I’m feeling, what his actions made me feel (because I’m a kind of person who really wants the other person to know how their actions made me feel and not just being mad for no reason) he promised me 10 minutes. When I was about to go into the “culmination” he told me “I’m already home. I will hang up the phone to see my mum” and I said “okay just four more minutes, I’m almost finished” and he said “no” and he hang up the phone. I got so angry and I just texted him that we are over , then he wanted us to talk we talked and he said “I want us to be like before” and I agreed even though the next day,the day of my first exam (there were 2 exams 2 days in a row ) I set rendezvous just after my exam and he came and I thought that we were like before (that’s what he said) so I go and try to kiss him and he says “ew, no, I don’t even wanna kiss you” and says that he wants us to be friends, that he’s tired of loving me. He was very supportive though because I showed him it hurts me to give up the relationship. He moved on in three days though…
I really thought that we will be friends but a few days before I leave the country to go to university I set a rendezvous so we can say goodbye and I told him “you know that this is just temporary goodbye, that doesn’t mean that we’re not gonna text each other like we do now” and he said “yeah don’t worry”.
He hasn’t text me since and I actually found out that he has blocked me on social media. He knew how scared I was to move abroad and he didn’t even wish me luck asked me how I was…
Gosh sad_watermelon what a dilemma, but what i see is someone very controlling when he objects to your makeup and clothes, and frankly if you stayed with him i see a life of control, you have every right to wear makeup and clothes that you like. And then i see he is a mother's boy who is in fact dependant on, I can understand his concern for his mother but his obsession is completely off the scale. I had a similar experience with my mother who i loved dearly but i had to break away and i did, and if anything i gained more respect for doing so. I honestly think this guy is bad news for you and as hard as it is you must let it go for your own sanity, for it will eat away at you and weaken your resolve.
i think he’s very aware of his actions so texting him this long paragraph on how he’s making you feel won’t resolve anything you may feel good about getting it off your chest but what if he doesn’t reply then what? It hurts even more I’m not trying to be rude in any way but let him go he seems controlling and you’re your own person and don’t deserve that . I will say give yourself time and space to draw anything that brings you comfort. This is so random but I was watching a madea play lol and she said “its okay to be sad , depressed cry about it but don’t sit in that for too long get up and go on with your life especially if you did your part in the relationship being a good gf. Move on there’s better waiting ahead and it starts with you . This too shall pass love sending you virtual hugs 🤗 you got this .
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Idk what to do anymore..
Relationship Anxiety
Sadness, anxiety and low self esteem.
Anxiety 
Severe social anxiety and depression
