Grief and Guilt

[mvillarreal]

Hi, all. I lost a beloved animal companion about four years ago and still sometimes struggle with feelings of guilt. Poor Moe (the cat) died of kidney obstruction, and I feel like it might be my fault. I didn't clean his litter box as often as I should have, and this was highly evident when he would poop on the floor in the house sometimes. Now, I have to wonder if he would hold it in until he couldn't any longer, and this is what lead to his kidney obstruction. I often find myself wondering, what if I had been more responsible? Could I have prevented a family tragedy? I feel even worse because I advocate strongly for animal rights and feel like I didn't put my money where my mouth is. How do I cope with this guilt?

[nicetry]

You can’t blame yourself for Moe’s death. Kidney disease is very common in cats; obstruction is I think caused by calcium build up, not “holding it in”. Your guilt is unnecessary & weighing you down. It’s clear you loved Moe. That’s what you should remember.

[mvillarreal in reply to nicetry]

Yeah. It's just hard because I've heard not cleaning the litter box enough can do that to a cat, and I worry that I could've done better. It's hard not to feel guilty knowing that, especially seeing all the suffering he went through. He couldn't eat a thing because he would just throw it up, and he was no longer the weird, happy self he used to be. Thinking that I could've prevented all that horrible suffering is a feeling that's hard for me to let go of.

[nicetry in reply to mvillarreal]

There isn’t anything you could’ve done to prevent it — or cause it for that matter. Not cleaning the box enough might piss the cat off, but I’ve never heard of it causing anything other than bad behavior. It’s genetics and unfortunately cats are prone to kidney disease & kidney failure.

[mvillarreal in reply to nicetry]

But what if that's what caused it? Then what?

[nicetry in reply to mvillarreal]

That is NOT what caused it. Trust me mvillrreal. I work with animals and have never heard of a dirty litter box causing anything other than behavior problems (ie a PO’d cat). Please put that out of your mind as best you can ❤️

[hypercat54]

Hi I totally understand that as one of my cats died at 9 of lung cancer and I smoked. That was 30 years ago and I still blame myself even now.

Having said that my other cats haven't so maybe she had a propensity to it. I comfort myself with the thought she was very much loved and knew it. I am sure she has forgiven me and is waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge.

Nicetry is right though in that kidney disease is very common in cats and one of mine had it too. With treatment though he did live to 17. If a cat is going to get that then I am sure you are not to blame x

[Elliott_Woods]

Honestly, don't put so much blame on yourself. We all wish we could have done things differently, but we can't go back in time. Now, if you had purposely killed your cat, then that would be different. Know that you loved your cat so much that you have made this post, to me that says that you cared.

I don't think this was your fault at all 💜 it's something that unfortunately happened. Moe is at peace now. I believe you loved your cat and have no reason to feel guilt.

Much love to you ♥️

[batmasterson]

part of what you are feeling is grief that is fueling the guilt.