I've been officially disabled since 2015, but I last was able to work in 2002.
To give background to my situation:
I started working at 14 (as an IRA/Keogh processor, of all things) and worked through college, until graduation at which point I landed a dream job as a pioneer of the virtual reality industry.
Things started off fine, and with youthful naivety, I poured my all into my career. But then, reality started to hit. Work was 7 days a week, 10-24 hour days, 365 days a year. No overtime pay. Impossible to meet deadlines. Other people failing to do their jobs correctly (but heading home to enjoy life) while I was stuck in the office or on my couch in my apartment doing *their* work and mine. (And getting sole blame when deadlines weren't met.) In the end, in my last company, we had a merger with another division and the developers we merged with sabotaged my project and got me "downsized". That was the final straw, and I couldn't return to work again, all trust shattered.
(As a quick aside, it was *NOT* only the four companies I worked for that had this schedule. ALL careers in the field, all other software development, and all related fields (say, graphic design) fall into the same traps of constant work, no life, immediate deadline. I had not out to a "better" company that wouldn't work me so much... they all did (and still do). Those who don't have landed in pure unicorn jobs, and those companies won't last long (unless it's a behemoth like Google, but that's out of the realm of possibility.)
That last work was at the end of 2002. I had no income from then until 2015 (I lived by selling everything I had of value, cashing out my 401k, and a small inheritance when my grandmother died), at which point I finally became officially federally disabled with anxiety disorder and depression.
Now I find myself struggling at 47 to make it aid check to aid check. I'm also burdened with taking care of my mom, who I live with, and she is losing her memory. I'm in charge of paying her finances (with her Social Security) and she doesn't get enough per month to handle her few bills and even simple unexpected bills (like a large energy bill due to keeping us alive in the -20F weather during the polar vortex this year.) As an example, this month she still has three weeks before getting her social security- and she's already at -$86. Yep, negative. When I get my unlivable amount of aid, I will have to pay my bills (not too many, but still adds up to a few hundred) I'll have to put a few hundred in her account, leaving me without money to make it to the end of the month, eat, or go anywhere or do anything without help from others (thankfully for my mental health my dad gives me money to get out of the house so I'm not stuck in bed 100% of the time.)
Now that I'm disabled though, I don't know how to move forward. I have no idea how to make money ever again. Since people are impatient in today's world and think a handful of paragraphs are "too much to read", I'll give a snapshot of my circumstances I face in bulletpoint without explanation. Note that these (unless mentioned) are not *wants*. They are *needs*. Non-optional. I'll also recap some disability rules in case people don't know.
*Disability- Can only earn $80 a month without losing benefits. (1 - 1/2 hours of work.)
*Disability- Not allowed to save more than $2000. (As if it's possible to save!)
In a work environment
*I can not travel (local or distance)
*I can not work phones
*I can not sell
*I can not directly serve customers or clients
*I can not troubleshoot
*I can not work overtime or 6-7 day weeks
*I can not work in a dangerous environment
*I can not work outdoors
*I can not work physical labor
*I can not work with dangerous equipment or tools
*I can not work in certain environments (warehouses, factories, car repair shops, etc.)
Due to my anxiety disorder
*I can not guarantee my presence at any moment, I may need to leave at any time without warning or communicating for sometimes up to two or three days. (Normally a few hours or half a day.)
*I can not meet deadlines or be under their pressure
Things I *want/need* (but without them I'd never be able to maintain the work)
*I have to do creative work
*I have to work on computers
*My work needs to be prestigious to some degree- I need to be proud to declare my career to others- "I'm a data entry clerk" does not cut it.
*To accomplish work, I need to be let loose, sit at a desk with headphones on and do my thing. No daily meetings, or phone conferences, or email chains, etc. All those things waste time and accomplish little to nothing.
*I need to work alone- a team is fine, where others have roles, but I need my work to be mine, not wok-by-committee.
*I can not move to get work
*I can not return to school
*I can not (and will not) volunteer or intern- aka "work for free"
Vital needs from any career
*A livable, decent wage
*Benefits, including affordable healthcare
*Guaranteed income (if I lose my job, I *can not* fall back to temporary jobs like fast food or driving an uber)
So, feel free to set aside the block on "wants", and only pay attention to the rest.
What in the heck do I do to make money? How can I ever safely go off disability?
Please note- disability took eight YEARS to process. If you go off of it, you don't get to go right back on if things don't work out. You go to the front, and have to start over. Another almost decade, and NO guarantee you'll be approved. Conservative politicians have drastically reduced aid amounts and approvals for "new" applicants to disability.
Ignoring the risks of leaving disability, what possible way can I earn a living that *guarantees* income?
The most overwhelming statement is "work from home". That's lovely, and makes sense.... until you realize to do so you have to 1) sell something 2) contact people to sell to or be clients 3) meet deadlines to get them what they want in a short timeframe. I can do none of these.
Creating something from scratch seems like the only viable option, trying to sell it on a website. But 1) I don't have the talent at a high enough level to create something not already offered, and such talent is inherent, not learned and 2) there's no way to guarantee selling enough of something to make what you need per month. What happens when I make custom T-shirts and don't sell enough to eat and pay bills the next month? I have no way to fill in that gap. No help elsewhere.
I simply don't know how to function in this society. And it's really sad, because our society doesn't need to operate this way. Everyone could be doing things they are proud of, vastly improving the world and having all the resources necessary to survive, but instead we triple down on cut-throat "I got mine, you go die" capitalism that has turned everyone into corporate slave labor.
Anyone able to solve this decades old mystery? Before you say yes, take note: There was a vocational expert at my disability hearing, who heard my situation and read my medical history, and agreed fully that I could only accomplish 40% of work in any given week in any environment, and therefore I could not work as I would be fired anywhere.
He had 30 years of experience and 4 degrees and couldn't solve my situation. =P
Anxiety, depression, insomnia, and just how I feel...
Anxiety/Depression associated with Complex Trauma
8 years
I have no idea how to make friends.
