Anxiety, depression, insomnia, and just how I feel...

[Tracey12345678]

With everyday I find myself wondering how I can find want used to be... the kid so full of hope, so happy, and confident.... with everyday I find my self getting further from that person... becoming scared, broken, negative, and careless... I've search for love... I've searched for hope... I worked my ass of to get ahead... and yet I always find myself at the beginning... falling in love to fast while never thinking anyone could ever love me... so I fuck up the relationship before I can get hurt... losing hope and pieces of my heart, yet again... I can't even make conversation with the one girl I've loved since I was 16... the stupid part is I know she likes me back, still, she's told me and kissed me... I can never just let it be... I have to fuck it up and I don't know why... I just want love why am i never allowed it... if i can't have love let me enjoy not having to survive off no money... why can't I just be happy... why can't I just go to school and learn... why can't I do anything with out screwing it up... why must I overthink every thing.... why must the only relief to my anxiety and depression be the presence of the one I'll never be able to spend time with because work takes me so far from her... and I got too excited and started trying to hard... to spend time with her because I love her and miss her so much... she's the only one for me always has been but I'm afraid I'm not good enough.... shes like a drug and I know she just hasn't had time yet spend with me but what if I fucked it up.... by telling her i was sorry for getting to excited about dating her... what if she wasn't fully ready and I pushed to hard.... what if she finds someone better then me while I'm gone on the road I told her that I was fine not being exclusive because i hope when she wants to be exclusive she'll choose me... how am i supposed to love her properly if i can never love myself.... someone please help me.... I'm falling... I need to be whole again... I'm a hopeless romantic that is bound to never be loved. I have anxiety, depression and insomnia... I really need help I'm so tired of feeling stupid, tired, overwhelmed, and all the while not being able to feel human... help... I need advice I have no clue what to do... I'm on doxipen but all it does is put me to sleep and not help...

[Bjo51]

Dear Tracey12345678, I don’t think there are any true experts in love. The people who have luck with it that I know work at it. It’s not like the movies show us. If it were I would be very happily married. I am now 59 and it was about 2 years ago I heard from someone I had a crush on since I was a little girl. It made my day. He had a crush on me also but when we moved out of the neighborhood he didn’t know where we moved. You don’t have to wait 40 years but maybe you want to treat your anxiety and figure out what you would like to say to this girl for real. Bless you and I hope it all works out for you.

[Tracey12345678 in reply to Bjo51]

Thank you, I really appreciate that... and I know I've got to go and get my script updated... I really hope it all works out too... I definitely need this taken care of so I can talk to her with my own word not "anxiety trying so hard and coming off horroribly"...

[gbrickhouse]

You need to be on a lot of the meds besides the one your on. your suffering when you shouldn't be. Everything you say you have, they have medicine to treat it. have you been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with these problems, or is this your interpretation of having the diseases based on how your feeling?

[Tracey12345678 in reply to gbrickhouse]

I was prescribed by my primary physician 25 mg doxipen for "extreme anxiety and depression"... It's been 6 months since then and I'm finding that my old symptoms are coming back... I need to go back and see if they can change something but my doc. Before my doc said that was the most she could or would do for me...

[Tracey12345678 in reply to Tracey12345678]

She wouldn't even refer me to a psychiatrist...