A sad realization

Joining this website is the most I’ve done in a while to really help myself. I’m starting to notice most the things I do to deal with depression are just short term distractions from my feelings. Once I’m done with a project (distraction) I still feel empty. It’s been probably a solid year or two of this.

I want to face my problems head on but when I try to it’s very overwhelming. I’m thinking it’s probably time to see my therapist ( it’s been over a year since my last session, but I was doing well then). It’s just very embarrassing I have to ask my parents for help with transportation to my appointments and it feels like I’ve lost all progress I made. I feel disappointed with myself and feel like others around me are going to be disappointed when I say I need to go back.

[Hidden]

I used to feel embarrassed about my depression but I learned that for me, it's not embarrassing, it's a disease that needs to be treated like other diseases. After suffering with depression for most of my life, I finally made the decision to get help. I found that the people who truly care about me were nothing but supportive and glad I was finally getting the help I needed. They wouldn't be disappointed if I needed to go back, they'd be disappointed if I quit going before I was ready to.

The most important thing is taking care of you and not worrying about what others think. I know that's much easier said than done but I learned to do it. If I don't take care of me, I'm of no use to anyone else.

I hope you can take that first step to take care of you and go back to therapy. We all deserve to get our happy back.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words and wisdom. I can see that these feeling are something I need to learn to live with and grow from, because they’ll always be a part of me, sometimes I just don’t know how.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I now know some of the negative feelings will always be part of me. I'm learning how to take the power away from those feelings so they can no longer hurt me. I am a work in progress and will be for a while. But I'm determined to keep moving forward. Once you take that first step, the other steps get easier.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m just now starting to see how these feelings don’t really leave. And seeing others who have stuggled longer than I have give me strength, but also gives a strange kind of feeling knowing I’ll never really be okay... if that makes sense

[bluestars725]

I can relate to this. I also find that I use short term distractions as well, but as soon as they are over it feels as though my world falls down and depression and generalized anxiety disorder hit me hard. I'm dealing with this very situation at the moment. I also used to be embarrassed about my struggle with these mental illnesses, especially when I was first diagnosed but that's exactly what they are; illnesses that require treatment and there is nothing wrong with that.

Please don't be embarrassed about having to go back to your therapist or ask your parents for help with transportation. Healing is rarely a straight line, and the fact that you can say that you want to face your depression head on is nothing to be disappointed about. It is courageous. I hope things improve for you. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to bluestars725]

I had really thought I’d come to terms with my illness, but feeling it come back around like this is just overwhelming all over again. Thanks for sharing your experience with this problem, it’s nice to know it’s not just me

[bluestars725 in reply to Hidden]

I understand. I still struggle with coming to terms with it, especially when I'm having a depressive episode like I have been the past few days. I also had a severe anxiety attack today. Just when you think you understand these illnesses, they confuse us all over again. It is most definitely not just you. You're not alone.

[Hidden in reply to bluestars725]

Thanks for your support, sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough go of it lately. Hopefully you pull through soon

[bluestars725 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I hope things improve for you too.

[Bostonian]

Don't think of it that way. Your are taking care of yourself, and your loved ones will support you. Some days will be better than others, though realizing you need help is a victory in and of itself.

[marheart]

My view is just the opposite. You are strong enough to pay attention to yourself and discover what is missing to balance out your life.

Absolutely ask for a ride to see the Therapist. Be grateful that you can ask. It might be uncomfortable depending on your family dynamics. How do they know you need help if you don't ask for it?

I don't understand what's wrong with me and the anxiety/panic/depression. How can anyone else understand me.

Express your gratitude to them when asking for their help. Then tell yourself how grateful you are for taking those small steps to move forward.

You are a winner in hiding!

[Hidden]

Thank you for showing me your perspective, that does seem to help too. That is a very good point how do they know I need the help if I don’t ask.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

We all need help. That’s why we make societies. That’s why we make families. We aren’t supposed to do it all alone. How dreadful. You do what you have to do you’re health is taken care of. You are way too important to your family and us to just let this go. Parents are always parents. We know we don’t stop just bc you’re a certain age. I doubt your parents were that short sighted. They love you and want you healthy.

Doaty

[Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Thank you for sharing a parents perspective, it made sense when you said “we know we don’t stop just bc you’re a certain age” .. my parents aren’t that short sighted, I think it’s mostly in internal worry of disappointment or something along those lines

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Hidden]

Let them tell you how they feel. I find it very unfair when my grown children make assumptions about how I feel about something. I usually end up crying. You’re speaking so highly of your parents. Let them continue to be your blessing. 💛

[Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

That’s something I’ve never really thought of.. I’ve thought of it the opposite way with them assuming how I feel, but when you say that of course nobody likes assumptions about feeling parents or children even friends ... awesome eye opening comment thank you!

[Chancalot]

It's better to seek help than to run into a wall and you family are forced to seek help for you. It's good you can recognize you need to speak to someone. Explain it to your parents I'm sure they'll understand. They are the most important since they have to take you to appointments.

[SoaringEagle]

I am new to this site and your post is the first I have read so far. I really liked all of these replies, and the suggestions to try not to worry about what others think of us. We are our worst enemies (my thinking) and we are SO hard on ourselves. Also, one mentioned that getting out of this fog and walking toward recovery is not a straight line. Life is hard, plain and simple, and as you have heard, knowing you are not alone really helps. I'll introduce myself at some point, but this is about you right now Humor helps me a lot--I go on Youtube and watch my favorite comedians. Let me know if you want suggestions

Scout

[Hidden in reply to SoaringEagle]

Hi and welcome SoaringEagle I hope you find what your looking for here as I have. It’s a beautiful community of support and friendly suggestions from people who can relate to our situations. It’s hard to find people who understand in the world around us and am glad to be here. I also enjoy humor for a nice change of pace from my regular feelings it’s a good suggestion.

[marheart]

Yes, go talk it out with a professional. This is about you. Not about how you think others are thinking. Express gratitude to your helpers and to yourself for taking care of you.