I’m a college student, in my sophomore year. Three weeks ago I had a panic attack in class (which is typical for me and my family will help me through them most of the time). This time was different. I was having a lot of disassociation. It’s scary. I haven’t gotten out of bed in the past three weeks. I missed a lot of school and now my parents and I decided that I need to be home for the rest of the semester and the summer. I’ve been having trouble reconnecting with reality and living. It’s as if there is no true point to life and it’s been putting me in a very very dark place. I’m going to see my therapist this week but I’m scared nothing is going to get me better. I don’t want to be afraid to live my life. I’m only 19, I have a lot left to do but I’m afraid I’m never going to get better. I really just need someone to tell me it’s going to be okay and that it’s going to get better because it really doesn’t feel like it will. I want to go to school and live a normal life but it just doesn’t seem possible for me anymore.
Living a Nightmare: I’m a college... - Anxiety and Depre...
Living a Nightmare
It definitely CAN and WILL get better, but you need medical treatment for it to happen. I hope that you are seeing a therapist at this time.
I am going back to therapy this week
Are you familiar with Dr. Claire Weekes? You can watch her videos on overcoming anxiety and panic on YouTube, and her books are great.
Not getting out of bed and being in a dark place definitely sounds like depression. Have you tried any medications?
Yeah I’ve tried a lot of different ones. I overdosed when I was a junior in high school so it’s been hard to find a good one since then. I’m starting paxal soon I think and I’m on buspar
I looked up buspar and that is for anxiety. Paxil is for depression and hopefully that will work for you.
I had some bad episodes of depression during college but luckily made it through. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Take care of yourself first. Finding the right combination of medication helped me to get through rough episodes in my life. It sounds like your parents are supportive and that is a big plus.
Hang in there. Try to find things that will get you through a rough day. I have found that exercise, music, and doing things that get me out of my head help me. Try not to isolate. Just getting out of the house for even an hour can help.
Hang in there, gail. Something similar happened to me and I did finish school. And I bet a lot of people on this site can relate to what you're going through. You're not alone!
It's great you have a therapist. Tell them what's going on. Hold on to the people you love & who love you. This isn't the end of your story. We are all here to support you. ♡♡♡
Do you think maybe you had a nervous breakdown? If so, is there anything you think might have triggered it? A stress in your life that may have contributed? A major panic attack that is much worse than most panic attacks, followed by days to weeks of major depression, is a sign of a nervous breakdown.
My sister just bought her first house with her boyfriend (she’s 23) and I think that had a huge impact on me because I’m bad with change and knowing that we will never have the same type of household was a lot for me to handle so maybe it’s that. I also lost a connection with someone I really liked. And then huge questions about life and earth started entering my head and wouldn’t leave and I’m still struggling with those
I'm sorry to hear that. If you don't mind, can you say more about the huge questions about life and earth? I actually have really bad existential anxiety, and philosophical questions were part of what lead to my own nervous breakdown. Who did you lose a connection with, if you don't mind me asking?
Hi gail19,
I went through all this my senior year in college 
I'm fine. You're going to be fine.
I second the recommendation to read/listen to Claire Weekes. I have some of her stuff on my profile. She will explain to you how harmless all of this is, and how normal it is for the circumstances. You are simply fearful and bewildered right now. Your nervous system has become sensitized (harmless) due to all that adrenaline you are unwittingly adding to the situation, causing you to feel so disconnected and strange. Recovery lies in understanding and accepting all of this for what it is. Please check her out. She was a brilliant doctor who completely figured out how anxiety and panic work, how these so frequently lead to depression, and how to completely recover. I'm quite sure you're going to be A-OK
I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
First step is to think positive.
You will be normal and will complete everything.
2nd
Deep breath hold it in for few seconds then let it go. Repeat this few times. Slowly increas the number of your deep breathing
3rd
You are over thinking. Stop this.
4th
Do the first 3 for few days. And let me know.
Your brain need more fresh air. You are not giving your brain a chance.
Hey Gail,
You asked for it, so I'm going to tell you in all honesty: it's going to be okay, I promise. I went through a lot of this during college and it was unnerving to walk out while having a full on panic attack (friggin' class sizes....excuse me, excuse me...anxiety attack, yep...excuse me...sorry...sorry). Disassociation, while very uncomfortable, is extremely common for anxiety and panic. The list of symptoms anxiety has is in the hundreds. If it were a holiday, it would be Halloween because it always has a way to dress up differently...and sometimes it's a bit scary (though all is normal). I know it's difficult to try, but try setting small goals every day and getting things done. You'll feel accomplished and getting on with your life until you see the therapist. I know when I have a bunch of anxiety or panic attacks, I find myself laying around like I had the longest flu ever. It doesn't help at all to sit waiting for it to happen again. Try something very small today and see how it goes. If it's too much, get smaller. Turn a page in a book....anything.
Thankfully, as I was a little younger when mine started, anxiety and panic would come and go....and I say thankfully because during the "go" periods, things were great. It is something you'll have to live with, work with, and work on. There are so many better resources today than there was before. Medication, mindfulness, meditation, CBT via a therapist, acupuncture (I really love this...it has helped), and more. Try to have a more positive outlook. School is stressful and you're being really hard on yourself thinking all is lost.
The therapist will help you and maybe even a trip to the doctor to talk about (if you're interested in it) medications that may benefit you. Mindfulness doesn't require a prescription and you can find apps on your phone (pair with headphones) that guide you a session....during or without anxiety attacks. They'll assure you that you're okay and that this will pass. Again, having been around the same age as you, here's proof that life goes on. You'll find deep breathing exercises that naturally calm you down.
I have an idea where you're at...deflated and feeling like this will control you. It's important to know, you're going to take control of it. Try not to look at things too far ahead and take things step by step. Try to avoid what the anxious thoughts are telling you. They're irrational thoughts fueled by irrational questions. I have a feeling you're going to leave the therapist feeling a lot better having talked about what's going on and making a plan for how you're going to handle things in the future. It feels so good to get everything off your shoulders. I swear, you leave that place with a natural good feeling. Hang in there, use your support here, and keep working at it. Know that everything is going to be okay, you'll finish school, and your life WILL go on. We're always here to listen and support you without judgement, many of us having been in similar shoes as you. Let us know how the therapist goes
Edit to add: Anxiety is a normal response by the body, it's our survival instincts. When your body perceives threat, it begins to activate the "fight or flight" response which then gives us all the really uncomfortable feelings...heart rate increase, depersonification, dizziness, weakness, and on and on and on. This is because all of the blood in your body is being redirected to critical response organs to run away or fight. While we don't have to run from predators anymore, our brain is still wired to do that. So our lungs, heart, and brain start taking getting ready to run a marathon. My main point to all of this is your body is doing a very normal task except it's just an overreaction. It doesn't want to harm or scare you, it wants to get you the heck outta there or fight trying. Anxiety and panic attacks cannot kill you. Most last about ten minutes look like a mountain in terms of severity....we hit the peak and then we begin to subside, calm down, and it's gone. Blood flow goes back to normal....and we enter "rest and digest" (because our blood supply usually leaves the stomach to facilitate the call for action). This is why some people feel sick to their stomachs, nauseous, vomit, and so on. I like to describe all of this because it makes a lot of sense as to what's going on when we feel like we're losing control. We're not losing control, our body is just responding by protecting itself from threat. The breathing exercises people gave you above help with reducing the stress hormones that are responsible for kicking up the anxiety attack and helps promote "rest and digest". Once you get those breathing techniques down, you can have the chance to catch anxiety before it elevates. Again, you'll be okay
Thank you so much for all the information and support
I too have been battling intense anxiety for the past 4 months. I have started to improve with medication and therapy. Realize it takes time and there is no overnight fix - it will get better with treatment. I personally can tell you that CBT has helped me considerably. Also realizing that the physical symptoms are unpleasant but they won’t kill you and they won’t last forever. Don’t lose hope - just keep trying and try not to feel impatient or negative. Lean on your support system - don’t think people won’t care or be shy about it. I pray that you will be better soon for you.
The illness that disrupted my life for 21 years was the "common cold" of endocrine disorders: food/chemical intolerance->wasted gut->enteropathy->nutrient loss+autoimmunity(Hashimoto's)->hypothyroid->mental disorders(panic,anxiety,depression). Find a first-class doctor who can check you for autoimmunities, who will check your FT3 (free T3, available active thyroid hormone) and adrenal hormones, who knows how to check for multiple nutrient deficiencies. BigPharma drugs like benzos & ADs are not a permanent solution.
All will be well. Take one step at a time, and keep trying. As a result you will be so proud of yourself and come out of all feeling stronger and more confident.
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