Black OR white? Or Black AND white?

[Dreamie]

I’ve been reading something I find interesting and also makes me feel better about myself. A lot of times I get very down on myself. I think things like “I’m useless, selfish, weak, lazy” “People don’t care” “The world is full of evil” You get the picture! And it isn’t completely wrong BUT it isn’t completely right either. Because in each one of those statements is a certain amount of the opposite. I might feel or think I am useless but didn’t I just bathe my dog give him a flea treatment and take him for a walk? I might be selfish at times but I am not 100% selfish all the time. Some people don’t care or have time for me but what about my friend Jenny? There is a lot of bad and evil in this world but there is ALSO good people and good stuff happening.

I don’t know exactly why this line of thinking seems so profound to me. I guess we all know this. However when I am feeling the worst of my depression and anxiety I seem to forget that what my mind is telling me is not a full truth. And if it’s not a full truth then I can remind myself that whatever I’m thinking the OPPOSITE of it is also part of the truth.

Here’s a couple of quotes from my book that make me think and make me feel better.

“A person who exhibits both positive and negative qualities, strengths and weaknesses, is not flawed but complete.”

“All traits, good and bad, are relative. They can never completely describe who you really are.”

“It’s alright to be good and bad.

I like feeling more than one way about the people who are closest to me.

Niceness can have an edge; snide ness can be amusing.

My best friend wouldn’t be shocked to see me at my worst. My worst enemy would be pleasantly surprised to see me at my best.

Living up to my self-image is more exhausting than I let on.

I’ll never be perfect. I can live with that.

An Angel is assigned to people who can laugh in the face of misery.

It’s alright to find the villain sexy and the hero boring.

I will trust the next person who tells me I look good.

Letting the demons run can be very educational sometimes.

The worst thing anyone says about me contains some truth—about them.”

~from The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra.

[onthetrail]

So much truth there. Thanks for sharing! I think that simply learning to "look on the bright side" has been instrumental in my getting better. I also like to play a game with myself and ask how any adversity I'm facing might actually have positive aspects. For example, I'm dealing with an injury right now and it's forced me to get much more creative about exercising, and much more realistic about mobility issues as I get older.

This realization that "black" and "white" are really just different viewpoints on the *same* reality doesn't fix everything that overwhelms us, but it helps.

[marheart in reply to onthetrail]

Wow you are insightful! Thank you for sharing with us.

[hypercat54]

Hi it helps me to realise things are rarely black or white but shades of grey. And that's because we are all human and therefore not perfect. Who would want to be anyway? x

[marheart in reply to hypercat54]

It's the shades of grey--- black and/or white that take over so many times. Behavior Health doesn't like that I won't fill out their tablet questions before appts. My answer is not all the left one or all the one on the right.

So I sometimes feel frustrated and angry, then pick one just to move on. That sure can't be accurate. Or I learned to say NO. Tuff stuff!

There are probably close to 100 people in and out of that facility daily. We are all faced with that decision.

I think it's just that we are all statistics and their research teams have to gather their data for their reports.

Therapist asks me periodically to fill out the form and I regularly mumble with a shy - no. Her facial expression shows her disappointment.

Please, please stop asking me and all those others who live in the grey area. (All of us?) What a way to start each therapy session that put me thru torture of anxiety just to get to the facility.

[Jeff1943]

Dreamie, You say "The world is full of evil...this is the BLACK stuff". The opposite is the "white stuff". I know a lot of black people object to this Black=bad and White=good symbolism. What do you think?

[Dreamie in reply to Jeff1943]

I see what you are saying and that definitely wasn’t my intent at all. I don’t equate black and white to race but I can be a little naive at times so I appreciate you bringing it to my attention. I never mean to offend.