Anxiety due to Narcissistic mother?

[Anxilottle]

I either feel really content, really angry or numb.

I (think) I know why; my mums a narcissistic. I have found that I hate seeing family, or her friends, or my friends who's parents know my mum. She spreads false info about me. CONSTANTLY. I can hear her on the phone, and she'll say things like; "Grandma thinks your so rude." and her personal favourite; "I love you, But I don't like you." which is incredibly hurtful.

She'll also say; "Now your starting again," Starting is me being rude disrespectful ect. But it doesn't matter how I act. Its about how she FEELS. If it wasn't for my dad, I'd still be where I was at age 12; thinking I was insane, until about 15 I simply assumed I was a nasty little girl who deserved to die. Now back home back first year of uni, I had forgotten how bad it is. I could live near uni over summer, but its more expensive and I hate leaving my dad alone to deal with her.

I don't know how I'm going to survive with her. My anxiety is rocketing up, way worse than exams. I don't know what to do.

[hurtingheart1]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this I myself have dealt with similar things from parents and others close to me!! Just know you’re not alone and yes you are I’m sure not a good for nothing daughter! I’ve tried to learn that I just can’t take it personally as painful as it is these ppl have issues and anger and it may have nothing to do with you it’s there’s to heal and they may even love you in there way but they have there own deep pain, anger issues or scars they haven’t healed so saddly it gets taken out on ones close to them!! It’s helped me to at times try step back and look at them as more a wounded small child who doesn’t understand what they are doing (if that make sense?) anyway it kinda helps see from diff perspective!!

[Lvee]

If your underage you need to find help and report to social services.