My mother does not want me happy and tries to ruin my relationships

I literally lay in bed and cry at night. I'm 24 and my mother lives with me . She constantly tries to control me and what i do and who I talk to . I've had three relationships and even my good friends she's always had something to say no matter what it is . I've been seeing a boy who treats me so well and is amazing . However she hasn't even met him and Make all kinds of derogatory comments about him like he's a cheater, he's a bastard, he's brainwashing me etc. she seriously hates when she can't control me . She'll call me 3-5 times when I'm out with him and yells at me on the phone . I try and sleep at night and she keeps talking and talking. She tries guilt tripping me . I'm happy with this boy he means the world to me and everyone I know likes him. I can't stand it I feel suffocated . But yet she'll say I need a psychiatrist and I'm craZy apparently . Idk what to do

14 Replies

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  • This may sound a bit simplistic but can you move out? As for the phone calls, I have a grown daughter. I'm not calling to berate her but just to chat her up about random nonsense. She ignores my calls lots of the time, which is fairly normal I think for a person on their twenties although I don't love it. You could ignore her but the fact that you live together probably complicates things. It sounds like she has some issues to work out and you can't really help her with that. A little distance might help.

  • Don't give up, get help for you, an understanding therapist...it won't always be like this......you can't change your mother but learn how to get a handle on your life

  • It seems like she has some issues to work out. I'm sorry you are experiencing that. I know how difficult it can be. I think you should talk to her and tell her how much this is affecting you or maybe give her some distance but still talk to her. Message anytime you wanna talk.

  • Is it because it's a boy.

  • Hi it sounds to me like you are all she has and is terrified of losing you. You need to put some physical distance between you so you can get on with your own life. One of you needs to move out. x

  • She makes me feel guilty like I'm doing something wrong by being happy with someone . Then she proceeds to tell me I need a therapist . And there's nothing wrong with her . It's so annoying .

  • Hi, Youre message really moved me...I am a Mum of one, a son whos 29yrs old and has Aspergers I have been his Carer for years now, but I have ended up with severe seperation anxiety and literally feel scared when he leaves the house...Are u an only child if u don't mind me asking? It does sound similar and I wonder if she has anxiety herself...I agree maybe if u could afford to rent a place for yourself and if u can maybe try talking to your Mum and find out if shes feeling anxious, control usually comes through being anxious ..I am waiting to see a Psychologist for Cbt, I am hoping this will help...I'm here if u need to talk :)

  • Yes I am an only child and she's a single parent . I do get where she's coming from but it drives me away from her

  • Hi, I can see why u feel that way, its only natural, I think for us as a Mum we don't realise the fact that one day u need to live your own life, it does sound like she finds it difficult to let go, My son is out at the cinema just now and I feel so anxious, I think its more difficult when u are a single parent too, probably feeling the Empty nest syndrome, even though u still stay with her she will sense that u probably will move out in the near future and it can feel scarey...but if you've told her its driving u away then she needs to take small steps to lessen the control around u...Does she have any friends or hobbies? I think that was my mistake,i never made time to do anything else...

  • You know it will just get worse..you don't know what damage it's doing to you in the long run..you gotta sort it out with your mum or move out...if not, your doing the damage to yourself no one else...been there.

  • Whatever her reasons, you need to tell her to stop. Set boundaries. Explain that you understand her having concerns. But you will not put up with nasty comments. Maybe suggest family counselling for you both. Sort out your relationship with your mum now, before you end up in a relationship just to escape her, then find out you have just replaced her.

  • If she refuses, explain that you took her advice and got therapy, which is what this site is in a way. or you could see a professional and ask them.

  • Be kind though and refrain from making nasty comments yourself to your mum. Stay calm and firm. If she goes off on one, then put her in time out.

  • Sounds like My Mom lol. Don't fight with Her. My therapist said for Me to fix myself and learn how to communicate with her and maybe she will follow. My Mom has anxiety and she doesn't trust anything or anyone. Your Mom needs help but she'll probably never get it unfortunately. Just continue to Work on Yourself and the rest will follow.

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