Fear

[meme28]

Hello, I’m joining with hopes of connecting with ppl who share the same experience or that can provide helpful tips. I am 4 months postpartum and ever since giving birth I’ve had the fear of passing away. It’s like every post I see on social media or tv is about death. I keep thinking it’s a sign or something and my anxiety is through the roof. I can’t even enjoy my children because I’m constantly thinking that something bad is about to happen. Has anyone experienced this? I feel so alone because my husband thinks I’m crazy. I try my best to avoid thinking this means something but I can’t erase the thoughts once I see post.

[Whyami]

Wanted to tell you that you arent alone. My son was born in 2017 and my anxiety only seems to be getting worse. I fear that something horrible will happen to me. I worry about dying of some incurable disease. When I think about it, I can actually picture myself in a hospital bed with my son laying on me not understanding that I wont be there for him anymore. Its a terrible feeling. I feel panic set in and can really feel that gut wrenching sadness like I'm really there. It really is awful. I havent been on Facebook for almost a year because I cant stand to see those awful posts. Sometimes not clicking on them and reading the whole thing actually made it worse. My mind went through all the worst possible scenarios. It feels like your mind is against you. Like there are 2 people fighting in there. One of them showing you all these horrible images and putting the worst possible thoughts in your head. Then there's the other one trying so hard to think over the bad, trying to replace everything with positive thoughts and images. Its exhausting! Im here if you need to vent. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes when you get the thoughts out, they dont have as much power anymore. Are you in therapy? Or on medication?

[meme28]

OMG thank you and gosh I thought I was losing it!!! I totally feel like my “normal” self is trapped behind this “scared” person. I’m so drained on top of trying to be a brave mom. I’m trying to stay away from social media but then it’s on TV. I’m not on medication but I am seeing a therapist but she’s not really helping. She’s not giving me tools to help look past this. I will definitely be reaching out to you! I truly appreciate your response!

[Dolphin14 in reply to meme28]

My kids are grown now but I remember that feeling of doom. That they would grow up without me, never know who I was. Now I am a grandmother and feel the same way. The what if....

I was always afraid someone was going to kidnap my baby. Afraid I would never see them again and wonder what their life would be like.

[meme28 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes, I keep thinking that too and I know that as a mother we will worry about our children but I think this amount of worrying is unhealthy. I just wish I could clear my mind and enjoy them without the worry. It helps me to know that I’m not alone in thinking of feeling this way. I appreciate you taking the time to share! Thank you!!

[primrose81]

Please see a doctor and get some help,you are still postpartum. I suffered bad postnatal depression yet kept insisting I was fine until things blew up and I developed fullblown postnatal psychosis.Please please be careful xxx

[meme28 in reply to primrose81]

I have seen my doctor and my therapist. I’m working through it the best way I can. My baby won’t take a bottle so I’ve been strictly breastfeeding which I think has a lot to do with my anxiety being worse as well. I have acknowledged that I am not ok and I have sought out help. Thank you so much for the information, I’m hoping that it doesn’t get any worse!

[primrose81]

Good for you for seeking out the right help, it sounds as if you are in control and doing a great job breastfeeding.I wish you all the very best and will be thinking of you xxx