Mind haunting me and although I’ve been doing better lately, I still have so much to work on I wonder how to get better

[Starrlight]

It’s very difficult to not take life very seriously. But I don’t know if it does as much good as I tell myself it will. Lately I am more often than usual thinking about what might happen after this life and how I can live it better. But I can only change so much and never really feel good enough. I’m always getting my feelings hurt. I’m not sure if I’m a good person or not. I am deeply frightened about the future so I try to stay in the easier present but I can’t seem to. I beat myself up about the part and I swear I try not to but it’s as if I can’t control it. I get stuck in my head and my mind is haunting me and it’s hard to be around people. I’ll keep trying. I wish nobody knew me in a way because I would then be free free of the feeling that people are thinking bad things about me and I think I get paranoid about this... why do I even care what others may think, and really, who’s thinking about me anyway? I wish I had a smoother life. I’m exhausted. I’m making my life difficult and I will try to be kinder and more laid back but it’s hard I become so anxious depressed stressed. Just thought I’d share so that me and whoever else is out there feeling similar can be heard and think of ways to get better and move forward not feel so stuck. My psychiatrist says my biggest issue is ocd so he recommends a specialist in the field so that’s something hopeful. I think I just answered my concern, I’ll plan to work with a second therapist keep faith and just do my best. What else can we do. Blessings to us all ❤️

[Florida1959]

Hey sending loads love to, you, xxx

[Starrlight in reply to Florida1959]

😘

[XoxoFaith]

Best wishes friend ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to XoxoFaith]

Thanks so much 😊 🙏 very best to you!

[Ddorne]

Hi Starrlight, oh yes I’m feeling quite depressed and anxious. It’s too much alone time. Not working. I too have OCD, it can make for intense obsessing on fears, thoughts whatever. Go for the specialist, it can help. I did it for a while but had to stop because of money. Praying for you, pray for me please.

Liti

[Starrlight in reply to Ddorne]

Oh yes I am praying for you right now. I’m sorry you had to stop therapy. What was your therapy like? I’m sooo curious.

I may be loosing insurance so I wonder if I will be able to, well I hope we both find a way... some places have sliding scales.

[newbie1956]

Star,

We have a choice...

New Age or New World?

Fake News or Truth?

The Creator or Confucius?

Jesus or Buddha?

Apostles or Aristotle?

Just a few to examine.

Does it matter?

Yes

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

I’m happy where I am with my beliefs. Yes our choices matter.

[newbie1956 in reply to Starrlight]

Star,

We don't have to be deeply frightened about the future.

Hope you find the source of peace. As always. Agape.

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

Thank you 😊

[Hidden]

What if it rains? what if I cant cope with the housework? what if I cant help my kids ?what if

the hospital is shut? What if I think it is all my fault if I am sensitive? What if I cannot cope with the present and look to a better life in another place? What if people ,think ahead they can see loopholes and negatives, They are cautious, they double check and worry if things don't go to plan. Suppose there is value in these qualities but people seem to like a let it go attitude and if you don,t know you cant do anything about it attitude, but though people may try to keep level headed, with the best will in the world we all feel fragile and want to do the best to protect our families and ourselves. May be OCD therapy will help but with a pandemic on the doorstep it is difficult to rationalise everyday situations. At least the lock down helps to keep near our families, but it is mentally exhausting to stay positive.

You are a realist and so talented and artistic so turning to your talents, might help you relax.

give yourself a break..you are a great person, and help so many. signed "what if".

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

You are amazing. Thank you I think most do feel more fragile now a days and I think it’s good in a way because we open up our hearts and care and act on that care, that love. Writing here and posts like yours helps. I feel some sense of peacefulness. ❤️ ((((((((What if))))))))

What are your creative outlets? I have been away from some types of art for a long time. I think I’ll schedule a time when I can be alone without distraction maybe zen sketching in the grass on a hill.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

My hobbies are pastel drawings and paintings, acrylic and watercolour and needlework projects. Revived an old sewing machine to make some toys for grand daughter have made a woolly pirate, and a rag doll which has a horror story face ..not my intention!

Its some time since I chatted with you but think of you as a star in the sky sometimes dimly flickering and other times blazing brightly! Have not been too bad during the lockdown but find the lack of information annoying. I turn off the politics as it is mostly propaganda with one law for the public and another for the government.

I would not be sane without some time to myself to be creative. My" what if" this morning was "what if I have lost a bag of washing" tidied up full of socks and am losing my marbles. Ha! I found the socks and this tense moment was dispelled. By this time the washing machine was already on so had to turn off the machine and stick them in.

Have grandchildren from up north for a few days, who have not seen their cousins for a year. It is great to see them again as they are growing up so much. Know you have pets and family and a busy life, so know how frenetic it is thinking o everyone else with meals and washing, shopping and needing some time to yourself. Tried to open message from you but do you mind if I send you a private message, so I can open my box? Thanks.

WhatIF

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

You are beautiful. Your art you do sounds amazing. I would love to see it. Maybe we can exchange emails. I need to get back into art. Have fun with your grandchildren!!

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Expect you would think my work was amateur but my daughter runs a gallery in Scotland and she has many artists on her books. Am cautious about e mails but may be in time I will get over my nerves with being on the internet. Her gallery is fun to look at thejettygallery.com with great sculpture, paintings , glass and jewellery. I am trying to evolve a style which she might show in her gallery with my needlework.

It is being different which is important. What sort of art do you like doing? It is unusual and reflective? You are a creative writer as well? "What If."

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I hear ya I actually don’t usually want to exchange through emails either. I most like to use pencil, pen and ink Used to love acrylic painting. I do like to write too, just to get stuff out. I’ll check out that link now.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I really like the interesting abstract pieces

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Glad you like modern art. It's a feeling of pleasure when you think you have made something you know is good. we do it for the joy of creation and who knows one day we will have a unique collection of work , I find if my hubby does no understand what I'm trying to achieve he is critical and within hours I have repainted it into something else. Quite lie computerised art using photos cropping and editing them. .Now trying to make the best of the weather, with outdoor picnics and visits to the sea. Crowds here with lockdown, so try to keep away as far as possible. Did you here of Banksie the grafitti artist who painted some rats and put them on an underground train. The next day the rats worth a fortune were scrubbed off andpainted over with green paint.! Shame" How could the cleaner be so blind as to clean off the famous artists work?

[Kkimm]

Star, you are a good person and a great mum.

If you can get help to reframe your thinking so that you stop torturing yourself with things that are untrue that would help you alot.

Very best wishes.

Kim

[Starrlight in reply to Kkimm]

Thank you soooo! Your kind words mean a lot to me. Blessings to you.

[Starrlight in reply to Kkimm]

P.s. I’m trying to be more aware of my thinking so I can alter it to positives.... but sometimes I have to accept some of the negatives too and try to move on after.

[Hidden]

Yikes, I could've written this about myself (save for the OCD part)!!

You are a good person. Man, do I ever know about needing to have it confirmed by others though! It's awful, isn't it? I guess it goes with the territory of low self-esteem and low self worth? Thoughts on that?

You know what I told my pastor the other day? I told her that I've been busy lately getting in my own way. Although that was the first time I've used those words to describe what happens to me, I was thinking how true that really is. I get in my own way. Great way to put it, don't you think?

Kudos for answering your own concern👏 I believe that writing out our problems allows us to see them and therefore deal with them better. What do you think?

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I think low self esteem for me is from growing up so shy and how I was treated as a kid by others. And my parents didn’t seem to see me.

I get in my own way too. I sabatoge myself with self doubt and fear that I won’t be able to handle what comes up in life.

Yes writing gets it all to the surface; very helpful.

What do you think helps you the most? I think exercise helps me so much.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I think exercising about 3 times/week at my gym helps me the most. I always feel good after working out. I do spinning classes, strength classes and cardio classes. I also participate in their yoga classes. Have you ever heard of Tai chi or Yin Yoga? I also like to read, write and cross stitch. I just informed my pastor that I would like to work on the church's newsletter (ever since our meeting last week regarding my starting to volunteer, she told me to think about where I want to contribute. I informed her Saturday that I want to put my writing skills to use). I'm really excited!!

Difficult for those like us who seem to gravitate towards living anywhere but the here and now I know, but we just have to try and remember that the here and now is all that we have control over.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

True here and now is all we have. Well hey you do a lot! That’s great! I’m busy with my kids most of the time.

Heard of tai chi not yin yoga.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks! I enjoy it.

I think you'd like Yin Yoga. As opposed to regular yoga where you do a sequence of poses in a short amount of time, Yin Yoga has you take your time in each pose. My instructor a couple weeks ago had us staying in some poses for as long as 6 minutes!

If you don't mind my asking, what age are your kids? My husband and I "have" a fur-baby (I say "have" because, even though he's our dog, my parents have him because he couldn't make the move to Norway with us😪. We get pictures, though!)

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I have enough trouble staying in one minute poses! Ha oh well.

My kids are 24,12,8. All boys...

We have a dog too, an Australian Shepherd mix with maybe lab.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Wow!

[Florida1959]

Take care xxxxx

[Mrspjsmom]

I am my own worst enemy. My self defeating thoughts come so constantly I don't even notice them. I could have posted most of what you wrote. Hang in there. We will get through this. HUGS and BLESSINGS!

[Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Yes we always get through even the really tough patches don’t we!? Thanks Mrspjsmom and hugs and blessings to you too!

[Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom]

We need to self talk nicer to ourselves!!!

[Starrlight]

Omg I am struggling so badly I just can’t keep doing this.