Anxiety or extreme fear of public speaking and judgement?

I’m not sure which one I have.. so I’d like to ask you guys what you think and what I should do. because when I’m talking to classmates I’m very anxious and I’m sure they can tell but when I have to speak to multiple people I freeze and can’t hear myself talk, I stutter A LOT, and I can’t articulate my words. It’s frustrating not being able to be confident in front of my peers, and I kinda realize this is most likely why I cannot make new friends. After I spoke in class today I saw one of the girls in my group laughing (right after I talked) and I don’t know if it’s my insecurity thinking it was because something I said or she was judging how awkward and scared I was. It makes me sad that I can’t be comfortable in my own skin. My mind keeps wanting to blame my upbringing when in reality I could have worked on this but I don’t know how..

[Hidden]

You might find it helpful to distance yourself in a way from their reactions. I mean, don't pin your feelings on how the people around you react. Think, I have a job to do, I will do it regardless of any admiration or ridicule it might cause.

If necessary, you can put on mental blinders. That's what I have learned to do, although sometimes it blocks out more of my surroundings than absolutely necessary. It's become a state of mind now to ignore what other people may think about me and just carry on regardless.

It's not easy. I have a lot of empathy for your discomfort. But, the girl who laughed was probably not even thinking about you, maybe she just happened to remember an unrelated joke at that moment. You can't get inside her train of thought. Pay yourself the compliment of not allowing her to get inside YOUR train of thought.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I think steering my focus would be a great idea thank you so much @Phil! I’m not going to let her affect me even though she’s done something similar in the past I’ll never truly know what’s on her mind.. you’re right.. I will try to put on mental blinders with practice because I have along way to go with class the rest of the next two weeks and a bunch of group work with my classmates.... sigh..

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

Also what helps is practicing talking in front of a mirror or acting your presentation! Note cards too 😊

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are welcome. I wish you the best with your class. Remember however unpleasant it feels in the moment, it's a great opportunity in the long run, since whatever challenges you face will help you grow and develop skills. No pain, no gain. And who knows, group work with your classmates might lead to new friendships!

[Hidden]

I feel like I could have written this. a few years ago, I found the cause of it to be both: a fear of speaking publicly and Anxiety, the fear of being laughed at, being boring, wasting time etc. and speaking to people would cause me to shake, freeze, repeat as the anxiety increased. Unfortunately, on one presentation for uni, I had to give it for my grade and although I did well, I’ll never forget how I happened to look up and see this girl laugh and another roll her eyes during the presentation. It may not have been directed at me, but it felt like it. I remember after finishing, I had to leave the room and broke down in the bathroom.

So yes, I know how that feels. I wish I could give some tangible advice but for me it’s still a work in progress myself but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in this , so please don’t beat yourself up about it. 😊

Edited: grammar.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

It’s ok. I think your experience has helped more than advice could. I figured that it wasn’t her judging me but something inside kept telling me it was.. and it’s the last thing we want to see when we look up is negative judgement.but even if she was judging, why do I care so much? That’s something we both have to work on I guess. Thank you owliet

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

So why do you care so much? You have to get down to the root of it!

So what if someone laughs at you? What is the big deal ?

My therapist would ask me questions like that and it made me think a lot..it helps

[Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar]

Wow I think I need your therapists number 😆 haha. J/k but I’m re reading these messages before my class starts at 8am. The presentations aren’t planned the teacher constantly says “ok now everyone get into groups and in 10 minutes you guys will each discuss etc.” not looking forward to today at all. :\

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

You’ll be okay!! The day will go by fast

[GoldenMaknae97]

I know what you mean. I hate talking in front of my peers and dread giving presentations. I hate the attention and when I speak, I don't even know what Im saying, its like I'm on autopilot and my soul leaves my body or something. I think that when you put yourself on the other side, the audience, then you realize that when you watch someone speak you aren't really focused on what they are doing or how they are acting but on what they are saying, and after a while the attention is lost and people really arent paying that much attention anymore but we feel as if they are judging us the entire time. It's a mind trap.

[Hidden in reply to GoldenMaknae97]

Interesting because I never thought to compare it to myself as the audience but that is very true.. I don’t pay attention for long, I kinda zone out. Even with my professors. The best analogy I have for the way I feel is being on the edge of the pool looking down, then someone from behind me pushes me in... then I feel like I start to drown and people just are out the pool staring in at me...I feel too old to feel this scared or insecure. I’m glad you could relate because you were pretty spot on. Thank you!

[FearIsALiar]

I was like this a lot in school when I would do presentations..for me I would volunteer to go first to get it out of the way and plus people didn’t even remember if I messed up or not because I went first lol! But for me if I messed up I’d just laugh at myself! It’s okay to laugh at yourself sometimes.

[GoldenMaknae97 in reply to FearIsALiar]

yes!! I hate being last because then the entire time you're just nervous and waiting and then you gotta top it off after everyone else kinda set the bar.

[FearIsALiar in reply to GoldenMaknae97]

Same lol! I always would go first so i didn’t have time too keep overthinking about it

[Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar]

Yes! It's good to be able to laugh at yourself, and keep your sense of humor! Finding the humor in stressful situations is the best way to turn life in your favor.

[Abutterfly25]

I hated speech class in college even though the teacher kept telling me I was great at it. The good news is that most everybody feels the same way you do about speaking in front of people. Not only that, but they also have to speak to. Odds are the girl was probably not paying attention talking to someone about something else, but since you were in the spotlight it felt directed towards you. I dont know about you, but I found sppech class to be very boring and anxiety provoking. Eventually, the presentation will be over and it isn't something you need to worry about. I hope your speech goes well, and that your anxiety about this will be gone in no time! Best wishes, and happy holidays!