Severe OCD/intrusive thoughts, please help?!

[Bribee123]

Okay, so what I’m about to tell you is kind of a longish story, but bare with me. Maybe you’ll also be able to relate to it too.

So basically, I always think that there is something wrong with my brain and that it’s different from everybody else’s. I constantly feel the need to figure out if other people feel the same way I do with my anxiety and have the same anxiety thoughts as me; that in itself Is what my anxiety is made up of. I have had ocd since I was little and believe this is probably related to my ocd because of my continuous checking and trying to figure it out in my mind until I feel like it’s the right answer. This will happen multiple times a day, all day on my really bad days. Even though I’ll feel like I figured it out and everything’s fine, I still have to constantly try and figure it out in my head until it feels like the right answer every time. I continuously go through this in my head but I still have to do the same thing cuz I always doubt myself and have to keep doing it over and over in my head until I figure out what I feel is the right answer in that specific moment in time. Not only this, but I also have this obsession with this weird idea that stuck in my head ever since I graduated high school, which was like a year and a half ago. This is what the me thinking my brain is different from everybody’s else’s idea stemmed from too. This first idea I had that made me have extreme anxiety and made me go through a period of what I believe was severe ocd for over 6 months is based on the idea of me being overly self aware and conscious about my own conciousness. I know that sounds freaking crazy, but this idea just stuck with me one day, I think after reading something online, and now I can’t get it out of my head. Now based on this one idea, I have OCD symptoms where I’ll either be afraid to focus on myself and my own thoughts for no reason, even if it’s just a thought like “I want some ice cream” I’ll be overly aware of it just because of the fact that I’m scared to see and focus closely on every single thought i have. I’ll also be afraid that I’ll be able to think and focus on two things at once, and that because of this my mind isn’t like other people’s, etc. I know this might sound a bit psychotic but it’s just this idea of me being overly conscious of my own conciousness that has been bothering me, and how I get afraid of these sub ideas associated with it. On top of this, I also constantly try and figure out how the brain works in my head, how thoughts come to our mind at any given time, etc. And because I’m afraid of acting out on these ideas I have, I continuously focus on pretty much my every action, thought/feeling, almost every second of the day and I can’t take it. It’s ruining my life and my sanity and I’m scared that I’m gonna be thinking so much about it one day that my brain will just shut down or something.

It got better for a good half a year or more, but then these symptoms started up again because I’ve been on and off with my Zoloft medication lately and I can’t seem to stop thinking about this idea. I continuously have to try and figure it out and I’m always constantly worried about it and worried that I’ll keep focusing on it, which I always end up doing. I know it sounds ridiculous but for some reason I have really bad anxiety over this one thing and I don’t know what to do. My mind is constantly racing over this and I don’t know how to get over this idea/thought that I have stuck in my head.

I know that’s a lot and I’m sorry, this is my first time on here and I just really need help, i figure saying as much details about it as possible would kind of help people understand. If you don’t, its okay. I don’t expect you to.

Anyways, enough of my rant lol. How can I make it so it’s unimportant to me and ultimately forget about it so I can live in peace and stop obsessing?

And do you think this is really OCD or could it possibly be something else? Thanks.

[DragonTears]

Hi Bribee,

Thanks for sharing, I like that you are so detailed in your description and it really gave me a sense of how exhausting it all must be. I am an over-thinker as well. My mind races and analyses everything all the time. I am often second guessing myself and I am also turning every event round and round in my head to find the perfect answer and explanation. I think a lot of us on here will be able to relate and certainly not think you are crazy. Being on and off medication can be tricky too and contribute to a heightened state of anxiety, so that's probably not helping. I sometimes feel really alone too, like I am not like other people and even if this sounds so utterly arrogant, I do feel like I think more than normal people. I can get frustrated when people around me are so chill about things and don't seem to have the need or capacity to think quickly, multi-dimensionally or are just really ignorant of the world around them. it feels like my brain is on a different level of consciousness. I wish I had an answer or a quick fix for you, but I don't. All I can do is tell you what's helped me to try to make friends with my own thoughts. I think the first step for me was to accept that this is my brain. This is the way it works and it makes me unique. Some of it is beneficial, or rather, I found ways to actually make this work FOR me in certain situations. For example I realised that I am really good at supporting people in difficult and emotional situations. I am not saying I am some sort of super-councillor, but on many occasions I have found that people come to me cause I can listen to their issue and reflect many angles and different views on their situation. I never tell anyone what to do, but I get a lot of "oh I didn't think of it like that!" and people can go away having more insight into their situation and can better reason around it. I also found that doing something creative helps me. It is like letting all those thoughts pour out on paper or song or spending time in a fantasy world by reading books that take place in a very different world. I also had to let my brain do its thing sometimes. Now, this was actually the most scary part as I too was afraid of letting it go and see what happened. I found that once you dare to open that door, there was not much behind it. End of the day, it is only thoughts not actions. I think I found a little bit of peace, knowing that my thoughts did not end in actions as such. So when my brain is overwhelmed, I'll find some time and sit and let it think...almost like I would listen to my friends offload, i will let my brain offload. Maybe none of this applies to you and what you are going through, but hopefully you don't feel as alone knowing that someone else is sort of going though something similar. My brain has gradually slowed down as I got older too. I think that for every episode and every event you come across as you plod along in life, is another little piece of evidence that the fear of something was actually worse than the event itself. Every time I would put that in my mental log of experience and worried a tiny bit less next time. It's like proving to yourself that things are not as bad as your amazing over-thinking brain paints them up to be. It just takes time. I hope you can find a way of channelling some of that anxious energy and when you feel ready, let the thoughts run and watch them as they pass, look at at them and make mental notes. You can always talk to us on here and share your experiences. Maybe by turning on the light will reveal that the monster in the dark corner was just a potted plant all along Take Care!

[Bribee123 in reply to DragonTears]

Thanks so much for that, it really helps to know that I’m not alone and that people have similar thoughts that I do. I was scared that people on here would think it’s weird or make rude comments but yours was so helpful and understanding and I really appreciate it. My mind is also similar where I just try to accept my mind and let things be, but it’s just hard especially with the OCD aspect in my mind and the fact that I’m taking my medication consecutively again. I’m hoping that this is only happening because my body is getting used to my medication again and I just have to wait it out. I’m also that way where I feel like I am good at giving people advice and helping them through their problems because I as well look at different perspectives and point of views for their situation. I also liked how you said you think you’re on “a whole other level of conciousness” than other people cuz I feel the exact same way a lot of the times. Thank you so much for your input and advice, I’m going to keep trying and just accept the fact that this is the way my brain is and just let it be.

[fauxartist]

thanks for sharing, really your not ranting or over sharing, it's good to get that all out. I will say though, When I was becoming a young adult, I had lots of issues, which led to me always way over thinking everything to the point where I was anxious all the time and couldn't sleep because I was over thinking everything all the time, it never stopped. I worried about everything. Then later in years when I found out about antidepressants, and was then started on them, it seemed to block the over thinking, stopped my highs and lows from being so drastic. But it took a few different meds to find the right one that worked for me. Maybe talk to your doctor again, sounds like maybe you may need something different to help you.

[Bribee123 in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks for that I really appreciate it, that’s what I’m probably gonna do I might need a different medication, but I mean it has worked for me in the past i just haven’t been taking it as much lately so it’s kinda messing with me now lol, so I think I’m just gonna try taking it more consecutively and see if I feel any different, but If not I’m prob gonna ask my doctor to put me on a different medication.

[fauxartist in reply to Bribee123]

it seems that some meds stop working after a while, they don't know why, but it is unfortunate. The good thing is they are coming up with better meds every year. Hope your doctor can help you with that.

[Jen456]

Thanks for sharing. I have a feeling you are an extremely smart person. Usually a lot of these behaviors are a result of being extremely conscientious and high performing/achieving. It’s almost like you are too smart and aware for your own good. 😊. But if you think of it as a strength and learn to suppress when needed, I think you will find that you are feeling better. Counseling helps to give you the tools to support your over awareness and think of thoughts as clouds passing by. It might sound weird but if u know you have an excessive thought just acknowledge that you are overthinking and allow it to go by like a cloud in the sky. Another thing for me was like saying, thank you brain for that thought but I’m just going to put you in the back of the bus for right now. Our Brains are complex, and you are overly aware and that’s not a bad thing...just learn to understand yourself and you will be okay. It is part of OCD, I’m sure but just allow it to be. Our bodies and brains are all different. Seek the advantages of it and learn to cope with the negatives. I promise it will get better. Best to you!

[reinagrace]

Hi Bribee123 I can't relate exactly but on some levels i do, like, when I'm anxious i become hyper-aware of how my body is seeing or hearing, like i know the effort my eyes are making to see, and i worry i will lose vision bc what if i can't keep up the effort or something, its hard to put in words- but its this hyper-awareness of my own body processes. What does your psychiatrist say? hopefully you are also doing counseling on top of meds. Cognitive skills like mindfulness are helpful for the symptoms of being "too much in one's head", however those symptoms manifest. Mindfulness example would be, just observe everything around you, count objects, look at the leaves on trees, notice how many red things there are in the room, or what kind of cars are driving around you. if i'm in public somewhere i study people, what they're wearing, pretend i'm a detective who has to solve a crime or a witness that the police will question and i have to describe the crime scene so i try to notice all the details. Also smell, feel, any sense- to observe what's around- this all helps to get outside of your own head. Exercise helps also, working up a sweat- focusing on the physical can help ease the obsessive thoughts. i play games online like scrabble, or in real life with friends or church group i go to game night, as i find playing games is a great way to channel the mental energy/analyzing tendencies . I pray you feel better.

[Bribee123 in reply to reinagrace]

Thank you for all that advice, that is really helpful and I’m really going to try doing that and see if it helps. I’ll let you know how it goes.

[Foreverbe]

question? i need to ask but i hope this ides doesnt stick with you or whatever but did you ever think that over thinking these thoughts might cause it to become whatever it is your always thinking of? meaning our words become thoughts and our thoughts become reality. I do understand what your saying i too am kinda the same. however i would think something was always wrong with a bodily function with myself. I stopped when i got scared i was gonna create it.

[Hidden]

i really want you to read my situation as well because I feel like I am going through a similar thing.. you might find comfort in that.