Panic Day

[Bird_in_Hand]

I've always been afraid to be like an abusive ex I had. And of course, in trying to be the opposite I've found myself feeling so similar. My current partner who I've been with for a few years recently had a talk with me about how she can't be my caretaker, about how I need to grow up, about how I need to be more responsible and take care of myself. About how she needs to put herself first. And I get it. It's all stuff I've been telling her along the way. She needs to have her own mental health as a priority, have some more faith in me and letting me fail, and taking some time for herself to follow her hobbies. And now that she's finally finding that out for herself and telling me off, I feel so alone. She's been my main support, and now i feel like I can't even talk to her. I'm sitting here weeping because I can't get myself to get a damn haircut feeling pathetic wishing I could just pull it the fuck together already... nobody wants anyone like this. She's sick of it and with good reason. She could have better. I could be better. Yet here I am, sitting alone, sulking and crying, feeling like a sack of shit with nowhere to turn and no motivation.

1mg lorazapam deep, 50 mg hydroxyzine, medical cannabis to follow.

[Hidden]

You wanting support doesn’t make you abusive. I understand what it’s like to really struggle with doing small things for yourself. It’s so hard.

Do you suffer from a panic disorder? I’m crying right now, too lol

[Bird_in_Hand in reply to Hidden]

I just do a lot of overthinking. Could I subconsciously have done this on purpose? Did I latch onto my partner like a parasite? Could I have done more to be a healthier person? Does not doing more mean I wanted this? I mean... I know it's not relevant to really get into all that, but it's just where my mind goes.

I've been back and forth with diagnosis on actual panic disorder, at the moment I think no. But I do have moments of extreme anxiety and depression.

Thanks for the support, I appreciate it. I'm sorry that you're crying rn too I know it's not easy. Take some deep breaths and I will too

[Hidden in reply to Bird_in_Hand]

I overthink, too. Do you live with your partner?

I feel you. I definitely had a panic disorder but I don’t think I do anymore. Like you, my boyfriend is my biggest supporter and every time I get sooo so anxious, I’m just more scared I sound like a leech, or something. It’s not in my nature to really lean on people too much so lately, it’s been hard.

Deep breaths. Let’s meditate. I hope you feel better soon

[Bird_in_Hand in reply to Hidden]

That sounds great, thanks for the idea. Meditation and yoga for me 🕉 I'll start there and see where it goes

[Hidden]

We all learn from past relationships and sometimes, that period in our life colours our future Partnerships

If we are Depressed and Anxious that can be an eventual turn-off for those who become sensitized to our actions what looks like disinterest in our life chores, we can become slovenly and possibly lazy.

I suppose She is becoming a little bit jaded and looks like She may eventually move on, as She cannot see a future for this relationship, and so she is pushing you along to make you understand Her Needs.

Keep a hold and be attentive to her needs and expectations. it is awkward I know.

BOB