Sorry if I'm complaining AGAIN but need to get this out. Ran out of cbd oil and really really feeling extremely depressed. Don't want to live anymore. I'm sick and tired of my damn mothers shit!! Always making me feel like a second class piece of s..t. As I was dealing with serious clinical depression I told her crying years ago I just wanted to die. I tried to get her to understand it but oh he'll no its easier for her to just call me an asshole. Back then I was drinking heavily so I deserved it. She's also told me to just kill myself while I was crying and wanted to die. I'm sure your maybe thinking I'm crazy and full of lies but this is how she actually treats me. Its like how could a mother be so mean? I so wish I wasn't telling y'all the truth but I feel so low about myself cause this is what she's actually said to me! I'm telling the truth about yes I was a horrible drunk for 25 years but depression isn't a choice!! Now sober she's treated me worse than when drinking! Wtf?? I'm doing my best to stay away from her. When alone I feel much better! I won't bitch about her anymore it just hurts extremely bad when she does these things! Just trying to get thru a few days without the cbd oil. I'm scared to death cause I signed up to do an adoption event for PAWS. Totally terrified ill screw it all up!! Anyways I really hope everyone's doing great! God bless you all☺😊
Deeply depressed😭: Sorry if I'm... - Anxiety and Depre...
Deeply depressed😭
Well your mother is quite the bitch! Stay strong those dogs are counting on you😘
Thank you for being understanding. Other cold hearted statements she said is when being raped during my drunkenness is that well you deserved it. Drinking gives assholes the right to rape! Unbelievable!! I wish she could understand just a tiny bit how shitty that felt. I'm trying my best to go to that event Saturday. I am there for the dogs but its ppl I'm so afraid of😱😱 I'm just taking it by the minute right now! Thanks for replying😄😄
Listen up girlie, your mother has serious issues to treat her own daughter like that! You are the good kind hearted one remember that. Dont let her do this to you. Maybe you can get all that shit off your shoulders and put it on her shoulders. What i mean is call her out on it. Tell all her uppity friends how she really is. Is that at all possible? I know it would be stressful for you but in the long run it mite be good for you. By the way your pic was beautiful of the mountains.
Funny you say that cause I do all the time try to talk to her. All she can come up with is to call me names and just tell me to fuck off! Her words when I hit her with the truth she absolutely denies that she acts like that! I hope to just tell myself she's the screwed up one like u said. I so appreciate your kind words. The problem is that she tells ppl to be nice to me. She just admitted to doing it while at my brothers. Unbelievable. So damn controlling. I'm humiliated by her and everybody just thinks she an angel. I can't win. I have to learn to not talk to her. Hard but it would be easier to just separate from her. Thanks so much again. Hope you have a really great night!!
I know how awful it is to have a controlling person in your life. Mine is my mother in law. Been married for 36 yrs. It still angers me when i think of all the things she would do to manipulate me when i was younger and not realize it cuz i was too naive. But im also mad at myself for letting her do it and not standing up for myself
No disrespect but your mom sounds like a piece of work
Sometimes she really is! I just talked to her again about shit she said and called me on the drive back from ND. She said I never said that! She loudly called me delusional! Unbelievable!! Still lying. This is a new name she's calling me. I said real nice, no Dr ever said I was delusional but hey my mom thinks she's a Dr now!! LMAO. I was shaking so bad speaking so loud to her yesterday!!! I said ya know what y'all can call me everything in the book cause I really don't give a shit anymore!😄😄 Too old to care ya know! Excuse my language I've got to work on my truckers mouth. Its way worse than the few words I said. I apologize cause swearing is awful!! Hope your having a super awesome Saturday😄😄
Don’t worry your mouth is fine. I totally understand in my opinion and take it for what it’s worth I really think that you should have no contact with her you’re trying to get well and take care of any issues you have and all she’s doing is making it worse if I was you I would cut off everything until you’re feeling really good I can deal with her maybe if you cut it off with her she’ll wake up and realize what she has Done there’s no reason why a parent isn’t supportive to their child
What do you did or didn’t you learn your pass should be no concern to someone in the unconditionally love you sometimes parents Canby your worst enemy look at the case of Marvin Gaye his father shot him
what a parent huhYou just have to stay strong and turn off she might eventually come around and maybe you guys could have a good relationship but for now I would say no
Marvin Gaye was shot by his own dad??? 😱😱😱 Didn't know that!! OMG. I'm a pain in my moms ass since before I can remember!!😄 I take her shit and she deals with mine! I'm learning very quickly that I will never speak honestly with her ever AGAIN that's for sure. I have to learn right now that being a liar works and always being brutally honest screws me every time!! Its soooo messed up cause I have an extremely hard time lying to ANYONE. I hate liars and having to become one makes me sick!! But if lying keeps the peace then its time to try lying. I'm always being told to lie stop telling the truth!!😱😱 Now I feel like shit!!! But as far as her and I getting along.....we're just oil and water. I guess no ones at fault. We just don't understand each other. I told her we both have stuff to work on so that's what we're trying to do at the moment!!! Thanks for being so nice, caring and supportive techguy😄😄 Hope your having a great Saturday☺☺
Yes it was the father back in 1984
Just goes to show how parents can be
And if it takes lying to keep the peace, then do it
It sounds to me that your a good person and you shouldn’t take all that negativity in your life
I really recommend that you find a good acupuncturist Give it 5-10 sessions, hopefully it gets rid of your depression as it did mine and live a happy life
I was missable and now I am happy
Remember, if you keep doing what your doing you will keep getting what your getting
Make a change ASAP for your sanity
I think you deserve a good life
I'm sorry your going through this. I'm glad your letting it out and not keeping it in. Hugs to you! Your gonna do great at the paws event!! Keep telling yourself its gonna work out great!! Deep breaths!
Once I get the cbd oil it will take the depression and anxiety mostly away. I'm saving the itty bitty I have left so I can take it on Saturday!! Thanks for your understanding and kindness Michael. I hope you have a great night. Get some good rest. Lots of hugs back to you😄
I understand saving it for saturday! I would do the same. I hope you feel better soon. Thank you for the hugs. There always needed 
Hope you can get some good rest as well.
Hugs today! I hope you have a better day today!!
A...your such a dear Michael😄😄 You know I'm giving you a Humungous hugzzz!! 😄😄 Cause when I hug somebody in person they ALWAYS say don't break my back!!! I can't help it. Umm I do feel better cause I used .5 of my little oil left. Put me to sleep. Got the rest for tomorrow!!# thanks for caring💝 You really are a sweet soul☺😊
Thank you! So are you!! I could surely use a humungous hug right now!🤗😊I'm glad you got the rest you needed!!
Feel it.....Hugz coming your way.....some from the dogs too😄🐶🐾 Have an awesome day!!!!
I feel it! Thank you so much to you and the doggies!! I'm gonna try to! You as well!! 🌞🙏
Hey before you go, can we be friends and stay in contact? Would love to know how your doing!!! Have a blessed day☺
Complain all you want its not good to hold it in
Thank you😄😄
I'm so sorry your mother treats you this way. I'm sure it's a complicated story - within families it usually is. The important thing is that you're off the booze, drugs, etc., and you stay off them. This animal shelter volunteering is exactly what you need, and I hope you stay with it.
Oh yea sober for life!! Yea I don't want to lie and say oh yea I was an angel. I was an Absolutely angry alcoholic. I used to be an asshole! But now she treats me worse. Like you said very complicated. The animals are a great way to feel accepted and loved unconditionally💝🐶🐾 Love making them happy too💝
That's great! Not many people get to do what they truly love in life, but it looks like you have that chance!
You are a loving lovable person and deserve to be treated with respect. Is there any way you can get away from your mom? I am here for you. I hope it helps sharing here. I can just picture you doing such a great job with the dogs! ❤️ love you
Loves and hugs to you my beautiful friend☺ I just wrote a huge reply but it wouldn't post and got erased. Ill keep it short. I'm praying we get lots of great quality homes for some of the dogs tomorrow!!! Please pray for our boy Bently!! He's been at the shelter for months😞 Oh I'm staying away from my mom much more! Oh heck yes!!! Lol.
Oh real quick.....are y'all going to be affected by strong winds or a lot of rain due to hurricane Florence??
So far today I read it’s hitting the southeastern section of North Carolina but not sure of any details or what it will continue to do.
Ok I think they said it will eventually rotate downward so I think you'll be ok!!
I will be saying prayers for the people who it won’t be okay for.
Oh I am saying prayers for sure!!! Really worried about all the animals getting out safely too!!!
Oh yes I hope everyone takes care of the animals the same way they’d take care of a person.
Our PAWS shelter mentioned taking a road trip to save some of the dogs💝💝🐶🐾 How awesome that would be. PAWS is such a small shelter so not sure they could handle taking in dogs. We have a full house right now💝
If I worked there it would break my heart as I know it does yours not being able to take in more dogs. It would be great if other organizations would get together to find more space and food for them all.
You know I think I’d like to be a part of helping the dogs some day.
Like you said it tears my ❤ out seeing them there. All get adopted sooner or later but PAWS really takes good care of them. I just saw in an article about PAWS that it costs $8,000 a month for spaying and neutering. $6,000 a month on medications etc for the dogs!!! I'm like how do they afford this every month? Oh and our boy Bently has a Humungous recliner in his cage. He's SPOILED!!! Lol😄😄😄
🤣 I think I like spoiled Bentley!!! He’s got a recliner? That’s too funny!
Yea me too. Poor dog he's extremely high energy cause of being a young pup still and border collie! I think he's been at the shelter for months😥 He's such a cool dog but I think he freaks ppl out cause of his high energy! Lol. His recliner is so perfect for him. He so deserves it. Bless his big ❤
I will pray that Bentley gets a good home soon.
Oh me too. Praying for him all day long🙏🙏🙏 Thanks for caring about him. He really is a sweet boy!!!
Hi just to let you know I suffered from deep clinical depression for 18 years on and off it was suggested to me not too long go to try acupuncture to open up channels and illuminate depression I’m happy to say that after five sessions it worked and I feel exactly like my old self again it might work for you as well it’s worth a try as far as your mom I won’t let her get you know listen to her and her rantings this woman doesn’t define you and just because you drink you don’t deserve this I think she’s the one that has the problem when a little trick to try his whenever she said some negative just say you’re right people don’t know how to come back from that when you tell them they’re right they usually shut down because you’re not arguing with them Don’t let her define you Hope this helps FYI if you do go to an acupuncturist make sure before you go that’s the one you choose has had success with dealing with people that have depression and anxiety
Awesome techguy I'm so happy to hear it worked for you so well. I'm going to do neurofeedback. Its what my Dr suggested I do. I guess it works wonders for a lot of things. My mom and I are working on things I guess. I saw her briefly today and she was pretty loving today. I really enjoyed the short time I did see her. Ill take your advice for sure☺☺ Thanks for being so kind! Hope your doing great techguy😄😄
How others treat us...is their sad issue. Focus on your healing and set boundaries...stop yearning for the 'approval' or 'love' of someone who is twisted...sometimes this is a parent. Grieve the tragedy of a motherless child, the loss and pain you have endured. Then after honoring the Truth in yourself, seek support from your Higher Power and healthy, healing friends. It is work, but our job : ) and it is worth it because our lives are precious gifts regardless of what our parents think : ) my mother did same to me...today, 10 years later, she is choosing the more difficult path of HONESTY and HOPE...so thankful! Lots of prayer & tears...boundaries and letting the fear of rejection' take a flying leap! When parents have nothing to give (for whatever reason) they project their shame & anger onto/into their children...a tragic cycle we must break off with help & healing from (for me, Father God & Jesus my Righteousness) our source of eternal strength. Good Success with finding Courage to heal...
Thanks sooo much for the message!!! Ill most definitely take your advice. Today we got along for a bit so I was surprised! We're both working on stuff. I will try and put what you said into action. Hugs and have a really blessed day😄😄
Hello lovedogs,
Hope your having a better day today and an awesome saturday at PAWS
Omg thank you!!! Had a great day but been scared shitless about going tomorrow!!!😱😱😱😱 Trying to say ill be fine but do not believe it. How was your day???
My day was ok. Believe youll be fine tomorrow and you will be. Positivity!
I'm so happy your day was ok. Thanks a bunch for the encouraging words😄 Just going to play it a second at a time! All I can do! Hope you have a great night. Thank you kindly for being supportive😀🐾🐶
I also ran out of cbd about two weeks ago and my mental state has been suffering. I'm sorry about your mom. That sounds really rough. But you're stronger than that! Good luck with the pups!
Awesome thank you😄😄 Did you get the cbd oil yet?? As soon as I run out I'm completely suicidal and so depressed I cannot help but feel hopeless beyond belief!! How does it make you feel without cbd helping? Its such a great thing that cbd helps so much more than any pill I've ever taken. As far as my mom goes we're both working on our faults!! We're both to blame!!! Hope God will get me thru it tomorrow😄😄
I’ve taken Cbd oil and it didn’t help me. Glad it works for you. I’ve also tried hemp oil which can help unless I take too much.
I notice that taking to much cbd oil makes me sleepy and notice it doesn't do any good by taking more! Darn it😄😄 Never tried hemp oil but I have a syringe of cbd with some thc in it but I feel better just,using the select cbd. Hope the hemp oil keeps working for you☺☺
Thanks. Yeah I hope so. 💕
I haven’t gotten more and it’s honestly the worst. The CBD oil helped sooooo much! I started feeling like life was manageable again!
But now I’m just feeling anxiety and numbness almost constantly. So I’m hoping I’ll be able to go into a dispensary soon to get back on the cbd.
It really is such an amazing option for people with all sorts of illnesses I love informing others about it so when I saw “CBD” in your post, I got excited haha 😅
And I feel you and your mom. My mom and I are going through our own things as well. Just got to maintain that positivity!
Have fun tomorrow! You’re going to do great!! ❤️
Good morning!! Hope your having an awesome Saturday so far. Gosh I really hope you get some cbd soon. Which kind do you use? I just love select cbd oil lavender tincture!!! Really gooood stuff☺ Lol I get happy too when I see others get so much relief from using it. It truly is amazing stuff. Better than any antidepressant or anti anxiety pill out there! Yes maintain positivity with our mothers!!!😄 I'm beyond bummed today cause I had no sleep last night so had to stay home cause no sleep causes my seizures!!😱😱 I couldn't help but cancel but scared I'd fall down in front of everyone start shaking etc. Or accidently lose or let a dog go cause of a seizure!! Couldn't risk it😭
((((((((Hug))))))))) love ya hope you get sleep soon 😴
Hugzzzz!! Love ya awesome friend💝😄 I'm so beyond devastated about having to stay home. The PAWS dog thread said a few minutes ago that our 2 Chihuahua puppies got adopted!!!🐶💝🐾 how ya doing today???
That is such good news about the adoptions!!! I’m irritable and anxious so I’m trying the cbd oil right now even though it didn’t used to help, just to see if by chance it may work, if not I’ll take a little hemp oil.
How are you doing right now?
GIRL I AM FEELING THIS TOO AND ITS TIME TO CAME OUT OF THIS TO TAKE CARE EACH OTHER OK PLZ HELP ME I WILL HELP U
OK MAM PLZ TAKE CARE OF U AND ME
Hi first ,what is cbd oil?
Never heard of cbd oil??? Ummm all I know is that it works wonders for soooo many ailments like anxiety and depression. I'm unable to tell you correctly what cbd is exactly. Sorry but don't want you to get misinformed. I'd say look up cbd oil and see why its so beneficial for so many ppl.
Thank you ,I looked it up on cbd oils ,interesting . I'll think about it .
Yes miss my mom, I thought moms were invisible when I was growing up . She never got sick or complained about her life . Only little stories ,like what if ? Just stories .
I don't know how she did it ,but she had to raise 5 of us ,I was the 4th .
My dad wasn't around much ,good man ,but a alcohol, he tried ,but lost the battle ,he past too !!
I saw something I never saw in my mom ,she broke down when he past !! Wow all this time I thought she hated him . Wow again !!
Wow she sounds like my mom. Never complains about anything, only positivity, etc...So sorry about losing your dad too. 5 kids WOW!! Yea your mom must of been an angel parenting 5 kids!!! Pretty cool tho!!😄😄 I only have one brother. Family is complicated for me. My dad was also an alcoholic!! I was too. I think the cigarettes with excessive alcohol killed my dad. Never knew to much about him. I have a very cool stepdad. Thankfully. I can't write anymore due to a few dog bites on my hands. Its killing me. Ummm have a beautiful and blessed day hun!!!😄😄😄
Oh about moms , we use to disagree on everything when I was growing up ! Later in years,as I was on my own n a mother ,we became best friends . Living together was a No No for us . She's gone now and I wish we didn't fight ,or whatever ! I understand now n have no gulit, she was just being a mom . It doesn't come with a how to be a good parent. We learn as we go . I have a grow up girl ,and a grown up son . Their on their own . And I must say ..Thanks goodness no drugs or alcohol,both . Hey I made mistakes ,can't change ,but thats life !! Hugs everyone!
Sorry you lost your mom! Yea I can't live with my mom. No way!! My mother and I are oil and water!!!😡 If I distance myself a little bit it does help. I am afraid if I lost her, I definitely don't want to look back and say to myself why did you waste time on stupid stuff!!! You mentioned thank God your kids weren't a drunk or addict. Well I was an alcoholic addict and I have changed my life around. 7 years sober! I don't believe being an addict or alcoholic makes you a horrible person. Not sure you do but it sounds like you would of been pretty upset if your kids turned out that way!! I'm glad they didn't have to suffer that life of Hell either. But like you said some of us make stupid mistakes and can't change them. Change your life for the good and forget the past. Future and the now is all we have! Iv e never had kids thankfully!!!! I couldn't of handled it. Passing on illnesses would of not been fair to them. Feel relieved that I never had kids. But I'm rambling and I'm so sorry. Lmao. I do that way to much😄😄😄 hugs all. Have a great rest of the day☺☺☺☺
No problem, i ramble too .
Yes I miss my mom ,wish we would had gotten along when I was growing up . But she was going through stuff n I was too young at the time to understand . I now sit back n remember good,n funny stuff me & my mom did ,or What she did lol ,now telling my grandsons some of them fun memories. And how she would have loved them n they would have adored her . She was special, is cause the memory goes on ...
Wow she sounds like a really fun lady!!! Sharing great memories of her with your grandkids is great!! ❤ I'm truly sorry you lost her. I've got things I need to change about getting along with my mom. Cause someday she won't be here either and ill definitely wish things would of been better. Ill definitely work on a lot of stuff cause she said she would too. My main problem with her is her constant lying by omission! Drives me insane!!!😱😱😱 All I want from her is one true statement but oh Hell no. She lies about stupid shit!! And she sounds so stupid! Lol. Anyhoo, we both have our issues like all families do! Keep enjoying those amazing stories of how wonderful your beautiful mother was and still is!!!☺☺😊😊
My kids are my world and they have my heart but sometimes I feel bad about possibly having my illness be passed onto them, like you say. I just pray they will be okay and do my very best in raising them.
I wouldn't worry Starr!!! They are such happy great kids. I didn't mean that towards anybody I just meant I didn't want to pass on everything I have wrong with me! I'm sorry I didn't mean anything horrible!!! I'm such an idiot. I'm truly sorry!!! I didn't want to pass on alcoholism, depression, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar etc. I remember crying to my mom saying why did you give me all this??? All I want is to die!!! I have all my dads illnesses. That's all I meant. It was just so miserable growing up!!😭😭😭
Oh I know sweet Kacey I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. You’ve done nothing wrong. I totally understand where you are coming from. I’m sorry you had it rough so did I and still do... love you my friend.
No worries 😄😄 Your to awesome Starr. I just didn't realize I could of meant something bad like that. I'm not upset I just know I always screw up stuff. I am an idiot!!! Just the TRUTH!!😄😄😄 LOL. Yea like you said even today its pretty hard to deal with all this! I still would rather end life than keep suffering everyday! Sorry to say but again just speaking honestly.
I don’t think you are an idiot. I understand, it’s good to be honest. I love who you are! I hate that u r suffering. Honestly I am having trouble wanting to be alive too. But something keeps us going.
Are you having a down day too? At least you've got a family who loves you to pieces!! I've got 4 walls that are closing in on me. I just want to close my eyes and sleep and never wake up again. It sounds peaceful😊 Anyhoo I can think of lots of reasons you need to be here. Your sweet and super caring about everyone, adore you kiddos as they adore you, husband who loves you, etc etc!!!!
Ignore me!!! I'm done complaining. I don't care about it anymore!!! Lol. I am pissed cause my Denver Broncos team is losing tho!!!😭😭😭 I'm going to sleep as soon as I can. Can't wait to fall asleep. Just tired of today!! Tomorrow will be better I hope!!!
Yeah sleep does sound peaceful. We get to go to another place almost like dying and then try out real life again when we wake. I do hope tomorrow is better for you. ((((((Hug))))))
Amen to that sista Starrlight😄😄 I couldn't of said it any better! Hope its good too for both of us! Hugs and loves ya my friend☺ Your really the sweetest person ever!! Have a really great night with your precious family. Hugs to you all🙏☺😊
Aww hope you have a great night. Thank you for being you. I just love who you are. Happy dreaming to ya!
You can complain. That’s what we’re here for. Sorry to hear about the Broncos. My team tied and it’s so frustrating!!!! But my college team is 0-2. An all time low since 1957. And I’m not upset. DM me if you want to. 😉😉
Hi love dogs, I hope you are feeling better by now! I have found that everyone has baggage even your mom. When I was 18, I was a skinny girl, like surfboard skinny. I was going out with my friends and I thought I looked cute. My mom said I had fat thighs. I thought wtf? It hurt but my mom struggled with weight all her life. Then I told her I wanted to see a therapist and she screamed at me but I never told her and have been going to a therapist for years. After my mom passed last year I found in her papers from the divorce of my dad there was a letter from the court suggesting she see a therapist. So it made sense but it’s no excuse for her behavior. I actually feel bad for her cuz she couldn’t past her demons.
My son told me last night to call the person out on their bull sh*t. Talking about my hubby. But just have a chat with your mom, after you get your oil, and ask her why she treats you like this.
And you don’t deserve to be treated this way. So have a “gentle” talk. And if she calls you names, call her out on it. Once it escalates then walk away from her. And write out your conversation out ahead of time, do that. I hope this helps and so sorry you’re going through this. Sending you hugs. 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
Dee
Omg so sorry you had similar struggles with your mom. Yea got the oil feeling lots better. I'd write more but when volunteering with the dogs I got bit pretty good on the hands. So it hurts like Hell to type. Hope I can write cha in a little while. Hope that's ok ??? Hugs thanks for sharing your story!!! Ill get back to ya I promise!!!
No problem! I’m going to nap for a bit. I like to share my story cuz you’re not alone. My mom was jealous of me because she was always chubby. Now I’m chubby!! Lol
Talk to you later. 😉😉😉🌸🌸🌸
Dee
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