Ever since perhaps april, i didnt have any constant anxiety , i feel closer to normal, i feel calm and barely anxious most of the time , i felt very calm this past month , i did get a couple anxiety attacks when i had exams in early may , but it would last for a day or two then i get back to normal , started to realize i cant panic except if there is a reason, funny how this realization made me calm because i would panic constantly for no reason , and i just looked at myself thinking, all what i thought is irrational, and i just caused myself unnecessary panic over things im not in control of, ofcourse though this is not alone what helped me calm , i did find coping methods like meditation and breathing techniques, i found ways to lower my blood pressure and pulse , so even when i feel anxious im not worrying about my health as much which was the main cause of my fears , i feel stronger mentally which helps me keep going, i learned about claire weekes acceptance method and it truly helped knowing anxiety and fear wont kill me, and i can face it and accept it until it becomes part of me , it became normal for me to worry and not trying to fight it , knowing its a normal human reaction to things that can be scary to anyone , maybe im oversensitive at the time but im allowed to be because i have a mental condition , i stopped blaming myself and telling myself im worthless and stupid for feeling weak and scared , im not afraid of things i used to , i feel more normal than ever , i like to consider the past few months of panic attacks and fear that i can even imagine again , i survived that , all the sleepless night, the crazy thoughts , the thoughhts of me dying of panic and high bp and pulse, not having support, being alone, not knowing if i will ever escape it , knowing that every obstaclee i faced ended getting better eventualky also makes me feel ktivates , that regardless whatever i face it will suck but it always gets better
Setbacks are inevitable , and i know i always face anxiety at times , its nit gonna stop magically , but im improving mentally and physically , my magical thinking and superstitions are getting beter , my fears are not as severe, im sleeping and eating better , im less scared of things i used to fear ..and im not scared of the world as much , and not as scared of the future , we shall see ,my only fear is my exam results coming up in a couple months , i will probabiy panic for nomreason knowing i did ok , but i guess we will wait and see
xx
