My life in a nutshell.

[LostFairy]

I am 48 years old. I struggle with depression, ptsd, and anxiety along with being a full time caregiver of someone in the late stages of Alzheimer's. I have been struggling so much more lately because my family really can't relate to the way I have to put my own personal struggles aside to care for them. It has become so common place that they just now expect this and it has begun to overwhelm me and cause me to have major breakdowns. Twenty years ago, I lost my father to suicide and two years ago I lost my only daughter at age 20 years old to suicide as well. The demands on me are so severe that my depression and anxiety have been heightened to extreme amounts lately. To my family, when I explain this, these are just complaints, so I joined this group in the hopes of finding people with similar struggles that can relate to my feelings and not just dismiss them in order to keep me doing what I do best, which is care for them. If anyone can relate, I would so appreciate any input on how to try to cope with these struggles. I went to therapy in the past, but that is not an option for me now because I can't leave my home do to the 24/7 care my family member needs with her Alzheimer's. Thank you so much.

[Hidden]

I went through a partial hospitalization program 2 months ago and was surprised by the high number of caregivers who were patients. As someone who has done that sort of work,off and on for 20 years, I can attest to how emotionally exhausting it can be. It can also be very isolating when your around the clock. Almost like prison.

I think this site will help you vent and find empathy.

I wish you the best.

Do not give up hope.

[LostFairy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much! I appreciate you response. I don't plan on giving up, just wish my family could truly understand what I go through on a daily basis. But hopefully kind people like yourself will give me the support I need and in turn I can repay the support and soon look upon this community as an extended family. Good luck to you as well and feel free to reach out to me anytime.

[cortisolqueen in reply to LostFairy]

I have found that the only people who can truly understand what we go through is someone who has suffered also. Before my journey with anxiety and panic disorder I am sure I wouldn't have understood either. I am so sorry that you have been through all you have been through. That would be enough to destroy anyone. You have proven that you are a strong person to still be standing and fighting to get better. I really admire your strength. I have been caring for my dad since my mom died 13 years ago. This past March, I lost an uncle who I had cared for. Caregiving can run you down very quickly. Dad has dementia so I understand how hard that is. We look at them and realize that will be us one day and then we go further into anxiety and depression. Please know you are not alone! I will keep you in my prayers. You are so strong and you can get better! We are all here for you.

[LostFairy in reply to cortisolqueen]

Thank you so much. I'm so sorry about your uncle. I take care of one person with alheimers, I can't imagine trying to care for two people at the same time. You are very strong and inspirational to me. I appreciate you sharing your story because it encourages me to keep the strength to survive all of this.

[cortisolqueen in reply to LostFairy]

I have not been through anything compared to you. You are a real trooper. I am amazed at your strength. I know you can do this and I believe we will both come out the other side even stronger than we were before.

[LostFairy in reply to cortisolqueen]

I agree we will come out of it stronger. Thank you

[cortisolqueen in reply to LostFairy]

Also, I have found some helpful videos on you tube. youtube.com/watch?v=pMltf2r...(Not working as expected?)

[Keepmoving71]

My therapist comes to me... look into that.... im sorry for your pain...

[LostFairy in reply to Keepmoving71]

Thank you, that is great advice. I will look into what my insurance offers on that.

[Dolphin14]

Wow your plate is full. You mention other family? Can't they help you in anyway? You have got to have some time to yourself or you will burn yourself out.

Any caregiver support groups in your area? Maybe make contact and see if they can connect you with other care givers? Mayb others have formed small groups on their own for the same reason? Mayb they can't get away but take time to talk or something?

Love the idea of home therapist I've never heard of that.

Wishing you the best of luck.

[LostFairy in reply to Dolphin14]

My family only helps so much. Honestly, they've just kinda gotten use to me taking care of them too. Today is a great example, they this is gonna come across as me complaining and well I am. Lol. I have the flu and when I was finally able to get out of bed at 3pm, my husband hadn't eaten because I hadn't fixed food, my 18 year old forgot about his laundry, so I had to make him rewash it, and now my mother in law (the one with alzheimers) is awake so i have to tend to her, and my family just don't get why I'm moody, go figure. Lol

[Kkimm]

Hi LostFairy

My heart goes out to you for the devastating bereavements you have been through and the huge caregiving responsibility you have.

All your losses have been great but to have lost an only daughter through suicide in particular must be one of the worst challenges to anyone's life and mental health. It is not at all surprising that you suffer from depression, PTSD and anxiety.

Anything I try to say to offer comfort feels completely inadequate.

Those who have suffered similar problems as yourself may be more of help.

Have you tried to get in touch with self help groups for parents who have lost a child or lost a parent through suicide and for carers of those suffering from dementia?

My mother suffered from dementia before she died and it was so sad to see what she went through. I tried to help her in various ways but did not have the responsibility of caring for her as she was in a care home. I did spend alot of quality time with her however towards the end.

I suffer from GAD and depression so do feel able to identify with some of what you are going through.

I would be very happy for you to message me or post anytime you feel it would be of help and I will answer as soon as I can.

I have found this website very helpful with others offering helpful and caring responses.

My very best wishes.

Kim

[LostFairy in reply to Kkimm]

Thank you Kkimm, your words mean a lot. I always try to stay positive, but with mothers day just passing, I've been on a steady decline emotionally. I did belong to a support group for loved ones that committed suicide, but life got in the way of my being able to continue attending the meetings. I am still looking for online support groups for that particular subject. Thank you for your well wishes.

[Sunnidayz1]

It sounds like you are a very giving, selfless person. I am too. I take care of everyone else except myself. It is very sad bc I could look better and feel better and I dont. I am sure taking care of someone w last stages of alzheimers is exhausting on your body and mind.

When was the last time you did something for yourself? You had to think about that one, right? Yes, me too. I never do. If we dont take care ourselves first we will burn out. As far as people taking advantage of your selfless ways, boundaries need to be created. You need to protect yourself bc the reality is just like there are people who are selfless in this world like you and I, there are people in this world who are completely selfish & "take" whenever they can.

XxSunni

[LostFairy in reply to Sunnidayz1]

I agree. I try to make boundaries, but as you probably have experienced as well those boundaries stay in place for so long then they are pushed out of the way and all it takes is one overly exhausted moment on my part and let the boundary go one time and they think its gone forever.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to LostFairy]

Ok I understand what you are saying. In that case, start with small boundaries. Like for example, try saying " No" to people. It's common for selfless people to say yes to everything. I would start there for now and then build from there.

Ive had to create many boundaries and they have stayed in place. I was once a pushover and a carpet for people to step on. Not anymore!

Start small.

[LostFairy in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Thank you, I have. This weekend I was completely sick and well lost my patience a bit. Not bad but enough to make my husband and son realize they are men and need to act like it.

[Hidden in reply to LostFairy]

Hi lostfairy,

I hope you are feeling better and are getting a little break this holiday

[LostFairy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you gn, I am a bit better and got a break to rest, so that's good. Hope you had a great holiday weekend too! 🙂

[Hidden in reply to LostFairy]

That's good to hear.

Mostly, my weekend was really good. I am now spending some quality time with my hot water bottle after trying to move a sofa sleeper.

Have a good evening!

[LostFairy in reply to Hidden]

Ouch, those things are heavy. Rest well!

[foxglove_pnw]

I am sorry about everything you went through ! I can’t even imagine !

Caring for others can be exhausting !

Take care of yourself ! I am so glad you found this group ! ❤️

[LostFairy in reply to foxglove_pnw]

Thank you. I am glad I found it too.

[kenaston]

I will be 46 soon and suffer similar in mental health conditions. Often in intense circumstances, like yours, there needs to be a break in the chain of demand for others to wake and hear the call to responsibility and accountability. I presume you need a sense of hope that things will change for the better soon. Is there government support for help with your Alzheimer's patient that may free up your schedule for some much deserved "you" time? I have proved 30 minutes of moderate exercise can do amazing things for my mood and perception of life itself. What if you insisted on a daily break to care for your needs in view of continuing your care? It may be that a paid individual comes to care for your patient while you take some well deserved time to care for you. My motto, as mother of 4, You only care for others as well as you are cared for yourself. You deserve and have earned a breather. Stay positive and focused on a brighter future ahead.

[LostFairy in reply to kenaston]

Thank you. I wish you the best too. I do need a breather, but mine might have been a little too long in the waiting and force the people around me to act. I think I have issues with my gallbladder and going to have to get it checked out which means they will not have an option but to step in if it requires me to have surgery. I do hope not though, as much as I need a break, getting it that way would suck. Lol.