Just Feeling like Giving Up...

[TickingClock]

today is a REALLY hard day. if you have seen my other posts, you know whats going on. And its just been Hell.

As much as i hate myself to admit it, i am jealous that my husband is back home in California surrounded by friends and a few family members. Even though hes there for the most horrible reason ( to burry his mother ) i still find myself so alone and depressed and just plain bad.

we got into a fight just a bit ago over the fact that he shared a room with his girl cousin, that i happen to know very well but always thought it was weird how "close" they are. See when i first met her years and years ago, she was the type to be very touchy and affectionate. i am not an affectionate person so seeing her holding my then boyfriends hand and sitting on his lap, etc (very Ross and Monica from Friends style) i found it odd and weird. Not my cup of tea, so i did bring it up to my boyfriend and he said he never noticed it before and now that i made him realized it, it kind of estranged their "touchy/feely" relationship and he started to SEE how close she is to him. She never was the one to like me, i am a few years younger than her and 10 years younger than my husband, so she always thought we would be a fling and id go my own way eventually. she knew i wasnt a big fan of her either but we always stayed respectful.

Now she is the one to run to his arms in his most time of need while i am forced to stay home and watch the dog and stay with our child while he makes the hardest decisions in his life for his mother.

i feel lied to, hurt, jealous, depressed, and Replaced. i cant stop feeling like this and i spoke up and told him how i felt. since she came to the picture two days ago, he has texted/called me less and doesn't even send a "good morning" text like he did a week ago everyday first thing in the morning. i feel that she is the one who replaced me in his most time of need - and the fact that she has spent the night in his hotel room for the last two nights - i think the uttermost horrible things, i meanmy God would he really cheat on me with his cousin when his own mother is dying - i mean c'mon obviously NOT, BUT why do i think that he did!?!? i want it to stop - this pain - the thoughts - the jealousy - the fact that i am not the one out there with him to comfort him...

i am in so much pain - i need the reassurance that nothing happened, i need help. i want to stop crying - i want to stop everything - i want to stop making this all about me and genuinely try and be there for him even though im thousands of miles away - dont want to be replaced even though i feel that way.

i just want a simple "im sorry" from him but he is not the type to even apologize or say something is his fault, and i guess i just have to face that - or just realize that this is all my fault and i am stupid.

[Kat63]

It’s not your fault, and you’re not stupid.

FWIW, I don’t think anything is actually going on between your H and his cousin.

But she has a history of behaving inappropriately. And he hasn’t been taking your feelings as seriously as you would like.

I know how it feels when you’re out of your mind worrying about something and you want to ask for reassurance, but you’re afraid of being clingy. I wish I coped better with that situation myself. Is there anything around you or in your life that could distract you for a while? Just so you could have a break from thinking about it?

[TickingClock in reply to Kat63]

Thank you.

i want to distract myself, i dont have car and i make that as an excuse not to do things too i know. i dont want my kid to see me this way but its so hard to cover it sometimes.

your'e right, i have to do something - anything - these thoughts are killing me.

thank you for your help and time.

[Hidden]

I would be totally weirded out if I saw that. I hope you’re doing ok and don’t feel “crazy” for being upset.

[TickingClock in reply to Hidden]

thank you Unicornsrule, i hate to think i am overreacting especially in his most time of need, but c'mon! glad to hear i am not the only one who would think this way! thank you

[Hidden in reply to TickingClock]

You’re totally right in feeling like this. It’s weird. I read it to my coworkers (men) and they all agree. She’s weird.. I wouldn’t like that

[TickingClock in reply to Hidden]

ughhh thank you! im still in all the feels and emotions - like a roller coaster on this.

i know deep down in my gut, nothing actually happened, but why it had to be like this way and arranged this way from the start?! ugh!!!

[Hidden in reply to TickingClock]

Exactly! It’s a challenging time and tension is high... but girl I just think some people push boundaries. My boyfriend’s roommate totally ignores me when I’m in the room but will ask him to cut her hair. It’s weird.

You’d know if your husband was up to something. He might see it as harmless but from my perspective, it’s just super annoying and inappropriate!

[TickingClock in reply to Hidden]

you're so totally right - it is pushing boundaries - and i am sure she is aware of it!

ugh i just dont understand how people can cheat - especially woman knowing the other person is with some one else - like doesnt make sense! us woman should look out for each other, we know we are gentle creatures and it hurts like hell from a broken heart so why do that to another person, another one of your own?!

idk i am just glad she is driving back home tonight and out of our lives again, at least thats what he old me... and also he checked out today from the hotel and is now staying over a very close friend of ours - i can rest in ease that the only woman in the friends house is his mom -

and his room mate sounds a bit jealous if she ignores your presence - and cutting hair, hhmmm thats weird and also close contact - me no like

[Hidden in reply to TickingClock]

I agree! I honestly think some women do struggle with insecurities themselves and are more attracted to men with girlfriends or fiancée or wives. It’s like a game.

Trust your husband. You’d know in your gut if something happened. Is she like related to him by blood?

I hope you get some rest tonight. When is he home?

And yes, same here. I was on sick leave for my anxiety and stayed with my boyfriend, and he owns the house.. his roommate is new and legit had the audacity to text me saying, “You are leaving soon, right? Be sure to take some leftovers when you go.” Like um ok? I thought I read it wrong. So I showed my boyfriend and he was upset and said she didn’t run the house.. therefor she doesn’t make the rules and she rents one room and me being there isn’t her concern. So I asked him not to talk to her because I didn’t want to start shit. Right when I went to shower, she runs up to him and asks him when I’m leaving. He told her that’s between me and my doctor. Some girls, man!!!

[TickingClock in reply to Hidden]

OH MY GAWD, okay NOT COOL. no way would that pass with me, thats disrespectful and rude. you're right some girls just want to "win" like its a damn game. so gross.

i am glad your boyfriend agreed with you, some guys wouldn't even care.

and you are right, i trust him that he didn't do anything - just so awkward and just in the time of all of this happening i felt so replaced

thank you so much for being here for me

[Hidden in reply to TickingClock]

Oh yes... don’t I know it! I seriously thought I was being jealous until he read that text. I just got off Zoloft and my mood swings have been incredible... so it felt good to feel like it was a legit concern. It’s just frustrating, especially when you’re kind to the person! I just have to laugh. We watched GoT the other night and she saw us cuddling.. then goes in the kitchen to sob. The more we ignored the louder she got. I felt bad the first time she cried but now I just think it’s a manipulation tactic 😣

Definitely!!! He married YOU and you him for a reason. Once you see him, you’ll know if something is up. It just sounds like they are weirdly close.. but that doesn’t mean it’s ok. Keep me posted with what’s going on. I know this is a hard time for you (I saw your earlier post) but just know that it will be ok!!! You’re so welcome. Keep me in the loop ❤️ and thank you for listening to me!

[TickingClock in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for the encouraging words, they truly helped. Everyone here helped tremendously!! we have finally seen eachother and got to talking. we are considering couples therapy just so we dont think the other is the dramatic one or the one at fault, we need someone new to come into the relationship and hear us out.

since then i have had no jealousy issues with his family or anyone else. down to it, i really felt replaced and thats what stirred up all these emotions and anger. but i feel much better now. so thank you and God Bless

[kenster1 in reply to TickingClock]

hi its been a testing few weeks for you stay strong and take care.

[Agora1]

TickingClock, I am sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I do support your feelings

in this case. Considering there are friends and other family members there, why would

it be necessary for your husband and cousin to share a room. I'm not saying anything

is going on but I feel this is very inappropriate. The cost of them both having a separate

room would have possibly made your worries a little less. There is really nothing you

can do at this point. When he comes back, you will have your chance to comfort and

support him in his grief. I hope meanwhile, you use the forum for support and understanding from your virtual family. You are not alone. xx

[TickingClock in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much - this brought a tear to my eye - thank you. yes things could i believe should have gone differently, even after i asked him not to have her int he same room as i thought it was disrespectful to me, but she then stayed another night in the same room.

i dont know if cost was an issue - or just laziness or the easiness of just sharing a room, but to me i was disrespected and tossed aside - feeling replaced and betrayed.

he did tell me that she had the bed and he had the couch - and he reassured me that my thoughts were just running away with me and that was HIS cousin Nothing more Nothing less - but it still just grossed me out =( idk... i am glad to know that i have you guys to help me sort this out in my head, i am so thankful for you - thank you =)

[Agora1 in reply to TickingClock]

I know how bad you are hurting right now and just hope it helps

to know you can always lean on us. It's going to be okay once

he is back home. Sending you a hug xx

[TickingClock in reply to Agora1]

thank you so much. i hope he comes back sooner than he hopes, she will be buried next week. =( and we are still hoping we can fly out.

thank you for being here for me =) ::virtual hug::

[HeathersWellness]

I am so sorry to hear about this difficult time you're facing in your marriage. As I read this, my heart is extremely saddened and I can't even imagine all of the raw emotions that you must be experiencing although you've courageously mentioned a few.

Your feelings are valid I should say right off the bat so please don't blame or judge yourself for any negative actions, attitudes or behaviors your husband might be expressing. Right now as you contemplate bringing up this issue to him once again, would you also consider asking him to explore marriage and grief counseling as the next steps to mending your relationship? Trust and open communication are vital to restoring and maintaining a healthy marriage. I would encourage you to talk to him when he returns and to seek counseling before giving up.

There is a nationwide network of licensed counselors that I am very familiar with -- bit.ly/2Y96zDN. These counselors have years of experience counseling married couples and helping them work through a variety of issues. I know there is at least one for you that would love to help address any and all concerns you feel may be hurting or sabotaging your marriage. I'll be praying for you and your husband to work things out in your relationship and for his struggle with grief. Please don't give up too soon. Blessings to you both!

[TickingClock in reply to HeathersWellness]

Thank you so very much for your lovely response and encouraging words. i dont want to give up. thank you for making me aware of that. i had spoke to him again when things had cooled down and we do think that counseling is the best option for us. we both dont want to give up on eachother. thank you so much for the website - that helps so much!

thank you again, dear friend

[HeathersWellness in reply to TickingClock]

Hi. Sorry for the delayed response and you are very welcome. I hope things are getting better for you and your husband and that there have been some definite steps to lasting change. Will continue to pray!

[TickingClock in reply to HeathersWellness]

Thank you so much =) all the prayers and kindness is always appreciated

[Hidden]

I just agree with other posters. I think sharing a room with a female is inappropriate.

Take care,

[TickingClock in reply to Hidden]

thanks, i did too, i am glad i didnt overreact or think i was alone on this!