feeling lost

[ronnellstc]

I've been dealing a lot with my anxiety and the birth of my boyfriends child ( i am not the mother), the bio mom has been playing mind games with him, which causes him to go into a manic state, and causes alot of stress on our relationship. the bio mom seems to have warmed up to exchanging texts w/ my boyfriend about his child, which is a plus, but he did mention that the spoke on the phone. While i am not bothered by that because I know its part of the relationship, and him having a child now. It was kinda like a knife to the gut ( i know its just my anxiety). He constantly asks me to open up and tell him my feelings, but when I do, he gets defensive. I told him about this last night, to which he replied " i'm gonna take to her, she is the mother of my child, if you think I'm not , you must be crazy." i literally just wanted him to say, " ok I understand".

[Eowyn7]

I'm sorry this sounds really hard. I honestly would not be able to date someone with a brand new baby, maybe if the kid was 3 yo and the co-parenting relationship more settled. He is working to build that relationship with her, and that is attention and focus away from you. I suggest couples counseling to see if he can handle giving enough attention to both of you, or if you want stick it out knowing his attention is divided. He has to do the right thing and be a father but you don't have to put up with being ignored or called crazy.

[ronnellstc in reply to Eowyn7]

I completely understand that his attention will be divided, and i am ok with it. I guess i wasn't ok with his response to me expressing how it made me feel. He tells me time and time again that i don't open up to him, but when I do, he always seems to get defensive.

[Eowyn7 in reply to ronnellstc]

Yeah that is not right, he should not try to minimize your feelings. He needs to ask what he can do to help you

[gogogirl in reply to ronnellstc]

Moreover, a person in general who just got out of a relationship and now in a way is back in is not ready to move on. You can be though. Enjoy your own company and that of family and friends if possible.

[gogogirl]

This sounds like a really snarly situation , and you are in the middle of it. Personally, I couldn't imagine it. I don't know how long you've been with this person, but it sounds like a time bomb waiting to explode. You do not have to put up with being a scapegoat to this former couple. I can't give you advice, but I would say, "Later" and move on.