Measuring up

[silenceNOmore]

Ok this is the first time i have ever shared any of my problems. I left my job and career in Texas to move to New Mexico to help take care of my 85 year old father who has dementia and other health problems oh and his meaner then junkyard dog. My mother begged me to come here to help her with my father so i did just that. I have been accused of domestic violence against my mother which is not true and yet she wont admit it to herself me or anyone. My mother called the police and accused me of hitting her and she was afraid i would harm her more. Mother told this to the police over the phone while i was standing there. I couldn't believe that my father was there and he knows that i didn't hit her yet i was not defended. 5 State Police, 1 Ambulance with 3 paramedics, the physical therapist. You would of thought that there was a mass murder. I was handcuffed and in the back of patrol car I saw all this police and ambulance personal, it looked like a circus. Lies Lies why would a mother call on her son and accuse him of domestic violence when it didn't happen. I have never ever hit my mother or father ever I don't deny I didn't have part in this but I was standing up for my self. I was hospitalized a few days ago for deep anxiety, numb arm and high blood pressure I'm now on 5 different medication pills which i never took pills and my blood pressure reading was 219/146 doctor gave me strict orders to stop what ever is going on in my life because if not i could end up 6 feet under. II am 56 year old man and a type of a person that i stand up for my self when i know its wrong. I do admit I do yell but thats because they bring me to this level but again I have never hit my parents. My parents protect each other even if its a lie. I get accused and lied to by my mother a lot. yes people have said if these things are happening - you have to leave. The problem with that is i don't ask people for help like asking to stay or to sleep. I have my best friend who is a Maltese pure white his name is Rocky he and are bonded and best friends so i just cant say hey i need a place to stay, oh by the way my dog also, i'm limited in cash and don't have a job so its not easy for me to rent hotel rooms when I get kicked out the house. Funny a 56 year old gets kicked out his parents house. I have no interest in anything I have lived in my car a total of 29 days in 3 months. Any idea or suggestion is blown off by mother and father or if not if mother thinks its a good idea she tells a family member to do just that. Mother tends to create drama between the family by talking nonsense such as coming to me and saying "your brother said this about you' nothing ever good always bad, gossip and lies. Why would a mother do that? Mother tends to lie a lot and gossip. All I ever wanted my mother to be truth to be honest with me and she can't. I told her one day I said "cant you go one day with out lying" she got so angry. So mother and I argue about things that aren't true and thats when i get to yelling. I want my relationship with my mother I love my mother yet in some ways i hate her. I went as far to ask if she would agree to talk to a priest so we can work on our son/mother relationship. When we met with the priest she couldn't even be truthful. She was worried about what the priest thought of her. I said thats in-material. Yet she got mad and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. I did put her in a spot and asked her a question and she lied to the priest. She couldn't even be truthful with the priest - theres more. But mainly thats why I have anxiety and depression and sometimes I feel like I don't measure up to my parents or anyone. Mother/father they are all I have. But sometimes I feel like this world would be better off with out me, I cant sleep and eat thats how bad my troubles are here at my parents. i don't know if any of this makes sense. I will continue later .

[Mary-intussuception]

Sorry for all you have been through. After taking such a huge step and making such a personal sacrifice - it's all gone so terribly wrong.

Don't you think that you DO need to get out of this situation now - and work on relationships later - when you are settled?

Would you now consider seeking some support for the situation you are currently faced with ?

That is - homeless with your dog and in need of accommodation and a job ?

I would definitely give consideration to contacting a Domestic Abuse Organisation / Charity as the person who has been abused and needs urgent accommodation and support.

Where I am in the UK there is a Charity that organises temporary foster accommodation for people's pets who are victims of Domestic Abuse and Homeless persons who get temporary accommodation that can't take pets. Until the people are settled and can take their dogs back.

Please seek help for YOU now. Living with family 24/7 is too much. We are all human - it works better to be a visitor.

Get help and support for you and your dog now - you are the victims of Domestic Abuse.

Get YOU well and settled and safe with your own family , ie your dog.

Only then, when feeling well yourself, can you start thinking about working on your relationship with your parents - When things have settled down. - And the past has blown over. Then leave it there - in the past.

All the best ( Google Domestic Abuse agencies in your area NOW )

You cannot change your Mum - you can only pray for her and your Dad.

May God Bless & sustain you and your dog.

Leave your parents in His hands for now.

x

ps

If you can't find a Domestic Abuse Shelter for men where you are then I would go back to your Priest (just you and your dog) and ask if he knows anyone who can help with temporary shelter or lodgings and foster care for your dog. Hopefully you find somewhere for both of you.

Any hotels where you could get a live-in job ?

[imasleep123 in reply to Mary-intussuception]

This 100%

[hypercat54 in reply to Mary-intussuception]

Totally agree Mary. This is a toxic situation. x

[silenceNOmore in reply to Mary-intussuception]

thank you Mary for replying to my post. I didn't think anyone would reply, but you did so THANK YOU. for most of all you said i have heard it and I totally agree with you as well. I have very low self esteem and I never was like that. I have a few options that came available. My cousin has offered for me to stay in her guest house in Santa Fe I also have an option of living in AZ and both those options came readily available yesterday. I did not sleep I was up and down pacing outside I have already drank a pot of coffee. I will right more soon ..........

Thank you

Mary-intussuception

[imasleep123]

My mom tells me I can tell her anything, but tbh she’s not a very good person to be open and honest with... I try to remember that I cannot change others I can only change myself and how I react to others. I used to get really depressed when my mom would start yelling at me when I would ask for her advice, now, I realize that my mom isn’t very good at coping with her own stress so it makes sense that she gets worked up when I talk to her about my stress. I’ve since learned to talk to her about what’s going on in different ways, and not to take her yelling personally.