Exhausted

[itakenaps]

I think I have been lying to myself on how I have been doing for awhile now. Ignoring the signs of slipping into old habits. Explaining things away by telling myself i’m just tired from working so much, it will be better next week. Slowly pulling back from my friends and family. I’ve been so irritable for the littlest of things. I ignored my body and mind telling me it was not okay. I think maybe I was scared of admitting it to myself. I was doing so well for 2 years. Now it feels like it has all come to nothing. Now I feel like I have to start all over again, like im back to square one. And im angry at myself, angry at being born this way, having to deal with this shit. It’s so exhausting.

[gerg]

What do you think brought on this change?

[itakenaps in reply to gerg]

I don’t know. I was feeling fine. I was even thinking about talking to my therapist about starting to try and come of my meds. I was working a lot. Had less time for myself, which I have to admit got me off balance. Im feeling lonely. I tend to bottle things up and I think I was doing it unconsciously this time and now it is just all spilling over and im trying to deal with it.

[Kat63]

The bad news is that many people find that the depression/anxiety/whatever never gets cured, never goes away forever. It comes back from time to time.

The good news is that it usually doesn’t stay forever, either. It goes into remission.

Are you in therapy, and/or seeing a doctor about meds?

[itakenaps in reply to Kat63]

Yeah. I know I need to go and talk to them. But it feels like if I do I am conceding that I have to start over again. I know it’s stupid. It just feels like a failure.

[itakenaps in reply to Kat63]

I really wanted to come off medication.