Panicking

[Kevin160]

My parents want me to start therapy until the end of the month , they dont know that im starting to panic every single day , i just feel so bad, i just feel like im losing control , and i dont know what to do until they finally allow me to start therapy, i just have alot on my mind , im just thinking about dying eventhough i know anxiety is said to be harmless but i panic that this constant panic will kill me

Last week was great i didnt feel stressed but i guess it was just a tiny break , then triggers were all over the place and anxiety starting coming back, now its worse and i just spend every single moment panicking and feeling like my heart will rip out of my chest , im so frustrated and weak..im SO angry with myself, that i stopped worrying about blood pressure and its always low, but the anxiety is not going away, im so angry i hate myself , life is amazing and i want to do so much more, i didnt achieve anything and im sooo scared and terrified i will keep suffering and i will die before i get to do all of this, whenever i hear about someone dying or getting a disease mental or physical i panic...im soo done i never thought this will happen to me , i cant even study, or function , i just hate myself right now this is becoming anger as well, i just hate that i never get to catch a break , physical symptoms are back, headaches and chest pains, which makes me feel like im having a heart attack or stroke, as always deep down i know its unlikely, but its very scary because what if im wrong this time and im dying but im treating it like anxiety, i tried alot, i just almost giving up, i feel myself not even abke to explain anymore, when i tell someone i just can explain anymore , my family are not supportive and i feel like my body is shutting down ..i know that there is a solution but i just cant take this, im shaky always, and my heart keeps racing and pounding ...and if therapy doesnt work i will probably just panic myself to death ...

I just hate that my own family MY FAMILY who should support me think im doing it for attention and they care for others more than me , my brother had the same problems and they took him to a psycologist and many doctors and he just kept acting like a baby and take advantage of things, i just dont want to explain anymore it sucks ...i just need help and im so close but i just dont WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN..im so worried i will develop suicidal thoughts or die and lose control and go through all the crap that goes with it ...

I feel my heart is twice its weight, and that i can barely think or focus on anything ither than dying or just the thought that im not normal, even when im distracted or dont feel totally stressed, any thing can cause my heart to palpitate it sucks, palpitations and chest pains are one of the main problems too, along with migraines with aura and panic attacks, i just dont see myself getting better like i did before, im just terrified i will stay like this its hell

Like i keep thinking about the future and that i will die before i achieve things , people die young everyday, how do i know it wont happen to me, im scared to face the world and im just panicking this is how i will go, it will be so embarassing that i wasted a life over stress, and im healthy so far physically but if i stay like this future blood pressure, strokes, depresion, suicidal thoughts, loneliness, who will care when im always stressed ...im just soo done i cant take it , i cant even cry and let it out i physically never was able to , i just feel trapped alone, i sometimes feel somdetached from the world i cant recognize whats real..i have so many insane thoughts and i cant think straight its all falling apart i feel , and although right now on the outside i look calm, in the inside i feel like my head so tight like there is a band over it , my heart feels like exploding and i keep thinking im gonna die or fall apart and shut down , people might be sick of how im feeling my own family thinks im doing it for attention , but how am i gonna survive another week until my parents even understand how important this is , i tell them everyday and they think im kidding

[Hidden]

I am sorry that your anxiety symptoms are so strong right now. That fear is making you think things you probably logically think aren't true, but your logic isn't outweighing the fear right now. Your parents probably don't realize how bad your symptoms are right now and think they are being supportive by getting you into therapy by the end of the month. It's normal for it to take time getting a close appointment for a new patient. The end of the month might be the best they thought they could do. Maybe try asking them to see if your medical office can get you a closer appointment, even if it isn't the therapist you will end up seeing.

[Kevin160 in reply to Hidden]

We know the therapist , its not that they think its best, its that they keep postponing thinking i will stop the “attention seeking” eventually iguess, or grow out of it or stop asking ....because i have been saying for about a month to my family that we know this therapist and he is good , i want to go im suffering from this and this etc.. but they think im overreacting or something because what im feeling sucks and it just gets worse

[Hidden in reply to Kevin160]

Ah. Thanks for explaining. If they are actually trying to postpone, that is a different story.

[Hidden in reply to Kevin160]

I only suggest telling them your physical symptoms every time they happen. I hope they will decide that they can't argue with your physical symptoms.

[Hidden in reply to Kevin160]

I think I've written over three separate responses to you and couldn't decide what to actually post. This is one of my first, that still doesn't exactly apply if they are postponing your therapy, but I think that the bottom part where I try to help you talk to them right now, is still good. Acknowledging what they are doing, but continuing to share your symptoms.

Kevin, oh Kevin. I am so sorry that you are going through this and that your brother may have, too. What you are feeling is real. Your post lists many physical symptoms. I'm assuming your parents don't understand how acute your anxiety is right now and think they are being supportive by getting you into therapy by the end of the month. I don't know the timeline for you, but somehow acknowledging that they are being a help, tell them you need help sooner. Something like, "I'm so glad that you've got me in to see a therapist, but I'm still having major symptoms right now - like", ..... and talk about your heart, your chest, back pain and headaches. "My anxiety is so strong right now that I think it will help to see someone sooner."

[Kevin160 in reply to Hidden]

As sad as it sounds , they had nothing to do with it, i insisted on the therapist and got all the things needed , i just needed them to support me , and they didnt , dont get me wrong they are not mean people but recently they dont put my well being in their mind and that since i went through alot of things these past few years maybe i need help , so im going to probably finance my own appointments and go alone ..im just scared because its a big step and i need a push and support to go through with it , i know i need it but its scary what if it doesnt work i will have no hope left ...

[guynfl2chat]

I can fully relate to your post. First of all-- yes you do have anxiety. Please accept that. There is no reason to try and figure out why you have it or why it is bothering you. Try and accept the sensations. Secondly, alot of family, friends, doctors do not accept anxiety as a true illness or "burden" on someone. They think we should be able to overcome it by just thinking and feeling differently. Its not that easy. I think therapy is a great idea, but find a therapist you can talk to-- this may take a couple of tries. Also DO NOT LISTEN to others about how you are feeling. You know how you feel and you are going to work on managing it and feeling better. This is something that you will have work on and some days will be touch, but somedays will not be bad at all. Trust me! We all understand and you are not alone!

[Kevin160 in reply to guynfl2chat]

I wish i can accept it and live with it, but i have this terrifying thought that this is a killer, this is unhealthy and harmful , i get this panic every single day , how can i accept it if it feel physical and mental symptoms that im dying , even though deep down i dont feel its the case but i just tried but whenever i try to accept the panic and not do anything i just cant still still and freak out and just panic and try to relax and talk to people and wish and pray that it doesnt kill me , people tell me kts harmless and i should listen but its hard to ignore the physical symptoms because they are overwhelming , especially since my family always make fun of my insecurities and stress thinking its a joke , and tell me if i stay like this i will die of a stroke so these thoughts never leave my mind , sleeping and not waking, dying alone, no help nor support , when did it become so severe i cant believe its happening ;(

[guynfl2chat in reply to Kevin160]

Anxiety is living in the fear in which you are saying in your head. Try to relax and breathe. Also accept the sensations as anxiety and learn to let them flow through like a wave. If you see a psychiatrist they may prescribe a med that will help with this process. The only way to really work through anxiety is to accept it and validate the feelings and try to relax. I would recommend an anxiety relaxation app on your phone. Just put on your headset really close your eyes and let your mind relax.

[Kevin160 in reply to guynfl2chat]

Im trying meditation currently too, which sometimes helps but since anxiety is getting worse , im having trouble accepting it, because the physical symptoms are too strong and i keep thinking that what if im wrong and this time its not just stress, this has just caused a stroke and i will die , i cant relax, you see how im thinking , so i dont know how the heck im going to relax and accept it, im not worried about the sensation , im worried that it will kill me , if i stay like this and nothing happens i will be ok with it, but because even though im told its fine i fear that they are wrong or im an exception and i will die from this chronic stress and panic, do people even die from panic disorder, because truly i dont know, i know it causes health problems and is harmful but im just too worried to think straight

[guynfl2chat in reply to Kevin160]

Have you been on any anti anxiety meds in the past? Any issues with substance abuse ? I am just asking because if you do-- they will not give you any benzos.

Sometimes we need medication to help with the symptoms. Once the mind realizes we can survive from these panic attacks--- it will tend to move on to something else. However that flight to fight response is strong with those of us with panic. Have you had a complete medical exam?

[Kevin160 in reply to guynfl2chat]

Well i had counselling in the past but i never had anxiety this severe it was mostly mild stress and was very managable , then a couple months back i developed this obsession over my pulse and blood pressure , because i kept panicking that stress and anxiety will cause me to get high blood pressure and i will get a heart attack, then i got over that a few weeks back where i stopped obsessively measuring it, i stopped worrying about it because i realized breathing exercises lower it and help even when im not 100% calm, but then anxiety didnt stop after that ...however to answer your question no i never had medications , and im not sure if i want to , imwill start therapy hopefully i wish soon but we will see what he does, i just want to survive that long alone, my sister has surgery tomorrow, and i have exams im turning 18 so im still studying, i have a busy schedule and im already having anxiety without any reason , i just dont know im over analyzing everything to a point where i dont get a break from it , like from the moment i woke up i keep thinking about it and just dying

[guynfl2chat in reply to Kevin160]

yes, you are overthinking it all. Talk to a therapist about these feelings and thoughts. I have been obsessed with pulse and bp too. Its all part of being anxious. There is not one cure, but there are several that can work.

Breathing

Relaxation

Healthy diet

Exercise

Mindful exercise (of the brain)

Acceptance

[Kevin160 in reply to guynfl2chat]

Yes im feeling better now, still the sinking feeling in my heart never goes away and chest pains, but im not panicking as much , im gonna go sleep for a bit i guess ..weird as it sounds i always had insomnia but when anxiety started im sleeping well ..weird right ..i always had problems even without stress , i could never sleep well

[Kevin160 in reply to guynfl2chat]

Im going to try to go to the therapist as soon as possible meditation and exercise might help , i will see how it goes im gonna fight until its over , either me or the anxiety ...hopefully its the anxiety because i think im strong enough

[guynfl2chat in reply to Kevin160]

that is good to hear. You win a little battle everytime you say that to yourself!

[Ollyvie]

Hello Kevin160

I know this is a lot to deal with right now. I can understand how you feel. When you have done all you think you can do for yourself and it doesn’t seem to help. It can be very frustrating. You are not alone, and you don’t have to deal with this all by yourself. It rather unfortunate your family is asking you to wait a while. You can contact counseling consultation on this 855-382-5433 if you need one before your family get you to a psychologist. Most of the things that we get anxious about is ‘WHAT IF’ probably may not happen. I want you to start talking yourself out of these fears and thinking the opposite. Begin to thing the positives. The good and not the bad. Even though are fears are so real and can be over whelming, I will encourage to take a deep breath and calm yourself down. Literally talk to yourself. Have you tried listening to motivational and inspirational speakers? I have printed words and inspirational quote at some places in my house that remind me every time I see it. I have some songs that I listen to when I feel so down and helpless (youtube.com/watch?v=emgv-VR...(Not working as expected?) You can also look for songs that can uplift your spirit up and encourages you. You can also try watching shows that can distract you a bit what you are anxious about. I came across this woman story about anxiety and it was encouraging bit.ly/2XdU3lY. I pray and hope that things get better for you soon.

[Kevin160 in reply to Ollyvie]

Thank you so much, im doing a little better today, im just constantly repeating the sentence, anxiety is harmless, this wont kill you this wont kill you ...and sometimes it works and i feel more relaxed but sometimes my brain sort of switched the thought into yes you will die , but im guessing it will need time, whenever i get these herat palpitations, i just try to experience as much of it as i can so i become less scared of it , im trying to cause myself to worry and panic as much as i can to show myself that i cant panic , im trying to sort of show myself that i have control like i did before because now i feel that im expecting to be anxious all the time so it happens on its own ..just knowing it wont kill me will be a start to getting better , i have been having this constant panic attacks and anxiety for almost 2 months so its becoming frustrating

[photographyhoop]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, you cannot let it take control of you. Which is something that I struggle with everyday. The fact that you are still able to stand up to your family and tell them this is what you need is amazing! I can't even tell mine I want to do this. Is there anyone else you can talk to while you wait for the therapy to start?

I get that it can be hard your parents helped your brother and now need to help you too. Explaining anxiety and the effects it has can be hard and I am not playing sides but when you open up and spill the whole truth it can be difficult for people to comprehend that it is a reality. No matter how often you tell them or anything like that; some people just don't know how/ or don't want to understand and be let in to the situation that closely.

I get that this situation sucks! Big time. You talk about developing suicidal thoughts, the most important thing here is that you are scared it will happen. You have to tell yourself that you will get what you need eventually, even if it takes a little longer than you want it to.

Do not be angry at yourself, and I get that it seems easy for me to just say this to you, but honestly fight that feeling. Live it day by day, enjoy it. Take pride in the little things that you manage to do. Little things, no matter what they are or how silly they seem. Just know that it is most likely not a hatred for you that is causing this, and that thought has probably crossed your mind every now and again, but fight that one off too. I don't know if anything that I have written is going to be much help but if you ever need anyone to rant at, I am only a message away :))

[Kevin160 in reply to photographyhoop]

I really appreciate it, its just that i have never had this debilitating anxiety, i always thought of myself as someone with stress but i would always feel calm..never knowing the “real anxiety” until i experienced it, now im just full with emoathy to anyone with mental illnesses because i know how hard they are to control, im just always told not to fight it, live with it and try to not let it affect you , when i start seeing that anxiety is less scary and less severe when im not trying to fight it i will start to feel calmer, i woke up today with a racing heart and mind, but every time i get an idea im like it wont kill me , i will be fine , and it helps calm me, im a bit more optimistic now, and i mena my family was semi supporive, they try to help but i told them eventually u will never understand because that is something u dont have that experience with , because they say things like “just calm or think about something else “ which if i could i would never had a problem, but for me panic and stress can be generated from almost anything , and i panic alot because i worry about simple things like a soe throat , hitting my head , arguments , its just silly but for me right now i believe its normal, i just hope im able to manage it

[photographyhoop in reply to Kevin160]

Over time you will learn how to control those moments, it takes forever and there is never one solution. Even if for a moment you lose that and end up in your spiral remember to at least acknowledge that afterwards; look at what it was that caused it and think about why you would of had such a strong reaction. Yes little random things but sometimes they add up together very well and give you an answer to a bigger problem.