Grief-end of a friendship

[reinventingmyself36]

I know I’m constantly posting but I’m addicted to hearing back from others experiences and advice.

I have been in a toxic friendship with my best friend for over 26 years and now that she has a friend like her for over 7 years now they gaslight, criticize and make me feel bad when I complain to them and maybe they have a right to. Now they have distanced themselves from me and I don’t bother them but I feel they’re prettier, no psychological issues, skinnier more successful better families and life skills than me. So now it comes down to me feeling like the fat ugly mentally ill friend. They trigger me but I’m sad I can’t feel good around them. They have concluded for now I should find other friends and work on myself. I told them I’m jealous of them and I am angry at them and they agree it’s not fair for me to feel this way towards them but at same time they never uplift or support me but want me around as long as I don’t voice my complaints or feelings or things I think their doing wrong to me. I’m now all lone frozen with fear anxiety loneliness and I want to die

[dogandcatlover27]

I just want to give you a big hug.You are better than those so called friends.So sorry you feel like that.Find new friends who will be kind and support you when your having mental health problems.You don’t deserve to be treated like that.xxx❤️

[reinventingmyself36 in reply to dogandcatlover27]

your so sweet and compassionate to someone you don’t know. I appreciate your kind words. Sometimes I feel I’m the bad one and deserve these type of friends. They’re good people to everyone else just not to me. Thank you. I hope your doing well

[Hidden]

Sometimes it can be difficult to find friends that you feel you really connect with. And sometimes it can be hard to find friends at all. People come and go and people change. I’d say be a good friend to yourself. And I need to take my own advice, it hasn’t been easy for me to sustain friendships. Be kind to yourself. 🙂

[reinventingmyself36 in reply to Hidden]

thank you for your advice and kind words.I’m sorry your struggling as well

It’s so hard. I feel all alone. Thank you for your support. I hope things get easier for you

[Focusedmind]

I would remove yourself from that toxic environment. Although 26 years is a long time as a "best" friend, it makes me think, "with friends like that, who needs enemies?" I would try to find friends who are compassionate and will listen to you, not make you feel less than you are. You don't have to be harsh and cut off all ties with them, just don't hang out with them anymore.

Yes, work on yourself, but one step at a time, and surround yourself with good, caring people and be in environments that help you spiritually, mentally and physically grow. Think outside the box by trying new things such as a new class, joining a club, or a group to meet other people. Volunteer someplace or take one of your hobbies to the next level to be involved with others. Many people would probably appreciate your sensitivity and kindness. Find them!

[reinventingmyself36 in reply to Focusedmind]

Thank you for your sincere advice and support. They removed themselves from me and realized they trigger me and I need to work on myself first and hang with others then I can be with them once I’m no longer angry and jealous of them. So for now they have distanced themselves which I should have done initially but so hard when my best friend used to be my whole world. I can’t seem to connect to others and if I do than I meet women who are prettier skinnier and better than me. I have to work on my jealousy too. Thank you for your support it helps. I hope your doing well

[012703060610 in reply to reinventingmyself36]

No one is better than anyone in this world! I am sorry you struggle and compare your physical appearance. I too struggle at times wanting to look fabulous.....but I sort of think we create the pressure to look perfect when there really isn't a need to do so. It's kind of like learning to love yourself. I'm still a work in progress here so I fully empathize. However, I guarantee you worry about you appearance and advancement in life more than anyone else. I am so sorry you have been through the wringer here!

[reinventingmyself36 in reply to 012703060610]

I struggle so much with accepting how I look. I am lazy and unmotivated to exercise and eat better. I wish I could see that others aren’t better than me. I thank you for your support and incredible advice. I will try to follow it.

Jealousy for me stems from fact that I’m so insecure and unhappy with myself and haven’t achieved the success in work, life, and love that I wanted to. I agree with you. You seem very wise and kind. Thank you for your encouragement. I hope things are better for u

[012703060610 in reply to Focusedmind]

Love the volunteer idea.

[012703060610]

I have had to end several toxic friendships over the years. Sometimes they hurt worse than a romantic break up. The last one was vey similar. This "friend" added another gal to the group when I wouldn't do exactly what she wanted. The moment it ended was when the whole neighborhood was at a party at their house but us. I do have grief when these end and I am not sure why. These people were constantly stressing me out and why do I need to follow their rules. You sound a little like me in the people pleaser category....so when things are not reciprocated, it feels even worse. I think I've come to accept that I will only have a very small group of friends I trust and will be thankful for acquaintances that are nice etc. Heck, I consider my therapist a friend to some degree. Jealousy is difficult. Even once you remove yourself from the chaos, you then look back and think you were the bad one and you see them off doing their thing. For how they have made you feel, and for dealing with 26 years of a hot mess friendship, you need to walk away for you. I even talk to my young daughters about give and take and what being a true friend means. I see this kind of trauma happening in elementary school and it's awful. It isn't about the quantity, but the quality. I have moved states and have yet to make a real friend in 3 years. I have medical issues that prevent me from just getting out to socialize, but I work with the kids parents on getting them together and I know that when I feel better, fingers crossed, there are a few women that I think could be a good friend. I just don't want to lop on with all of my health issues and complain to new people. And post as often as you need!

[reinventingmyself36 in reply to 012703060610]

oh I’m sorry your going thru so much! I can’t imagine having kids. I’m here for you if you need to chat. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I just want one friend and that’s all. So hard to find.

[catsrock]

This sounds incredibly difficult. I think it's best to stay away from them and look at finding new friends. I've had to cut friends out of my life at times because of similar things or just in general knowing our friendship isn't working anymore. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. Do you work or volunteer or do anything else where you could connect with new people who share your interests?

[reinventingmyself36 in reply to catsrock]

it’s soul crushing. Thank you for reaching out to me. This group is a great support system to me. I am quite lazy in volunteering but want to join a virtual support group. I can’t seem to make friends that I feel comfortable and connected to.

I do feel better not being around them. Thank you for being so sweet and I hope things are going well for u.

They don’t seem to ever miss me!

[catsrock in reply to reinventingmyself36]

They may miss you and just aren't saying it. I think the more you can get your focus off them, the better. A virtual support group sounds good. Female friendships are tricky!

[reinventingmyself36 in reply to catsrock]

thanks for your honesty! I know I put too much focus on them. Female friendships are challenging. Thank you for your support