WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY FAULT?!

[Meyer_Gdmnx]

First of all before I start I want to say I feel. bad even complaining about this because I feel like I’m limping all my problems at one person which I acknowledge is silly and immature and I hope not what I’m doing.

My problem is my brother on occasion he has been quite helpful but a lot of the time he’s neglectful and dismissive. Now I understand just because I’m in a difficult place doesn’t mean he should always have to help he had his own life own problems own responsibilities I get it all and respect it all. I understand some of this is genuinely up to me! And that he has a lot of work etc etc I’m highly respectful and understanding of this. However! Why is every single problem I have down to me according to my brother? When I say I’m worried because I’ve not had a proper meal that day he says exasperatedly “because you do **** all so your body doesn’t want food” and when I’m worried about something medical he just sarcastically replies “yeah you probably do have that” where as on the other hand when he had problems with his knee I didn’t all my admittedly already free time calming him down and supporting him. so it’s just always my fault for being this way I understand I should do more but his lack of interest in helping me is saddening and infuriating he then has the unmitigated gaul to say that I’m always in the wrong because when he says thing like I previously stated I apparently act like a “****” just because I don’t pat him on the back and say thank you for his latest half hearted attempt to take a modicum of interest in supporting me. And on top of this a good proportion of the time when I do have a problem he gives vague answers and then says he’s too tired and he’ll talk to me tomorrow inevitably he doesn’t. I feel bad for complaining as I say I know people come from much less supportive back grounds and I’m appreciative of the support they give me and I really don’t want to ask for too much. But

[Daisymom]

Meyer… First of all please don’t apologize for reaching out… You’re not complaining you’re expressing a situation you’re in which sounds like a narcissistic relationship... just because there’s a bloodline doesn’t mean you need to stay in an unhealthy abusive situation… I suggest you research narcissism and if your brother sounds like that… Keep reading…. It’s not an easy situation to get out of and it takes a lot of time

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to Daisymom]

Thank you daisymom for taking the time to reply was very insightful!❤️ I’ve brought it up to him multiple times he appeases the situation by agreeing with me but then does nothing

[Daisymom in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

That’s what narcissist do… Google it...And then keep googling it… Narcissistic relationships are highly toxic and take years to work through… Just keep googling I guarantee it will sound familiar

[20Voices]

Hi Meyer,

I went through the stage of blaming myself and it was all my fault. My husband at the time wasn't helpful at all because if I went to the doctor that was wrong. If I didn't talk to him that was wrong and if I did he didn't want to know.

I learnt a lot of things to help my recovery and me to cope with situations.

Firstly, never apologise for posting on here. Sometimes we need to let things out and voice what is bothering us. I keep a daily journal in which I now keep a note of any issues that have bothered me or any anxieties I have. The biggest thing I learnt with my journal was to praise myself for the things I had accomplished that day. This helped me get back to setting goals for what I wanted to achieve each and. Then I started making sure the the last entry every day was to note at least 3 things I was grateful for. I try to not repeat the same things.

I also learned how to use a Thought record as well. If a situation bothered me I would write out the situation and what happened and how I felt. Then I would look at the situation as if it had happened to someone else and write out what the reasons could be and how they would feel.

I was lucky to be able to afford to work with a lovely psychologist at the time and she really helped me with a few situations where I was left feeling paranoid by the behaviour of people I thought were friends.

There is also one reason I can think of for your brother's behaviour and that is he doesn't really understand what you are suffering from. My Dad thinks I just need to give myself a shake and get on with it. I love my Dad and have tried to explain it to him. We have come to an understanding now that we talk about other things, which is good and he accepts when I am having a rough time of it.

I also have a good friend that thinks once I've got through one low mood that I am cured. It has taken a while but he now understands that it can happen at anytime and that each time I learn something new about myself. He is also now aware that the techniques that I have learned do help, but I may have to learn other ways to help me cope if they don't work in the future.

As for not eating. Yes, not having an appetite is a problem. I used to set reminders on my phone to remind me to eat. If I wasn't feeling hungry I would try to eat some fruit or nuts or raw veg, as I would have them available. Even having a mug of soup is an easy thing to do. When I can I make soup and would freeze it in mug size portions so that I just needed to take out a portion and heat it up.

I hope these tips help you out.

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to 20Voices]

Thank you 20 voices for that brilliant reply it was very helpful and insightful. I just think it’s best for me to talk to professionals my family is very supportive and I’m thankful for that but they have two responses to my problems which are you don’t do enough and take pills. Two of which are difficult for me. I don’t ever really hit low moods again fortunately I just don’t feel much of anything I try to feel greatful I try to think of things that make me feel good I can’t think of any I like things but they don’t make me feel anything which I don’t know how to solve!😩 and I don’t I can feel anger and that’s about it.With the eating thing it isn’t a regular occurrence fortunately I cook for myself now which I haven’t done for most of my life even though I’m only 21.😂 my main worry with good comes from being scared I’ll be sick from it but then being scared that I think this way🤷🏻‍♂️ For example I would t like to eat at restaurant as I don’t know where everything has been and who touched it or what did🙄 which I know is ocd🙄 thank you again for your wonderful reply though I certainly will try writing in a journal it sounds very productive I wish you all the best overcoming your challenges

[20Voices in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

It is good you have professionals to help you. I struggled because of what was available to me and the waiting times to see anyone. Then I had a bad experience with regards to the professional help I was given.

I found that with the upsetting comments from some family members and friends it was easier to take a deep breath and not say anything.

I had the not feeling anything stage. It took me a while but I got through it, with the help of a few programs I did that my doctor got me on and also working with the psychologist I was able to afford for 6 sessions really helped as well. I was lucky to meet one that I could trust and who got what I was saying.

Keep going, you will get there.

I still sigh and hold my tongue at some comments that are made to me by family. I remind myself that they don't have to live in my head 24/7 so they don't know what it is like.

Take care.