I’m so scared and on the verge of sheer panic. It feels so complicated that I don’t think I can fully explain but I need help to figure out what to do. Most pressing at the moment is that my marriage is horrible. My job in a school got out a little over a week ago. I knew that I needed to find summer work especially for my mental health. I do not do well without something to take up most of my day. I was waiting to find out if I would be hired for the summer camp at the school and didn’t find out til 2 days before the end of school that they didn’t have enough kids signed up. My husband gets angry and jealous when I have time off. He hates his job and resents how much he has to work but he’s stuck. Within a couple days of school being out I was already getting depressed. So I told him I wanted to visit my mom who lives near the beach. He had a fit and I left the next day rather than hang around for the silent treatment or more tirades. I’ve been here now for 6 days. He has not contacted me except to respond to a text from me telling me how selfish I am. We have not had a good marriage. It’s a long story but we’ve nearly divorced several times in the 5 years we’ve been married. He is very insecure and bullheaded and immature. I am needy due to my mental health. I have not been able to do things I used to do much anymore like cook and clean and go out and have fun. So I know I haven’t had much to offer him. Also I have no desire for intimacy. I don’t even like to be around him when he’s angry and miserable which is most of the time. My heart is pounding now just writing this. I’m so scared and sad. I am supposed to go home today but all that’s waiting for me is anger and loneliness and fear and panic. I’m so scared of being alone. I’m scared of losing the ability to have a home of my own. I cannot afford to pay all the bills. I don’t make enough money. And I’m scared of going through a divorce. It’s so painful and I don’t think I can survive it. I feel sorry for my husband. He’s so unhappy. He’s not a terrible person. He’s actually a good person. He just isn’t good for me. I can’t continue to be a huge disappointment and failure to him. It’s killing me. So sorry for the length.
Scared!!!: I’m so scared and on the... - Anxiety and Depre...
Scared!!!
Hi it seems like he is a huge disappointment to you and not the other way round. You don't make him behave like this you know - he chooses to. It's nothing you have done and you can't run your life round this unsupportive unpredictable man.
Now stop apologising for being you and don't don't the blame for his behaviour onto yourself. Leave it where it belongs. I would stay with your mum for longer if you want and leave him to stew in his own juice. Don't take part in his anger and tantrums either. If he wants to argue then let him and just try and ignore it and him. x
Thank you thank you thank you! For reading/listening. For lifting me up and seeing. For being there and encouragement. 💗 I’m so sick of feeling guilty and worthless and scared. I am so glad to have found supportive friends here!
You have no reason to feel scared or or guilty etc. if you put the blame where it belongs. Take your power back girl as you haven't got to justify yourself to anyone, only yourself. He knows how you feel so plays on it. If you can show you don't care then he can't play his little games and your life will improve a lot. x
I find it hard to believe your hubby's anger comes from you...that's something he has to figure out...I for sure wouldn't spend my time arguing with him...partners should be there for you no matter what...maybe it's time to have a heart to heart conversation and let him know what you expect in your marriage...with that being said you know what's best , don't you? Are you able to stay at your moms for a longer amount of time to let him know you mean business? Life is too short to spend it fighting....keep your power for you! I wish you all the best....let us know how you make out....
Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy n hugs for you!!!
Thank you, Friend. You are right that life’s too short to spend it fighting or in anyway miserable if you don’t have to. I need supportive people in my life. I do not need additional stress and guilt. I can stay with my mom but eventually I have to face what’s to come. I hope I will feel stronger. Thank you for the love and all the good stuff! 💗
Oh no need to thank me..it's my pleasure..I hope I didn't offend you by what I said though....I know a bit about a angry hubby...my hubby was for the first 28 years of our marriage...I finally said that's it...either you let go of your anger or you may go....guess what he did figure it out, came from a very abusive dad....we will be married 39 years in August and he is now the man he was meant to be....if you have the love, don't give up...just stand strong for you!!! We deal with enough so why pile more on than we need to....hang in there and don't ever ever let anyone take your power from you! You will get a lot of support here..so you've come to the right place...Feed all the positive thoughts you can into your mind, it sure does help to breed more positive into your life......don't forget how powerful the mind is... No matter what the outcome know you'll get through...I wish you all the best..
Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy n hugs for you!!!
No offense taken at all. I’m so happily surprised that your husband actually changed. That’s so wonderful!
Yes he did...we are high school sweethearts...our love is very powerful also...with that being said we could of walked more than I care to say...ha, have you heard the saying...love is blind...marriage is a real eye opener...isn't that the truth...oh what we find out! I've come to believe not much in life is easy but so worth the fight....stay strong for you, why? Because you're special..there's only one you!
Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy n hugs for you!!!
Agreed!❤️❤️❤️
First I'm glad you posted on this forum. You will find support and love here. It sounds like your husband has a lot of issues and he is triggering rather than helping your anxiety and depression. Stay with your mom for a while.
I don't know how you feel about counseling\meds but it has helped me tremendously! I was married to an addict and you are describing me 5 years ago. He left me to binge and I filed for divorce it was the best thing that could have happened. I saw a counselor and was put on meds and now am so much better. I control the panic, fear and depression and I have a totally different life.
Hang in there honey! You will be ok. You are stronger than you think. Practice self love! Look up Louise Hay, she is wonderful. ❤
Hi Dreamie, hope you are well. Is there anyway you can speak with your husband and explain it all to him and say you need a little time to yourself for now to process it all and stay with your mum a little while longer. You say he gets angry but that's something he has to deal with. maybe for a few weeks find a little job as you mentioned it was near the beach . This would both give you some money and give you some confidence. I know it doesn't sound ideal to be away so long but if you are worried you may divorce them maybe the break would do you good. Look at the film Shirley valentine, she took herself away and had a well earned break by putting herself first for once. You have a right to expect to be loved and supported by your husband and if he is not going to do that then I think you need to think of yourself until you have a clearer head. Take care x
I’m gonna look for the movie you suggested! You are right too. If we are going to divorce it won’t be just because of this break. And I just can’t deal with the negativity right now. I so so appreciate your words and thoughts! 💗
Hi , yes do watch that film it's a great little chic flick and will cheer you up no end. Yes I think it's about time you looked after you instead of tiptoeing about incase you upset anybody. Let me know what you think of the film , stay well xx
“Tip-toed”...great word. Exactly how I feel I’ve been living. I watched the preview and the movie looks inspiring and funny. I need a good laugh! Hugs!!!!
Well that film will definitely do the job. You take care and enjoy x
Hi Dreamie.
I think you should show him your post. Maybe it would help him understand you better. It may not but if things are so bad it might help you come to a decision about what's best for you x good luck however you proceed xx hugs xx
Thank you for taking the time for me. He and I have been through this many times. I’ve explained and explained. He is just so disappointed in me and in life in general and he’s full of anger albeit mostly comes out covertly like silent treatment and criticisms about me, his co-workers, bosses, his children and everyone. He uses a lot of foul and angry language and spiteful wishes. Meanwhile it weighs me down deeper and deeper and I retreat more and more. I’ve got a lot of anxiety and I don’t do things to rock the boat so to speak. So I hide my feelings and thoughts mostly. But I definitely have told him how his attitude affects me and how awful it makes me feel that he is so dissatisfied with me. Many times I’ve told him. I do have to make a decision but none of my options are appealing. I’m scared of being alone. Don’t want to fall completely into despair. Yet I don’t want to expose anyone to the depression and anxiety I have. I have a dog that I don’t want to lose. And I will miss my home. He will not leave... we’ve been through this before. I’m just venting so I don’t expect answers. It just good to get it out. I do truly appreciate the hugs and thoughts! Very much. 💗
I pray that God gives you strength and endurance. Life is made up of many ups and downs. Don’t be discouraged and don’t lose hope. Do you have a support system? Anyone you can reach out to when you need advice or support...or even space? It might be helpful to have a heart-to-heart with your husband. Have you every considered counseling? Stay positive; love and hugs.
Hi Dreamie
Was just checking in to see if you have been feeling any better x
I wish I could report yes but at the moment I’m feeling pretty bad. But seeing that you are checking in on me is very appreciated and does give me a lift. 💗
Oh bless you, well make sure you rest up and give yourself the time and space you need . I'm thinking of you x
I used to think the same way about my husband in our early years of our marriage too. Then a wise friend of mine came to me and asked me what have you done to encourage your husband? As a wife, it is our job to encourage and nurture our husbands, no matter how hard the circumstances get. I was not a fan of intimacy either. Then I learned intimacy is much more than just sex. So, I set my mind to it, that I am going to fight for our marriage. I need to learn how to encourage and lift up my husband. I made a plan; I took a week to plan out a date night for my husband and me. I found some friends who were willing to babysit our kids. Then I took a day to plan out a meal he would like including desert. I got on my computer and found some romantic music I could listen to all week that would help me get into a romantic mood. Then I made sure I did little kind and out of the ordinary things before he would go to work or after he got home from work. A little note in his lunch box, a kiss on the cheek with a smile. Get him a glass of milk and cookies after dinner...Yes, he did ask what is going on? And he did not respond back to it right away, but eventually, he came around. I continued to plan our dinner, what I was going to wear, music I was going to play, a movie that we could watch together, what things would pique his interest in table conversation. I was only going to discuss what he was interested in and I was not going tear into him- this was going to be all about him that night.
That night finally came. I greeted him at the door, the kids were gone, I had music playing, I took his coat and lunch box. I told him to go ahead and wash up that dinner was ready. - I made it a point to take one night a month to make a date night just for my husband. I just paid attention to him. No phones or computer/ technology interruptions. I started noticing a difference in our marriage. - That was 26 + years ago, today we have been married for 30 years. I hope there is something here that will be able to help you.
This is great advice. I’ve not been very attentive for sure. I don’t know if it might be too late but I am going to give this some thought. I need to think about what my particular husband would appreciate the most (definitely intimacy) ;). It won’t come natural or easy for me so please say a prayer. I have a hard time staying focused on anyone for very long and he can be quite negative and moody which causes me a lot of stress. But I want to give it a try because we are going downhill fast. Thank you for your thoughts. 💗
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