Not sure how to approach it

[gilded_masquerade]

I’m aware I’m going to sound selfish or mean or whatever but that’s not my intent and I wanted to make that clear from the get go.

My boyfriend has been working all throughout this pandemic (he’s a house framer) and works outside in the heat. He got this job courtesy of his friend, which I am super thankful for because my boyfriend gets depressed when he’s not doing anything productive for long periods of time.

Anyway, his friend, we’ll call him John, has a lot of addictions; predominately booze and smoking. He’s a nice guy and I don’t have much of a problem with him but sometimes it feels like I’m competing for time with my boyfriend.

I’m not in anyway saying he can’t hangout with his friends, I want him to have time with his friends that’s not my issue.

My issue is; by the time he gets home he starts to fall asleep due to the work day, but if John calls him asking him to game, he does it without hesitation.

I feel like he drops everything for him some times and it bothers me. I’ve tried talking to him about this but I suck at getting my thoughts out verbally and am better at it through writing. But he always says it’s not a competition and that in reality I have more time with him.

Maybe I do and I’m just not noticing it or whatever and maybe I’m just being selfish, immature or petty.

I like his friends I just feel sometimes as if they’re more important which doesn’t help my self esteem much.

Sorry for my stupid babbling and whatever kind of post this is.

[Marshall64]

I was kind of guilty of doing what your boyfriend was doing when I was married. I went out a lot with my single friends (probably too much). In my case, I liked hanging out with my friends because they had the same kind of humor as me and we just joked around and drank. My ex-wife didn't have the same humor (just got blank looks).

I don't think you're being petty or selfish. You seemed to have expressed it well here. Although guys never like to have "the talk", your feelings are important in this relationship. I know it is hard to start the conversation. My ex-girlfriend's sister did a routine of playing the "wounded bird" to get sympathy (worked for her 😋).

[Bbunny in reply to Marshall64]

I want to be able to hang with my friends but them being single causes a problem. Idk why married people can't have single friends without issues. In my instance I had more guy friends which made it worse. I just gave in a quit hanging. That wasnt the right thing either now I'm miserable and want a happy medium. Good luck be honest and aware of his feelings.

[Marshall64 in reply to Bbunny]

I have been in relationships where my partner had male friends. It is a trust issue. I had female friends at the same time. I just knew the boundaries.

I agree with the balance. Some of my friends would get into relationships and I would never hear from them again. I always tried to keep in contact with friends no matter what my status was at the time.

[Bbunny in reply to Marshall64]

Its nice to hear from a guys point of view non bias lol thanks!

[gilded_masquerade]

Thank you all, I do want him to keep his friends as I don’t really have a problem with any of them and I normally hangout with them too but lately I just figured it would be better if he had some time with his friends.

I’m trying my hardest not to make a big deal of it but sometimes it’s hard when it turns out to be most nights after work the repeat until the weekend where my boyfriend ends up going to hangout with the guys.

I too want a healthy middle but it’s hard with everything going on right now and I live in a rural town where there isn’t a whole lot to do and I’m not much of a gamer whereas he is.

I’m sure I’ll figure something out eventually.

Thank you again to everyone who commented, hope all is well! ☺️❤️

[Mia898]

There has to be a balance between friends and girlfriend . I get how hard it is sending you best wishes