I am fighting with my husband I mean FIGHTiNGband he’s making me so angry that I don’t even want to know him or understand him as he’s full of it. I had to lock myself in a room to stop it from escalating, its out of control it may be over between us. He has little respect. He’s sneaky. He’s plain mean. He is absent in heart and soul. I am furious with the shot he says so I say more back but now I am done. Took off my rings and feel like he is my appoinent. It’s war. I hate war. But it’s here. I don’t want my kids to be a part of this fighting and unsettled mess. Maybe it will have to be buisness instead of a real relationship, maybe it will clear up after many talks but he is so stubborn and so am I so ha I don’t know. On edge and adrenaline pumping really pissed. Sorry maybe it’s not emergency but it really feels like one.
EMERGENCY: I am fighting with my... - Anxiety and Depre...
EMERGENCY
Starrlight, I'm sorry. The anger needs to subside in you. You did good by
going into a room where the argument will no longer escalate. Allow the air
to cool down between you two. Tempers flair and things get said that cannot
be taken back. Who's right or wrong right now is not the issue. It's about getting
you to a safe place within your mind.
Start deep breathing (I know how difficult it can be) Your mind is chattering
your heart is beating faster and stomach is churning. But for your emotional
stability, you must find a place within you where you can go.
I'm glad you reached out to us. Find some quiet meditation/deep breathing video
on YouTube. Even if you can't sit still enough right now, the words you hear won't
go unlistened to. Breathe my friend, exhaling long and slow will help get you back
to a better place. We are here for each other in good and bad times.
You are not alone xx
I am calm now. Thanks Agora. I just wonder what that unknown is that this time will lead to.
Time will tell Starrlight... xx
True Agora.
Im so sorry Starrlight! Arguments happen in relationships it's OK. Youneed to the time to for calm. It's good that you're in the room. Try to relax and not talk to him. You need time to yourself.
Thank you so much Sunnidayz1 I am just so sad now. Anger stands in for the hurt to cover it up until we realize we are very sad.
Yessss! So true anger DOES stand in the way!! You are so right.
And it's ok to feel sad. Get it all out. Cry you have to. All healthy!
❤
Xx
Anger for me comes in when there is an unresolved wound in my spirit. Something that happened that I have not forgiven and have not dealt with in the right way. Will be praying. Glad your calm
Same here. Thanks for prayers.
My BFF, I am here for you. You know where my pm is and you can vent all you want to there. I figured there must be a reason I couldn't sleep today & now I know what it is. So pm me and let's talk this out....
Starrlight, relationships are very hard. We have different personalities trying to work together. I am glad you stepped away to calm down. My husband and I have struggled for years with fighting. I always seemed to be the one to walk away and feel hurt. His language too was not respectful. For years I would try to talk to him, but felt like I was getting no where. I would pray often and also pray with friends. I had to learn that I was harboring bitter feelings from all the fights and baggage that has built up over the years. Also, feeling like I was stuck and had no way out. I struggled with depression due to not dealing with the bitterness, anger, and not feeling like I was being heard. Are you and your husband seeking counseling? It took my husband a while to agree to that, but when he realized we were getting no where on our own, and it was detrimental to our relationship and health he finally agreed. Many times it takes a 3rd party to help mediate and give an opportunity for each party to share what is going on, without interjecting.
Here are other resources that were also helpful for us. One is United Marriage Encounter. bit.ly/2SchJrb They focus on communication through dialogue questions and then do a 10 and 10. bit.ly/2Bav3CK 10 minutes to respond through writing, 10 minutes to read what each other wrote, reflect, and dialogue. It helps avoid the immediate response which often causes fights because there is no time to think and reflex. It also opens opportunities to be empathetic to the other person in the relationship. So often we are ready for a fight because that is the pattern of behavior we are used to. Now is the time to be willing to end that pattern of behavior and establish a new and healthy one.
The other resource is a video session that you can watch in full or in 20 minute segments. We did it in 20 minute segments. It is called Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage - Tale of Two Brains - bit.ly/2UrFNnr. It is great to watch together, and learn about our differences. You also learn the best way to diffuse anger is with humor.
I will be praying for you. I know how hard marriage can be. Try to not take things too seriously. I have learned through pray and my relationship, that life can be good, it is our choice to make it that way. I am happy to chat anytime. With all my love and lots of Hugs!!!
Great thanks for the info. We’ve been to counseling. Thanks I will say s prayer for us too.
Starlight, star bright. Oh, do I know all too well of what you’re going through. You don’t think he would harm you physically, do you? I used to lock myself in my bedroom or bathroom to get away from my abusive ex boyfriend for hours & then everything would be fine. It isn’t. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m mad now for you. I love you & I am sending you so many peaceful hugs. Stay strong please & take care of yourself. Xoxoxoxo
Thank you so! I’m remaining strong, strong and sad. Sorry you went through an abusive relationship. Yeah this relationship needs to be worked on together. No I don’t think he will become abusive physically. When we fight I like my own time to cool and think of some plans, and connect with support people like you and I think through logically the views and truths of circumstances and wait for next step should we find ourselves talking. He likes to retreat into himself and I don’t know what he does or thinks.
I think that’s actually really amazing that you tend to take some time to collect yourself logically. When I’m having issues with my partner, I tend to cry & try to force him to talk to me until he leaves, which is why he’s still gone right now & doesn’t think we need to live together. I think that you’re doing really well, but I’m concerned with how mad you were at him that you were venting the things you said. Do you really feel like that or were you just saying things you don’t mean when you’re angry? Does this happen often? I am just worried you’re in a toxic relationship. That isn’t helpful for you or your children, you know? I’m sure you know better than me. I’m just 27 & shouldn’t give advice. Just worried about you, dear. Xoxoxo
Oh I mean what I say and spoke truth ...sometimes before I do the stepping back I go after him if he disrespects me but we hardly ever fight...but lately we haven’t taken out time to catch up with things such as a misunderstanding and such, I think we both have some things bothering us in the relationship and we need to really talk it out I think we need to write down why we feel the way we do like why he said this or why I didn’t do that thing before the little turn into the big and I believe we can answer the questions truthfully but in this case he is being ridiculous because he will not admit a truth which he says is a certain way which it isn’t. It’s the same old stuff we try but never fully problem solve well enough yet or maybe it is not a matter of solving the problem maybe it won’t be solved.
It sounds like you know what you you need to discuss with him. Just take your time & ease your mind. I understand completely on what you’re saying, but I am relieved to know that he doesn’t hurt you physically. That’s a big relief. I’m here if you need me, darling! Xoxoxo
😘
Starr, GOD knows it's been very difficult for you. Many say a person has to “fight fire with fire.” However, is this wise? If a small fire broke out in your house, would you douse it with oil or with cool water? Pouring oil on the fire would make matters worse, whereas dousing it with cool water would likely bring the desired result. Likewise, the Bible counsels us: “An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.” Consider the course of wisdom (Prov. 15:1, 18) Agape.
Thank you! 😊
My husband and I get into raging arguments sometimes. I think space is important. Maybe take the kids and go to a sisters house for a day or two. Relax. Then come home and then talk behind closed doors
Thanks
There's any place nearby where you can go? Read a book, drinkn tea....a cafe, a park, a bookstore. Just so you can take some time to yourself and distract your mind a little? I think this can be great. When I can I try to do that.
I hope everything get better soon.
Thank you
I just want to you to know that I will keep you in my prayers (along with everyone else on this site) this evening. I'm so sorry about this incident. You are a good person with a lot to deal with as it is, and you certainly didn't need this latest argument. Everybody here is right - just take some time to cool down, and let all that adrenaline leave your system. You'll start to see things more clearly then. You'll be more able to focus on what needs to be worked on together.
"Stuff" happens within families all the time. Sometimes it boils over, and we say things in great anger that we regret. I think it's just of part being human. Your post is several hours old, so I hope you have recovered emotionally by now. Take care.
Thank you soooo much.
My wife and I used to have bad arguments. We went to marriage counseling a fee times and we do much better now. I'm not sure what other advice to give but I hope your feeling better now.
Thank you Aaronm we have gone too but it’s been a long time
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