Hello, it’s been so long since the last time I posted something. The Covid pandemic has had me very down. I have had lots of ups and downs.
My relationship is almost over for my drinking problems. Last night I got to the point of literally kill myself when I was coming back home. I fell off on the street and I have lots of bruises on my hands but also on my nose, I don’t know if I broke it or not and I’m very scared of that. I am currently living in France and my bf lives in Ireland. I was gonna move there back in May but due the coronavirus I couldn’t and after that my bf and I started having lots of problems cos the distance and also because it passed 5 months to see each other again. We spent last month together but unfortunately I had to return to France.
The alcohol problem is becoming a huge problem because all the time I am drunk I’m a different person, I am mean with my bf and I say bad things to him. But all those bad things are the ones I have been saving on my mind for years. We talked this morning and he broke up with me, I don’t know if it serious or not because at the moment he is so angry with me. The thing is I feel so alone. And I have been feeling like this for months that the alcohol solves that. When I drink I don’t feel bad but obvs after the hungover is the worst, specially mentally it makes very anxious and depressed.
I have explained my bf this is no the life I want, I just want to settle down and start making a family with him but now he doesn’t believe me and he is not sure that he wants to be with me anymore. He says he doesn’t bother that I drink he only have been asking me to not get very hammer because I live alone at the moment and something can happen to me.
I have told him I’m really sorry, even tho this time I just saw myself on the mirror and I felt disgusted about myself for being in a such a bad state.
I want to save my relationship but probably my bf is not interested in me anymore. I feel so depressed. I miss my home in Ireland. And also I miss my family but they live far. Mom in mexico and sister and brother in Canada, so I cannot really count on anybody here in France because I have no many friends. I don’t know what to do but I’d love to die right now to stop with the suffering.
I feel very sad today, I hate Sundays. I don’t have a job at the moment. My laptop broke, I don’t even have a tv and I live in really small place. I feel very lockdown, I’ve explained to my bf that all that is making me get the alcohol thing, but he doesn’t understand me, he thinks I do it because I want to annoy him.
I hope someone can talk to me about this on this site
Vanessa
Written by
vanessi
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hey, I don't drink, but I'm ready to!!! I'm actually living with my family but I don't like any of them. They all make me angry. Lately, everything is making me angry. I can't seem to get a job or even be able to keep a damn job. I'm surviving on disability and I hate it, I hate my life. So I'm sorry for venting, I know you're going through a very rough time yourself or you probably would stay away from the alcohol. I don't understand how the whole world got into this state. I don't understand anything anymore, I have no friends and my family just puts up with me. I push people away. I was just texting someone I met on this sight, I bet she won't contact me anymore. I have a sister who's a total snob and she's upstairs gossiping with my crazy mom. I'm angry with everyone no one can handle me. I don't know what to tell you for advice. I'm sorry about you and your boyfriend splitting up. Life is just hell for everyone these days. I wish I was just alone in my own place rather than around my family that I hate. I used to have my own apartment but I lost it. Now I live in my family's basement with the spiders. I don't have a car anymore either. I feel like throwing things.
I’m sorry you are going to a bad time too. I feel the same that I’m angry with everybody, I’m angry with life too. And i know it hard that someone handle those kind of attitudes.
My bf or my ex is the one who supported me but now he doesn’t want to be with me cos I can’t control my emotions when I’m drinking.
Try to be strong, try to look for a job you like and get around positive people if it’s possible
Break ups are the worst so yes hopefully you are able to fix the relationship.
I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago bc he did something that really hurt me but I almost immediately regretted it. I realize I did it solely to make a point and that I didn’t really want us to be over.
Thankfully he took me back.. for a while it looked like he wasn’t going to be able to forgive me and that was the worst feeling everrrr.
I know the feeling, I guess I deserve it for behaving like that. He is being very cold at the moment. I really hope to fix this because I miss him and I don’t want to lose him for this thing.
We’ve had lots of ups and downs but all this is due the coronavirus that ruined our all our plans.
My bf works from home but his job is very demanding and sometimes he gets so moody.
He is the few ppl I have so I tell him everything but sometimes I feel he doesn’t know how to help me. I want to show him i want to be a better person and I will work for it
I’m sorry you’re getting hit with so many things at the same time. It might seem unbearable right now but it won’t last forever and besides, time heals all wounds. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing better going forward. Everything will be okay! 🌺
Thank you. I’m very sad cos I don’t want to lose my bf but he is tired of me. We were gonna settle down soon but cos the coronavirus I couldn’t move to Ireland and the lockdown started affecting my relationship on the very first place. I feel very disappointed with myself and I’m hopeless
My husband left me recently as well. It’s been lonely and I’m afraid of losing him forever. My hope is that we will get back together..but it’s been months so I’m not sure. However, I’m getting stronger with the more time that passes and I’m getting less afraid of being alone. Maybe your bf will give you another chance if he sees you’re not drinking anymore? You could even use your liquor money to buy a tv....that will help pass the time. See how things play out with your bf. Focus on yourself and get stronger. If your bf keeps in touch with you, he might see that you’re doing better and maybe give the relationship another try. Either way, you need to do better for yourself and get stronger so you can handle whatever comes your way. I hope good things will happen for you! I can’t wait for this coronavirus to be over!
Thank you for your reply. Well he is being a bit tough, he is already tired of me with the drinking thing. I don’t know where this is gonna lead us. The other problem also is we are not living in the same country at the moment and the distance is affecting us. We sometimes argue for stupid things that can be solved in 2 minutes if we were together.
You are right and I need to start looking after myself, I don’t like the person I’ve become. And I’m tired of the coronavirus too, it has led me to a depression since March. I was moving to Ireland in May to settle down with my bf but due the situation I couldn’t do it, and I’m still waiting to go there but it seems is not happening. I don’t want to lose my bf, he is the few ppl I have. I want to show him I want to change that but he says he doesn’t believe me and he is not sure about us anymore. That has had me very down all day
I really hope you and your husband can back together, it’s really hard to deal with a split. A good you are feeling better after that, but still hope you are with the person you love
One thing I’ve learned from my many break ups is that you need to give the other person time to miss you. Since you’ve already told your bf your intentions for doing better, wait for him to contact you...and if he does, this is your chance to tell him how good your doing. If you have been working on yourself, it will show in your voice and your words. The balls in his court now. Hopefully, he will get in contact with you again. In the meantime, this is your time to get happy again.
He has been talking to me during the day. Since I started feeling very depressed cos the lockdown, he stays on the phone all night so I can feel he is next to me. He didn’t want to stay tonight but at the end he accepted and he is staying on the phone at the moment, he is sleeping but I know tomorrow is gonna be tough because he is gonna be still mad and he is working tomorrow so he will be very busy during morning and evening.
He was gonna come to see me but he says he won’t come. I called him earlier but we talked and then hung up, and 20 mins later I was thinking I was gonna leave him alone with his thoughts but he called me again, He has been telling me how wrong I am for behaving like that and he is totally right. I hope he comes on the weekend but it isn’t sure yet
Oh that’s good! All you can do is keep your word and hope he sees that. Don’t pressure him to do anything right now. Just give him time to get over being mad. If you push things, it might keep the anger going longer! I know because I’ve made that mistake too many times!
Yes I know. I know sometimes can be insisting but I will try to give him some space if I see he is still angry, and also I do actually have to start taking actions about the alcohol thing because this can ruin my relationship and I don’t want to lose him. The distance is not working either.
Also I think I’m gonna start posting here on the site, I don’t have many friends so I all the time I tell him how I feel but sometimes I think he gets stressed. His job is very demanding so sometimes he is not in mood. And sometimes he doesn’t know what to do to help me.
I use to do that too. I’d tell my husband too many things I was struggling with emotionally and he got tired of hearing it. It’s good to keep everything positive when you talk to your bf especially since he’s already stressed from his job. Show him how things are going to be from now on. It’s a good idea to vent on this website because you have a lot of listening ears and people who understand what you’re going through. Also, if you’re taking medication, it’s not safe to mix with alcohol. Mixing the two can make people drunk quicker and it’s also dangerous. I’m not saying you do that...just want to make sure you’re being safe.
I am no taking medication but I also I need to control that drinking thing. And I know there are lots of ears here so I’m gonna start doing it again. Thank you for the advice. I just need to show him with actions I do really want to change that.
I will try to look for some proper help but also I think I have to change my way of thinking and be more responsible with that. I’ve got to the point to actually hurt myself falling over, I had lots of bruises on my hands and my nose too. I can’t continue like that, I think it’s enough
What you are facing is hard enough under normal circumstances (I’ve been there earlier in my life), so I know with a pandemic raging you need all the encouragement you can get.
I will share what had worked for me. I saw a therapist (If money is an issue, some churches offer help, sometimes with retired civilian therapists). I wasn’t a heavy drinker so found after some therapy that apple juice was just as satisfying. A.A. meetings are surely more tailored to heavier habits.
Therapy taught me not to turn my anger inwardly on myself. I also felt acceptance for my feelings. That was by far the most helpful.
I personally would recommend hand writing your parents in hopes they write you back. This is because your parents won’t live forever, but if they do reply & you save their correspondence, you may really treasure their letters later on in your life.
My older sister told me when I wanted to call it quits “You can’t”. I am your Christian sister, please take those words “You can’t” to heart. Keep faith, pain does come to pass in time, I promise you. The only way through grief is through the pain.
Your biggest blessing is your health. Trying to drown your feelings in alcohol will drag out & prolong grief. Grief that you feel so alone, grief that the pandemic has made life so much more difficult in every respect. Please take care of your health, count this blessing. God Bless.
Thank you for sharing that. Definitely I need to change some stuff in my life that are not taking me a good place and that are causing me problems on my love life.
I will try to find some proper help but also I need to start taking actions and be responsible. I only hope my relationship doesn’t end, I do want to be a better person
I don’t see anything about Rehabilitation? That’s what you really Need. You’re Relationship is destracting and disfunctional is keeping You from getting the help that You need. I ended a 20 year relationship he’s an alcoholic who’s in denial and has Big time Anxiety, he’s controlling. I couldn’t take it anymore So stay away from the relationship and get Help then Maybe the relationship can be Saved? 😷🙏
My problem with the alcohol is once I drink I don’t stop till being very drunk. I don’t drink every day just during the weekends like way of socializing but once I’m drunk I start being mean and rude to my bf and he is tired of that. He is tired of me. I wish the relationship could be saved but he doesn’t want to listen.
I’m going through really bad times due coronavirus and it seems there is a problem after other. Distance is affecting too so I start drinking to not feel bad, but everything has gone out of control
My ex boyfriend behaved like that too when he would drink and Would say sexually offensive things in front of my kids. We argued quite a bit. Got tied of it. You still didn’t say anything about rehabilitation? Just cause you only drink weekdays doesn’t mean you don’t have a problem? That’s what alcoholics say to justify their drinking. So if you’re serious about saving the relationship he knows your doing that, he might willing to give it another chance?
I really hope he can give me another chance, I’m suffering because I love him so much and all this has been my fault. I’m very depressed today, I feel hopeless
Hey Vanessa. I hope your injuries aren't bad. I know how you feel . It's very hard now. I have no family and that is extremely hard for me. This may sound weird, but even though I moved from the Northeast to the Southeast of the United States, it is a VERY DIFFERENT CULTURE ( culture shock), I do not have a job or friends, and I feel very isolated sitting in my house all day. I actually looked this up for you, they do have AA in 🇫🇷 France (in English and in French). There you can talk to people about what's going on. Even if you think you don't have a problem, maybe you should consider going to be around people and talk to them. This may be a dumb question, but can you move back home or to Canada to be with family? Listen, you are LOVED AND WORTHY. Also, you're not a bad person. This is a terrible situation and you're doing the best you can. Anybody would feel the way you feel. I get angry. Being frustrated and irritable sometimes comes out as anger. I've been very frustrated. You're not alone.
Thanks for sharing that they also have it in English. My injuries are still a bit bad, and it is one the things I feel it is not a big deal, they are gonna get better with time, but I’m hurt inside.
I can’t go back to Montreal cos the borders are closed and in Mexico cases are a lot, the only reason why I’m staying in France at this stage is cos my bf, but I’m afraid of he not wanting to me be anymore. The only thing I want it’s back home in Ireland
You are going through so much! The first steps to solving any problem are admitting to the problem and seeking help! You are doing both!
There is HOPE! We can change! It takes time, effort, perseverance, and faith. AA and other twelve step programs are well-run, well- researched, and have provided guidance for many people to get better! Personally, I prefer a Christian-based program. Getting help for your drinking may help your relationship with your bf, too.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
How to get over a guy 
I don’t know what to do! 
How to deal w/abandonment anxiety in a new relationship? 
Dying inside
