Am i a good person

After a conversation with a very good friend who said they felt disrespected by me and that i made them feel like their feelings did not matter, i must have read those words over and over again. After apologizing multiple times , i find myself doubting the kind of person that i am and second guessing every word that im thinking, i have been pretty silent at work and at home afraid i might be hurting someone's feelings without even realizing it, i keep my replies short, i can't hurt no one's feelings if i keep my mouth shut. And if there's anyone on here that i might have offended in any way im sorry, that wasn't the intention. Again I apologize.

[Celtic27]

Hi Danielle Im sorry to here what you've got going on! I'm sorry but if the friend is as close as you say then she would open up to you a true friend is there for you no matter what with out conditions! Please try not to second guess any one your trying to interact with this will lead to anxiety! As far as I'm concerned you've always been a good friend that I can talk to with out being judge by you! Please learn to love your self from with in then the rest will happen as soon as you feel more sure in your self! Take care my friend all the best david 😊

[6ixtyon1 in reply to Celtic27]

I've been there, once in a while...it's usually not a stranger, or slight acquaintance...it's usually someone I'm very close to, or have known for a long time... If your friend could not be more specific, due to the heat of the moment, I hope that they cool off enough, later, to be more precise about what was "disrespectful."

I always try to listen in my head before I speak, but sometimes we all get tired, run out of time when communicating, or don't feel well; then, we sometimes fail to track in our ears how we really come across...

I know that inner cringing...but, I think with time you can get together, again, and mend the fence...you were a valuable friend...one bad day should not shoot all of that out of the water!

Blessings!

[Hidden in reply to 6ixtyon1]

My friend did explain i wish she would have told me sooner so that i could fix the issue but like always in the heat of the moment they blurted out everything that i did wrong. I have sincerely apologize for everything i did wrong or didn't know i was doing wrong and walked away

[Fatima_sh in reply to Hidden]

Wow your story sounds a lot like mine ! Apparently I was upsetting a friend of mine because I was being too blunt ... never had any bad intentions though, anyway long story short one day she sent me a long message expressing her feels and how she wants to have a “break” ... so we haven’t talked for months and now our friendship isn’t like how it used to be anymore.

Sometimes you’re not the problem, it’s just that people are too sensitive and take everything to heart.

[6ixtyon1 in reply to Hidden]

I just went through this, today, with a friend I'm trying to help from becoming homeless...boy, grateful one second, then offended the next. I get that her PTSD is causing problems in her life, but being clubbed over the head with it, while trying to be sympathetic and helpful to her, is not a solution. I don't know what I'm going to do...you did the right thing on your end...at least, on here, I don't get my ears boxed for trying to be kind...

[Hidden in reply to Celtic27]

Hi David thank you for the kind words like always im so greatful to have you as a friend, im trying not to second guess everything i say..im really trying, im still staying to myself and try to be less vocal for now

[Agora1]

Don't do that to yourself Danielle. I don't know what you're friend might have interpreted

but you are certainly the last person who would intentionally disrespect someone's feelings. By keeping silent, you are only hurting yourself as that thought keeps replaying

in your mind. It might have been a bad day for your friend and she unfortunately spoke

before thinking. I think you deserve an apology but if you don't get one, move on.

Life happens and it's not always the way we want it to be.

Take a few deep breaths. I know how it stung to hear that but it's the furthest thing

from the truth. Love, Agora xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

I wished she would have told me sooner what i was doing wrong not just tell me all my faults and mistakes in the heat of the moment, i have apologized for everything and things i don't even think were wrong.. coming from someone that is so important to me had me second guessing my being. Yes keeping quiet is wrong but sometimes in life one must be less vocal for the greater good. I don't want to say anything that's wrong or hurt anyone else without knowing.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

I feel as you do Danielle... that had to be very difficult hearing it as you did.

I hope you have had a chance to heal some from the hurtful comments. xx

[dore13]

I'm from Boston, we tend to be brash and sarcastic. It is just the type of ruff humor we grow up in. I realized that sometimes I hurt people's feelings and didn't mean to. So I actually would explain this is where I'm from and if I rub you the wrong way, tell me and I'll stop. I don't think you are a bad person, I think you are a product of your enviorment, like all of us! I wish you luck.

[Hidden in reply to dore13]

I just apologized, i didn't really say anything else, i said i was sorry and it wasn't intentional. And thank you

[GreyeyesXander]

Barely talking is a very bad idea especially for someone with anxiety, the less we talk the worse we get because we live in our minds, you apologized now time to move on, clean slate

[Hidden in reply to GreyeyesXander]

Talking is.. just not right now, no matter the consequences

[melbrown]

Hugs... I think it's hard sometimes to tell the tone of someone on the computer. Plus we are dealing with tough things on this site . And sometimes the person reading the reply can be extra sensitive in the moment... I've had those moments myself. If it's a friend, I try to tell myself that they aren't meaning to be mean or whatever. If I'm extra brave I ask for clarification . Danielle, Sunflower you are a sweetheart & good friend... I hope you & your friend work it out. Hugs.🧡🌻

[Hidden in reply to melbrown]

Thank you Mel 🌻🌻🌻🌻 I'm sending you lot of love sweetie

[melbrown in reply to Hidden]

oh 🥰 Love you 2 Hun. How are you doing? The rain has returned & both my husband & I are sick.😷 Hoping we're well enough to see "Us" this weekend.

[Hidden in reply to melbrown]

I agree with the first part you said.

[Orangeblossom85]

Danielle! I value truth. Sometimes that can be painful. We are people with as many attitudes as we have faces and colors. It’s obvious that between all that there is a lot of room for misunderstanding. Listen to others carefully, take the advice, see it and decide if this is something you should indeed change or improve. Don’t take the guilt. Just hear them out. Beside what they say literally there is this hidden type of message - maybe they are going through problems that they cannot articulate or became sensitive in subjects they struggle with. Think about it too.

I often hear that I hurt someone with my comment - and I hardly never speak ! I hardly never argue with people, correct them... never laugh about them. And still sometimes they take my “you look amazing” as a bad comment.

It’s a weird world!

From the other side though... your post worries me a bit. Sometimes feeling this guilt is an indication of some psychological pain growing inside you. There might be something growing in you... some kind of conflict, disagreement... struggle. Think about it too. Maybe you should dig the reason why actually these words of your friend made you think so much about them...

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Words have more power when it comes from someone that is important to you, i thought everything was perfect. Then something was bugging me i wanted to talk about it but then changed my mind and i told her goodnight and went to bed, woke up to a long list of every bad things i have ever done. I wish she would have told me sooner not just blurt everything out in one go.... maybe you're right about the psychological pain, i didn't explain myself or even tried to i just apologized and kept saying i was sorry, even in cases im not wrong i apologize idk.

[jkl5500]

I've had certain people in my life get "offended" by something I said, and I still can't figure out how they got offended by it! Sometimes you just can't win. But don't doubt yourself and retreat from life. That's not a good move. If this person is a close friend, then get to the bottom of what offended her, and work things out. This person should already know that you have a lot to deal with, and that you meant no offense.

[Hidden in reply to jkl5500]

This person is a close friend, i have listened to everything she said and i have apologized for every single one of them, for now im just staying in my little corner and overanalyze every word before they come out my mouth

[gfranklin12]

Love, I know how you are feeling!!! But like one or the earlier post stated, if they are a true friend, then they wouldn't react the way they did, and these feelings and emotions can cause unwanted anxiety and stress love. I just know you to be a kind, and loving person, who wants to help others😊😊😊!!!

[Hidden in reply to gfranklin12]

Thanks sweetie, i hope you're doing okay and remember im here for whatever 😚🌻🌻

[LovelySnow]

You're okay, danielle. 🌻🌻🌻

[Hidden in reply to LovelySnow]

🌻💛💛💛💛 sending you hugs babe

[OT16 in reply to LovelySnow]

Very much so DaniSunflower 🌻🌻🙃🐾💜

You are genuinely & authentically loved. I hope your friend can see & appreciate that, because I certainly do ! 🌞 (& Neck rubs to Spidey !) & I just called you from my new number & left you a message. Hugs & love to you. 💜

[marheart]

Make the necessary changes in yourself and let that person go out of your life.

[Hidden in reply to marheart]

Exactly what im doing, just keeping to myself for now

[Starrlight]

You are a very thoughtful caring person. You know someone close to me said something hurtful to me too and it’s hsrd to get it out of my head and I question myself... but please believe you are so thoughtful and caring. I won’t forget how you checked on me when I was having a hard time. Obviously you care and are a beautiful soul. Please believe it. Love you ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Hey love,i definitely can't get it out my head, my friend accepted my apologies, now I've taken a step backwards overthinking everything again.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

You are like me right now I am overthinking so much and I just can’t be around people much right now things are triggering a lot. I hope we both get through it soon. Love ya! Remember it always feels like more than it is. It’s okay.

[OT16 in reply to Starrlight]

AMEN !! 💜

[Hidden]

Sometimes the problem is with them....they took something wrong, context lost, or so many of the communication errors. All you can do is ask what made them feel so disrespected enough to feel this sick about it. I would bet it's more of a misunderstanding than anything...or maybe one of those agree to disagree things. If this person is truly your really good friend, I would hope they would find a way to make amends. Otherwise, I have done similar to you in just "shutting up" and being silent. Unfortunately, I find that it does no good. We can't get it off our chest, we drive ourselves bonkers trying to make a point, and then in the end...we talk anyway. So all that for nothing. Try to forgive yourself on this one and see what you can do to get your friendship back on path. I would hope that, if she's truly a very good friend, there is a good ending to this. Best of luck and hope all ends up okay, just don't feel stupid and keep quiet...it doesn't feel good and it never lasts

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for this, i have apologized and explained that it wasn't intentional, but for now im just going to step away

[Skipper48]

Hi and i feel the same way

[Hidden in reply to Skipper48]

Im sorry, i know it's hard

[kenster1]

of course you are Danielle.

[Hidden in reply to kenster1]

💛🌻 thank you

[Hidden]

Hi Danielle - it is a fault of the young or the very old , we often speak aloud without thinking. Those immediate thoughts might be taken amiss. I am so sorry this friend has upset you so now you have become reserved and lost your bounce and spontaneity.

A smile and a reassuring look can speak words without replying at length. If you feel your body language has changed too - so you feel tense and don't smile or have eye contact then this is not good for you. If you are not as friendly with the friend who criticised you-

you might believe your friend was speaking for the whole of her group of which you are part. She may be have been jealous of you, manipulating her private thoughts to exclude from you from your peer group which was not group criticism. Friends change and am sure you have a great personality, and am sure you will make more friends. I would shake this criticism off - and make sure you stay in contact with the other members of your group. You can't please everybody!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I stay to myself now, quieter at work i guess im still processing everything. You're right you can't please everyone, i have sincerely apologized and i closed the chapter and wish them well. In time maybe I'll smile at people again

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Smiling helps - well done.

[JEG325]

You are one of the sweetest, most awesome people on this forum! l have never heard you be anything but upbeat, positive & concerned about people. I think the problem lies with your friend! We need your positive voice on this forum. Danielle, you can talk to

me all you want. I'll listen no matter what! But, if you go silent, many wonderful people will miss all the upbeat, positive things you would say that would help them out! As a person displaced somewhat by a few loud negative voices on here, I can completely sympathize with you. But, you have to let your light shine for all to see!

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

💜💛🌻 thank you for the kind words hun

[Hidden]

Do not worry Danielle. People should not over talk anyway, but a good friend thought enough of you to tell you. Take it as a life lesson, correct what needs to be corrected and move on. It is difficult sometimes, you never know a person’s sore spots and we all have them. So do not worry.

[Hidden]

Hi Danielle.

I’m so sorry your friend made you feel that way...

I used to worry so much about what people thought of me and what I said and if I upset someone..it was awful. Especially around text messages , when some don’t reply for days ...I often felt I’d upset people and felt like you about not bothering...

Because people can be unkind and judging, etc i Now work on this basis;

..

as long as what I’ve said is said with good intentions, I cannot be responsible for how they interpret it or take it ....

It works for me ...

Sending good vibes and kind wishes your way 💕❤️🌺💕❤️🌺💕❤️🌺 xx

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

I agree Olivia xx

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

I also agree, O40. You and A1 are 2 more awesome people!

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

Thank you Jeg 😊

[Rob7]

It’s always a good idea to be aware of what you say and do and to try to be loving and understanding. However don’t close yourself down out of fear. If someone feels disrespected by you - ask them to explain how. Try to listen and understand their point of view. Just be honest with them and do your best but always be yourself. You can’t live your life worried about what other people think all the time. If people can’t respect or love you for being you then move on - life is too short to waste time on that. God bless.

[Celtic27]

Hi Danielle please don't stop being you, you are such a kind and helpful person it would be a waste for you to regress just to suit others I know the help you've given me over my time on here! ((((((((HUGS)))))))))

[gerrerd]

If someone gets affended, it's them that has the problem not you. Just be nice and other people's opinions belong to them not you. Petal.

[77Horse]

Hello Danielle

Firstly what ever has happened with your friend after saying sorry there is not much you can do other than prove your sorry by re building the friendship small things like going out or just talking again. Move on from it what happened yesterday has gone and we cannot change that . Think today one positive thing you can focus on and work on that. If you want to change you its start at looking at what you are not happy with and working on that .

Best wishes

[Starrlight]

How are you doing? Love ❤️ to you.

[Hidden]

I can honestly say no because of being rude.

[LiveandLetLive42]

Danielle you are AWESOME and one of the nicest people I know on here. Remember that some people are just very sensitive. I was actually just on the other end with a friend of mine. I thought what she did was a little disrespectful and when I addressed it, she was SO apologetic. She said she had NO idea it came across that way. I feel bad because like me, she is probably obsessing about it. It's what we do though right? We obsess over these things. But, you are a good person and a good friend. We love you girl <3