I have a tendency to believe I dont deserve anything good but I want to try do whats right for myself anyway

...Im just finding this so difficult right now. Im sorry if this seems like Im burdening anyone. I really dont mean to but I dont know how to handle what Im feeling and I dont know how to begin expressing myself to anyone.... I just really dont feel I deserve anything good for myself . I can feel guilty for even trying to look after myself. Ive just collapsed recently over the past few days and Im finding it hard to look after myself. Its hard for me to do anything good for myself and Ive struggled to function these past few days. It got triggered the other day when a friend mentioned publically how he and others all were enjoying quizes regularly over zoom. I wasnt invited and I felt so hurt and ignored. I didnt mind not being invited to be honest as I understand thats the host's choice but I felt like my feelings didnt matter when he just mentioned it publically like that. I think I can be really sensitive to feeling blatantly left out and that I dont matter because of all the time I spent on my own since I was a toddler left with my dad while many of my 'family' just ignored me and never visited me. It was just me and my dad. I genuinely struggle looking after myself and doing good things for myself in general but I was doing well to push myself up to then. That pushed me over the edge and I felt worthless. I understand that the issue is more mine and for that reason I dont have any hard feelings. At heart the problem is mine. I genuinely find it hard to feel like I deserve to look after myself. This little scenario I experienced was just a reflection of an inner problem I would have anyway. I need to deal with this. The truth is the only reason I try is because of my faith otherwise I would just give in. I respect others dont always share my belief but I really believe we are created and that implies that my creator wants me to live according to His plan otherwise there would be little point in all this life we have been given. That makes me try, knowing I have something bigger beyond my own self worth to aim for. But it really doesnt come naturally to me to do nice things for myself. I have to force myself and I find it really hard. Ive just collapsed recently and I want to get out of this.

[hurtingheart1]

Oh I’m sooo glad to see you in here again- have really missed you!!!!😆💞💞💞💞💞((((((((((hugs to you))))))))))))) you have no idea how much I relate to what you mentioned here!! I really want to be there for you & help you feel cared for & that you do matter sooo very much!!!

[Hidden in reply to hurtingheart1]

Thank you 😊

[Mr4891 in reply to hurtingheart1]

This is a part of your process! The beginning is always harder than the end. However you made a statement that ensures me and yourself that you will be ok. FAITH!!!!! It’s the strongest thing I believe we have as humans other than love. Your doing exactly what you suppose to. Keep letting Faith guide you to where you need to be! Stay strong!

[hurtingheart1 in reply to Mr4891]

Totally agree!!!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼Not easy 😂

[Hidden]

Your faith is beautiful and so important. Yes keep caring for yourself because we are all here for a purpose 🙏🙂

“The most beautiful act of faith is the one made in darkness, with sacrifice, and with extreme effort. “

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Beautifully said Phil xx

[Agora1]

Cuddly-bear, as insensitive as it was for your friend to mention publicly about something you weren't invited to, you can't have this bring you down. Some people just don't get

what we're all about. We wear our hearts on our sleeve. Words can hurt deeply for us.

We want to liked and accepted in the circle of family and friends. However, life doesn't

always work out that way.

Working on "loving yourself" first helps. Taking what others say with a grain of salt.

We cannot control their thoughts or actions but we can and must learn how to react

to the hurtful things in life by not getting beaten down.

I am sorry that you had this experience as a young child. I'm sure it made a deep pain

that you've never really let go of. And so you feel unworthy of happiness as an adult

which isn't true.

You deserve the best life has to offer. There's a reason you are here in this place, at this time of life. You must learn to believe in yourself. For you, in believing in a higher power that you will find the guidance you need to reach your goal. Check out some Affirmations

on YouTube which will help build the strength and confidence we all need to get through

our deepest pain. I'm glad you are here with us. This is your safe place to come, no put downs, no judgment, only understanding and love for one another. Take care xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very much 😊

[froggymom88]

I too am a person of faith. You are correct to believe that God wants good things for you and for you to take care of yourself. You can't help others unless you first take care of you. Do you have a church you belong to? Pray and focus on God and let Him lead you in the path He has planned for you. I will be praying for you too.

[Iammesues]

When people are more intelligent and intuitive than others, people understand you see them for who they are, and so you may not be invited. It’s probable your just too good for them and they know it... but do you know it?