Am I a person still?

[Kat63]

I lost my job 6 weeks ago, and yesterday I had to have a phone interview to determine if I’m eligible for unemployment. The reason the employer gave was “due to declining performance.” They said during this interview that I failed to turn in a requested self-evaluation back in June, but I believe I did turn in something to HR back at that time. They also said there was a conversation between me, the supervisor and HR; but that isn’t how I remember it. There was a verbal conversation with my supervisor, but HR was not present.

Anyway, I feel terrible, and I’m going crazy applying for every job I see that I could remotely qualify for. My anxiety is usually pretty bad, and some days I have panic attacks.

I’m scared that I’ll never find a job again - I’m 55.

I’m planning to move back in with my boyfriend - we’ve known each other 17 years, lived together 10 years, then 4 years ago had problems and I moved out. We have agreed to try to work the relationship out. I’m scared about this, too. What if he changes his mind?

If all else fails, I can probably move in with my father. But he lives out of state 650 miles away, in a place where I don’t fit in; I don’t know anyone else there, and all my friends are here in my current state.

What if this goes on and on and I never find a job, am forced to move in with my father and become an old lady living in a place that feels scary to me?

[Hidden]

You should try a hiring agency that might help or post your resume on glassdoor

[Hidden]

I think that’s your anxiety causing you to think of the worst situation possible. When will you hear back about the unemployment decision? You could even consult a lawyer because this sounds like a wrongful termination based on your age. Don’t make any big changes just yet. Wait until you hear back from unemployment first and then figure out a next step

[ConveyingHope]

You are definitely still a person! You are NOT your job -- though most of us identify SO strongly with our job, employer, profession, career, etc. Please use this unemployed time to REMEMBER that you are a wholly and completely authentic being, even when you don't have a job.

Also, I agree with @lynnalice that you might have an age-discrimination case here. Please google "free EEOC consultation" to find a lawyer who will listen to your details and tell you whether or not you were discharged unlawfully. (usually needs to be a lawyer in your state)

[sadnab]

First breathe; it won't go on and on. I lost my job when I turned 49; I had worked in healthcare billing; then my house burned down, then I got breast cancer, then I split from my partner after 9 years and lost my house. So trust me, you will get another job, find another place to live, and move on. Be careful with the Employment office; employer needs to prove you were negligent in your job performance. I once lost a job because, "I wasn't a good fit". That was not just cause for termination. When I was working a few years ago, the company was going to terminate me because I wasn't making my quota. I was keeping track on my own and I had made their quota; my supervisor hadn't taken into consideration that I had taken 3 days vacation during that pay period. Sounds like someone didn't like you at the job, had a friend that needed a job, or you were older than the other employees. All of these issues will cause a supervisor to let you go, doesn't mean your not a good employee and an asset to the company. Try to apply to jobs that you would really want, not just anything. If you take a job you don't want, you will still have to look for a job you want, and work at the same time. I'm working full time, and I'm now 62. It isn't my dream job, but it pays my rent. I work with a friend at a small HOA, and we are both afraid they are going to try and replace us because of our age. I'm keeping a log, if anyone says anything about my health or age I log it on my computer. It age discrimination. If you do move in with your boyfriend, try to take it slow; keep yourself immersed in your job search and depression/anxiety management for your own health. Sometimes when we live with someone because of financial problems, it just makes both parties stressed and unhappy. If you really need to stay with someone while you find another job, be honest with your boyfriend, take it slow. He may feel obligated to help you because of your job loss. You have to be healthy to have a healthy relationship, this is what I hear in my group sessions. Can't afford Health Insurance at this time, so that's why I joined this online support group. I hope some of this helps, just know you aren't alone. Many of us older adults are in the work force now, hang in there. Before I worked at this job, I was hired by a large HMO processing medical claims. I do have a background in this field, but I was so surprised that most of the staff in my dept. was over 40. Good luck.

[Kat63 in reply to sadnab]

Thank you so much, sadnab. You really helped.

[Lightattheend]

Yes you are still a person. I understand that sometimes when things happen in our lives we sometimes feel this way, and from the way you were let go it's understandable. Although it may seem hard right now (anxiety doesn't make it any better), try to turn your "what if's" into positive ones. What if your boyfriend doesn't change his mind? What if this time around you guys took it further and married? What if you do find a job and it's better then the one you had before and you're appreciated? I'm really wishing the best for you.

[Kat63 in reply to Lightattheend]

Thank you. What if things get better, not worse? Yes....