Life is unfair

[Raiinbow08]

I do not have custody of my first child. I am consistently trying to be in his life be there for him and I am always shot down. Before you judge the situation know that he was taken from me by his grandmother. I do not like to speak of this but I am at my end with this situation. A situation that has been going on for years now. A situation which I believe since it happened has highly increased my anxiety and depression. I have dealt with anxiety and depression for a long time but feel that this situation had a major impact on that. And no he was not taken from me because of something I did. He was taken from me by my mom.

[Lostnluv]

So sorry for your situation. I can’t imagine how you feel not having your son by your side. Were you a minor when she did this ? Fight and never give up your son will see that you love and want him. Most states have a age at which the child can voice their opinion of where they want to live. Stay strong and don’t give up

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Lostnluv]

He is 7 years old I feel hopeless at this point because he was taken from me when he was 18 months old so he has always been with her.

I have always been in his life. Have stayed in contact with him. I see him so much I am very involved in his life. I just want to know if I should get a lawyer at this point. I just don’t see me winning the case though. I want to have hope for my son.

[Hidden in reply to Raiinbow08]

Rainbow

Sorry for this problem you have. However I cannot understand the reasons or way the child was taken from you.

As a Parent you have the right to have and look after your Child. No-one has any reason to take the child away from you or your care. Although if something happened around both the State or you may have given permission for family to look after Your Boy, especially is you were either to young to look after him or you were not managing the child and His upkeep, unable to handle for any reason His upkeep.

How old were you when you had the Child, where is the Father ?

BOB

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Hidden]

The father is not involved in his life at all. Since he was like 2 months old. And he was taken from me at age 21

[Hidden in reply to Raiinbow08]

Rainbow

Why was the child taken of you was it a Social Services decision or was it your decision, been unable to look after the child.

In the UK no-one can take a child away from parents, or Mother, even family, You have writes to be with your child. Kidnapped, or was this problem Your decision.

Is this problem Racial in origin. ??

BOB

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Hidden]

In the US ... I feel as I have been judged for a long time and have been paying for this error since. But yes here in the US kids are taken by state or grandparents or other family members.

[Hidden in reply to Raiinbow08]

What were the reasons your family had to take up the upkeep of your Child ?

Was this a Court or Social Service decision ?.

What happened when the Child was born, they or some organisation must have had a good reason to hand over the upkeep of your Child ?

You are twenty one now so you must have been fourteen/fifteen when the child was born ? If that is the case could the problem be if the child left your Grandmother that could cause disruption in the boy and His schooling etc ?

BOB

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Hidden]

I am 27 now he is 7 years old was taken from me when he was just 18 months old and I was going to be 22 years old

[Hidden in reply to Raiinbow08]

Did the Court place him with relatives ?

Did you sign over the Child ?

BOB

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Hidden]

Yes temporary custody but it has been so long

[Hidden in reply to Raiinbow08]

Rainbow

We all make errors in our life, sad to say as we get older what we did then never seems to still live in the past, many people including our families can prefer not to forget those actions and use them to placate their feelings caused by us those many years ago. Social Teams write things down and when they retire or change jobs attitudes and thoughts remain in writing and those reports can be brought out and aired once more.

You are in a hard place at this time and you are in the midst of not knowing what is best for you and Child. Consider the years past and what caused the problem in the first instance, consider the child and what is now best in the circumstances three of you find yourself in. Is A Disruption of your child life the right way to go. You are seeing your Son and that is a good thing.

Personally I do understand how you feel especially when you wish to fight for the child return. The costs of litigation could affect your life and that of family members, if anything like the UK, litigation is expensive and always seems to cost more than the original quote.

Your Son is getting older now and son will be able to make His own decisions if He wishes to be with you or relative, it ma be the best idea to wait and see what comes about, then you can move on together.

Life is cruel and sorry to say you have been thrown a no ball here and other things need to be taken into consideration.

I wish you well

BOB

[Lostnluv]

In my opinion you should get a lawyer if she’s not going to willingly give him to you. If she has court papers stating she has custody then when you go in they are going to look at if you have a job and a stable home and if you’re in the same school district of the school he has been established in already. Depending the judge they may even want to talk to your son in the judges chamber just to see how he’s feeling.

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Lostnluv]

Thank you so much! I have looked for lawyers but in this area it’s hard. I have read reviews of lawyers who just waste your time. They take the case for the money knowing from the beginning they have little chance or no chance at all of winning the case for you.

I just don’t want to waste time or money. My son is worth it I know. But also I have read reviews and have only found one lawyer that might be able to help me in this area, just scared of taking my chances. Fighting back for custody costs money.

[Hidden in reply to Raiinbow08]

We got custody of my husband's son very easily and in the state I'm in, it's hard. I only spent $1000. Pm me if you to know if by chance we are in the same area.

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Hidden]

Will do!

[Tech4hokies in reply to Raiinbow08]

If you have corrected the reasons they had to take him, I would think you would have a shot, here in VA, they like to put child back with mother. Even if you have to go to bigger City near you, it would need worth it in my opinion best luck!!!

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Tech4hokies]

Thank you!

[Tech4hokies in reply to Raiinbow08]

Your welcome!

[Sunnidayz1]

Hi. This site is a no judgement zone

Speak freely..We are all here to help & share.

I think you should wait until you have a good case to get full custody back. Everytime you go for custody it's money so wait it out until you are confident enough that you'll win. Im sorry you are going through this. The positive side is that your son is still in your life.

Be positive and push forward & work on yourself, for you & your child.

Life is unfair. Theres ups and downs in life.

Focus on the postive and be grateful for what you do have. This positive energy and hope will bring more postive outcomes in your life. If u focus on the bad, more bad will come.

I hope this helps.

Xx Sunni

[Raiinbow08]

I also want to state that I have never had a drug or drinking problem. I have always been a goody two shoe. I just made a wrong decision in a point of my life which I have always regretted. I have always been fighting for him. I have never given up on him.

I just don’t understand how people who are drug addicts or alcoholics can win their kids back but I have been put through so much off something that I had nothing to do with.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Raiinbow08]

It sounds like your family just doesnt cut you any slack. If you get good lawyers who specialize in this and you have a good case to defend yourself then u will win. It takes the right support and a lot of money to win.

That's how it works.

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Thank you! Yes I’m expecting anywhere from $3000-$6000!

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Raiinbow08]

Just get all your ducks in a row 1st. Get your life together. Dont impulsively do this bc you want him back so badly.

I know it's hard but you gotta really be mature about this or else you will waste your money.

[AuntBee]

Raiinbow, what a difficult and painful situation. I worked as a paralegal in family law for 13 years in Illinois. The court’s job is to identify and adhere to “the best interest of the child”. You would indeed have a difficult case at this point especially if there is a custody order in place because to get him back you would have to prove yourself, unlike the alcoholic whose child was never taken. Do you think your grandma would comprise by allowing you to have him overnight on weekends or a few weeks at a time during the summer? Also if grandma is gonna dig in her heels and fight you, the figure of $6,000 is on the low side.

[Raiinbow08 in reply to AuntBee]

Thank you, no this is not an option for her! Unfortunately it is very difficult to deal with her! Like we get along and everything but when it comes to him she never even tries to give me the opportunity, mostly the reason why I am trying to seek lawyer. I hate going down this road with her, but it is the only way. Our relationship as mother and daughter is already bad I have really no contact with her unless it’s about my child. This has been because of family issues recently that have caused her and I to stop speaking or having a relationship. Like I said we only speak on things regarding my child.

[AZ1970]

Did your mom adopt your son, or does she just have guardianship? As long as you have a job, housing and are not involved in something that would harm your son, you should get him back. Have you remedied the issue that caused him to be removed from you?

[Raiinbow08 in reply to AZ1970]

Yes it is like guardianship or temporary custody in the beginning and now I don’t know what it could be bc it has been so long!

[AuntBee in reply to Raiinbow08]

Raiinbow, you need to know. Go to the court house and ask how you can get a copy of all the court orders that have been entered on your case.

[Raiinbow08 in reply to AuntBee]

Yes I went to social services a while back and they told me. It is a court matter now. It is no longer a case for social services. As the case was closed. Now we both have to get lawyers and go to court and fight. I hate to put her in that situation, I hate it for my son. I don’t want him to feel like we are fighting over him. He deserves both of our love. His grandmothers love and his mothers love as well.

[Raiinbow08 in reply to AuntBee]

Like I said I have been dealing with this for so long. I have struggled with should I take her to court. I truly don’t want to go down this road with her. But she has no sympathy for me in this situation and I have all too much sympathy for her. Truth is I have always been more worried about my moms feelings and what it could do to our relationship, if I ever went through with this. Which has always held me back from taking this to court. I’m scared that she will completely cut me off for trying to fight her back for my son through court. As she has told me before if you take me to court and win him back, you as a daughter will be dead to me. Those words hurt too.

[Tech4hokies]

I'm so sorry, I can relate a little bit. But I let my ex keep the kids, he lived at mom's and made more money, is not fighting Is what the kids needed. Then when they got to be pre-teens things were getting bad at the house, and I went for custody, and lost. One year later, I filed again and won. So for 11 years, he had them. At one point, he had turned them against me. I was able to correct that thankfully. May I ask how old he is?

Definitely a reason for stress and anxiety, I can't imagine, super soft hugs!!

💜🙂

[Raiinbow08 in reply to Tech4hokies]

He is seven years old. He was taken at 18 months. I am not proud to speak of this but the truth is he was taken from me because when he was 18 months old, I met someone else. This person would watch my child as I went to work in the afternoon. We were living together. I am not proud to say this but this person was my boyfriend at the time, and one day he spanked him and left a mark on him, so my mom called social services and just like that cops were involved, social services were involved and he was taken from me, instantly. I was so young 21. And it hit me very hard. Like stated before this was something that affected my depression. I felt dead inside when that happened. I would cry. I am 27 now I have actively been in his life for EVERYTHING.

What i am not so proud of is I stayed with this person. We have taken parenting classes. We have an almost 4 year old, together. I just want my son back. I am not proud to admit this. I feel ashamed. We had to go to court. I was charged with misdemeanor resisting a public officer. My now husband was charged with child abuse.

I lost my son over something that I did not do or that I was aware of. I am angry because it is unfair. My life has changed so much I just want him to live with me and have a life with his younger brother. We are not perfect. No one is. It’s hard for me to talk about this. But my mother is hard to deal with and no one understands.

Wether I do the bestest that I can nothing will ever be good enough in her eyes. She has condemned me for an error of judgment a mistake. She has never forgiven me and it affects my relationship with my child. She will not let me remedy the situation but it’s like this if I don’t try she still calls me a bad mother. Like I said whatever I do I’m screwed because I just can’t win with her. If im to involved she shuts me down. But she is also the type to ask me for a favor let’s say an example... last minute she asks me to let’s say do something for the child, If i say I can’t because i have something else to do, or something that I already had planned she gets upset and calls me a bad mother. It’s so much that like I said I can no longer deal with it. It’s been going on for years.

[writingforjoy]

I am so sorry you are hurting and dealing with anxiety and depression through all this. I understand the frustration that past decisions have left you feeling unsure of what to do. You say you are quite involved in his life. At 7 can you say he is happy, healthy and thriving the way things are now? Are you wanting to take him back, or are you wanting to heal over him being taken from you?

I think first and foremost you need to be healthy for you. Have you seen someone for anxiety and depression? Maybe a counselor that could also give insight into the next steps considering your son and what is healthiest at this point for his development. They may even have insights on the how if you are interested in seeking to raise him again.

Maybe even family counseling with your mom may help.

I pray that you find peace in this situation. I am so thankful your family was able to step in so that you didn't lose that connection all together with your son. It is so good you have been able to maintain a good relationship. Build from there and keep seeking your child's best. The answers will come.

[Raiinbow08 in reply to writingforjoy]

Family therapy is an option but not with my mom. She says I will never take him from her. I have already talked to my doctor about the depression and anxiety and was prescribed some medicine. And I’m looking to get him back no one truly ever heals from a child being taken away from them. I want and need him in my life as well as his brother. We want to be able to do the things that his brother gets to do. He is at an age where he questions things. I feel like if he lived with us and shared a life with us he would get to be a part of that. He understands things to a certain point. I thought my mom would give him back to me. But she has not and made it clear she will never. So my options now are to fight back and try to get him back. Like I stated previously I don’t want to go down this path with my own mother but she has given me no option. We just want him in our life. He gets to spend time and stay at other peoples houses except for mine and I am his mother. I want to fight for that to change. I don’t want to rip him away from what he knows. I am patient, and I am willing to wait out the process as long as I know that I can get him back one day, and that he will live with us. I want what is best for him.

[writingforjoy in reply to Raiinbow08]

I would think you as his mother has that right. Definitely find some legal representation.