Is this real life?

[Katzenjammer82]

My anxiety and depression are ruining my life. It controls my very existence to the point where I feel suicide is the only way I take control back. Even if it is final. I just don’t know how much more I can continue on like this.

I’ve been to therapy in the past and it didn’t help. I tried several times with different doctors and it all seemed forced and fake. Most of them wanted to talk about my childhood. That may work for some, but not me. Talking about the past doesn’t help me in my present.

Others tried making jokes or making me feel like how I felt was ignorant for feeling the way I do. I felt like none of them really listened. I was just another hour/ another client.

I’ve tried medication in the past. So many different kinds. Nothing would help and I was starting to feel like a lab rat. I understand that it takes time and it basically is a guessing game with mental health meds, but a person can only take so much. It’s also very difficult for me to swallow pills. I try to tell the doctors this, but it mostly goes unheard.

And I was once hospitalized for a week in the mental health ward. To me I felt as if I were being punished for my anxiety and depression. The nurses were so mean and the doctor wouldn’t even look at me when talking.

My anxiety and depression are not only ruining my life, but my fiancé’s life as well. (His words, not mine.)

He’s been very supportive, but people can only take so much. I don’t blame him for losing his patience with me. Anxiety and depression makes me extremely selfish, cold, and distant.

Sometimes it leads to disassociation, panic, and extreme paranoia. But that’s a whole other topic.

[Anxiousjy]

Hi, have you been diagnosed with other mental illness besides anxiety and depression?

[BigBlue24]

I can only tell you what has worked for me in the past. People like us may never be "cured", but if you keep searching and continue being courageous in the face of this stuff then life can become manageable and enjoyable. I convinced that no one single treatment works for all of us. Each of us requires different things. The BIGGEST thing that has helped me get through my times of intense anxiety were talking to people who suffer just as I do. Not to sound cliche, but knowing you are not alone in the way that your feeling always seems to give me a sense of peace. Another thing that helped me a lot was enrolling in fitness programs or yoga after work. Yes the exercise is great and has proven to help, but I did not do it for that. I did it because I wanted to eat up time that I would have otherwise spent sitting by myself at home worrying myself. There is an old saying, "Idle hands are the devils playground". Well I think they should change that saying for us, and change it to "Idle minds are the devils playgrounds". When people like us are left alone to our thoughts we tend to let them run wild on us and control us. What is a fleeting worry for the average human is a debilitating concern to us. Also as a side benefit once I enrolled in some of these after work activities, I met people I never would have met and started to socialize more often. Hang in there and find ways to occupy your mind.

[Vonnah in reply to BigBlue24]

That was very inspiring! I wish.....i could workout and lose weight and be more confident in myself. Ugh😔

[Vonnah]

I'm here for you❤ please don't give up. There will be days to come when you will feel a little better. I understand and can relate completely. I feel like that too. It can feel very dominant over our lives. I feel the same about the medicines.

Have you ever tried seeing a psychiatrist? Maybe they can help give you a better suiting medication.

Your partner has to learn patience. And empathy. It's difficult living with depression and anxiety and people won't ever understand unless they deal with it themselves. I hope things get better. Please don't take your own life. I know it's hard and dang i feel like taking my own life would be better too but i don't know we both just keep going right? We are stronger than we think. So don't give up.

You can private chat me on here anytime you need someone to talk to. I'm always on this site. Please reach out when you need help. Things will get better.

And i know you may not wanna hear it but maybe opening up about your past, no matter how traumatic, it can do more good than bad. Also try switching your doctor and therapist because sometimes you have to find the right ones for you too! 😘❤

[tashalyn]

It is so relieving to think death is the answer isn’t it? But nobody knows what’s on the other side; what if it was a trap? Death can’t be the answer. Trust me every single day I struggle with suicidal ideation trust me I know how that feels. As for therapist I reached a point where I feel minimum benefit from them. Medications have always been a good tool for me, but this time in this relapse I had to be an experimental rat as you said, to the point I was like stop, am just going to stick to the current regimen. Yes just like you my husband does feel a burden, but put all that aside, somewhere deep inside this troubled dark crazy desperate depressed anxious me there is this tiny voice that wants to live. I am sure you have it too, hang on to it, take everything in life one day at a time - that’s how we can function any other way will set you in explosive panic- and on days when it is specially hard take it one hour at a time. You aren’t required to do much: you just stay alive.

[Alena666]

the same here,severe panic anxiety attacks is killing my brain and body,only any benzo helps,but where to get some???street dealers?I was testing guinea pig,nothing helps...what to do??thinking bout suicide,can't live like so...