My anxiety and depression are ruining my life. It controls my very existence to the point where I feel suicide is the only way I take control back. Even if it is final. I just don’t know how much more I can continue on like this.
I’ve been to therapy in the past and it didn’t help. I tried several times with different doctors and it all seemed forced and fake. Most of them wanted to talk about my childhood. That may work for some, but not me. Talking about the past doesn’t help me in my present.
Others tried making jokes or making me feel like how I felt was ignorant for feeling the way I do. I felt like none of them really listened. I was just another hour/ another client.
I’ve tried medication in the past. So many different kinds. Nothing would help and I was starting to feel like a lab rat. I understand that it takes time and it basically is a guessing game with mental health meds, but a person can only take so much. It’s also very difficult for me to swallow pills. I try to tell the doctors this, but it mostly goes unheard.
And I was once hospitalized for a week in the mental health ward. To me I felt as if I were being punished for my anxiety and depression. The nurses were so mean and the doctor wouldn’t even look at me when talking.
My anxiety and depression are not only ruining my life, but my fiancé’s life as well. (His words, not mine.)
He’s been very supportive, but people can only take so much. I don’t blame him for losing his patience with me. Anxiety and depression makes me extremely selfish, cold, and distant.
Sometimes it leads to disassociation, panic, and extreme paranoia. But that’s a whole other topic.