My partner's sister is coming from America to stay with us for a week. We live in a 2-bed bungalow, one bedroom is made into my partner's office. The other bedroom is mine, I have all my things in there it is my sanctuary my safe place. My partner sleeps in the lounge in a rise & recliner chair because due to health issues, he can no longer sleep in a bed. I have a similar chair because I have arthritis and fibromyalgia. When his sister comes he has given her my bedroom, he did not discuss this with me just told her it would be fine and I would be able to sleep in my chair.
1, I don't know if I can sleep in my chair,
2, I am not happy about somebody else in my room.
Then he started telling me I needed to tidy my room and get rid of some stuff to make more room for his sister. I freaked out at this meltdown...
How much room does a person need? She can get in and out of bed, has room to dress and undress, a chair to sit in and a dresser to brush her hair and do anything else she needs. What more room does she need?
I am not happy but if I say anything we just end up arguing and I am made to feel selfish and just have a meltdown, I really am not looking forward to this visit to the extent that I have even thought of doing something to make sure I am not here when it happens.
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Bacaloca
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I would not like this at all. you don’t need to argue to make your feelings known.
why can’t she sleep in the chair? I agree with the others here, this is a situation where guests that visit should be put up in a hotel. if you aren’t set up for guests sleeping over then you aren’t.
I couldn’t sleep in a chair either. everything is so expensive these days I can’t imagine going abroad without knowing that accommodation was secure and I wasn’t putting anyone out. allowing someone to sleep in your partners bed without warning is actually legitimate grounds for not being happy.
I love quilts. how fun for your moms neighbors granddaughter! your home sounds like a dream come true.
You: ”hey, partner, I need to revisit the bedroom issue with you. Here’s the thing: I feel extremely uncomfortable giving up my bed and bedroom for the night. My bed is comfortable given my health issues, and my room is set up the way I like it. I understand that that’s not what you would prefer to hear. At this point, we can either make arrangements for her in a hotel, or I’ll be happy to help you set up a bed in the office.”
Your partner: ”How can you be so selfish?! You nitwit! You horrible you!”
You: ”If you cannot have this conversation without devolving into name calling then I will leave the room.”
Your partner: ”why should I have to rearrange my whole office when your room is right there all set up?!!”
You: ”I understand that this may be inconvenient for you. Would you like help setting up the office?”
Your partner: ”You’re the worst. You’re so unreasonable.”
You: ”I understand you don’t like these limits I have set on my belongings and sharing them. Please ask me before offering my space and my things so that this isn’t a problem next time, ok? ….ok then, I’m on my way to make a sandwich, ttyl.”
No, you are NOT unreasonable. Check out outofthefog.website for more help and examples on setting boundaries and how to know when they are appropriate. Best best best of luck!!
hello Bacaloca......interestingly i have two friends coming from America in 2 weeks time, and although i have the room they know i prefer them to stay in a hotel nearby, and this is what they do, i would suggest they do the same especially as they are aware you are pushed for room, in fact i think its rather inconsiderate of them.
You can buy a double blow up camping bed put it in the living room where your husband sleeps ... and he and his sister will be company for each other and you can stay in your own bedroom....job done!🤗
I totally agree with the other folks that have posted here, you’re certainly not being unreasonable. We have a single camp bed and when anyone stays they sleep on that in my husband’s office as we don’t have a spare room and I have health issues so couldn’t sleep elsewhere xx
I have a riser recliner. One night my partner pushed me out of bed. My GP said nobody should have to sleep in a chair. If you have room for it, might I suggest a click-clack sofa bed for guests or for you when you have guests.
Your situation is far from ideal; we have no room to put anyone up and if we did, it would only be on a sofa bed (click-clack) in the living room. We are in a two bed cottage but the second bedroom is now a study and you can't move in there. I would feel very put out by your partner's attitude, especially with the demands he is making on you, when you probably can't do much more than a bit of tidying.
I really don't blame you for not wanting in your room it's not respecting your boundaries and you need to speak up . You should have to be compromised for a guest in your home . Can't she stay in a hotel
You are not being unfair at all. He should have discussed with you first. I hope he can reconsider and get an alternative accomodations for his sister.
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xx
Is anyone there to talk to? I need help.
I am getting worse
I don’t know what to do anymore
I am a big jerk
