How much time?

[HisAngel]

So, it's been several days (4) since the unfortunate incident where I completely lost it during one of my beau's anxiety episodes. He barely says anything to me, and it seems forced. I've apologized, told him that I was getting some needed "caregiver" support, and that I still love him. It's warring on my heart to not come to some ending... Even if it means he no longer wants to be with me. How long am I supposed to wait until I try to approach the subject again? 💔

[kkat37]

Let him make the first move as hard as that may be it will talk some time and it has to be on his time since he was probably deeply affected by it.

[HisAngel in reply to kkat37]

Thank you. For a logical, problem-solver like me, it's just about the hardest thing right now. But, I love him and will wait.

[guynfl2chat]

It really depends. Sometimes when we have anxiety and you cause it to be heightened-- you become a trigger. I would let him come to you and let him know you love him. If you truly cannot be compassionate during "an episode" he maybe questioning his relationship with you. Alot of us with anxiety have been put down by friends, doctors and family. This leaves a nasty mark and it can only be healed by understanding, acceptance and compassion. Proceed with caution and if you truly love him (with or without anxiety) it will work itself out.

[HisAngel in reply to guynfl2chat]

Thank you for responding. It's more along the lines of "I just don't understand," rather than it being specific to his anxiety responses. I realize now that I have felt overwhelmed and without any support or anyone to talk to about my side of trying to do what's right to support him. I feel selfish, but I now know how necessary it is if we are to succeed... Given that he allows us to reunite. 🤞

[guynfl2chat in reply to HisAngel]

i dont think you have completely understand what he is going through, but accept and acknowledge it. We look so hard to be accepted in society and when someone near us dont accept us it hurts even worse. I can tell you I battle with that constantly.

[guynfl2chat in reply to HisAngel]

one more thing.. this is a good read...

medium.com/@wilw/my-name-is...

[6ixtyon1]

I hope that through some promise of counseling--even if it's extra--and another apology, this will let him know that you still love him, still care and are so sorry that this happened to him. Then, aside from the extra counseling (whether separately, or together), let it go and let him make the next move. A lot of times such folks feel they get in their own way, already, and really don't wish to put a wrench in anyone else's day--but, it can happen. They need to clear the deck on their own feelings about themselves, first, before they can deal with anything else. Ouch, I so feel for you...I had a meltdown, once, taking care of my mom because I really did feel so inadequate that day, and so slow and frustrated...she did forgive me, but I don't think she ever forgot it...we have to be so careful around others that we care for...I still wince just thinking about it...you are not alone!

[HisAngel in reply to 6ixtyon1]

Thank you. I'm happy to say that God open the door for us last night and we were able to make amends. Today we will delve into it further to determine what can be done better on both sides, so for now I'm happy that he forgives me. Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes, most times, I think I have to be perfect for him so that he doesn't have to suffer more on my account. I realize now how to handle things a little better and know I'll never be perfect at it.

[6ixtyon1 in reply to HisAngel]

Oh, so glad--joy! :>) I wish you both blessings and peace...this is such a difficult journey that you are both on, so any positive light on your path is a good thing! :>) Keep us posted and let us know how things are!

[HisAngel in reply to 6ixtyon1]

So here's the clincher... He got very upset with me last night about joining this online support. He basically accused me off using it to find someone else and that he want enough. I (very calmly) assured him that it's because I love him and want it to work that I reached out to others in similar relationship. At the time, he still wouldn't listen and stomped out of the room. However, this time, about 15 minutes later, he came out, very calm, and said that he supported me and said that if this was something I needed to do for us, then he was behind me. This is a big step for us. 😁

[6ixtyon1 in reply to HisAngel]

Keep going with that--it was a "pothole," but you both got over it...it's all about going forward and taking time to see some scenery, together...

[seekjoydaily]

Sounds like you have received some good advice and that you were able to talk to him and apologize and make amends. Have you thought about educating yourself about his condition so that you can better understand and relate to him in a way that is beneficial for both of you? Maybe you can ask your doctor about educational materials or support groups? The more you know, the better you will be able to respond when he has his anxiety attacks. Trying not to take it personally is perhaps the most difficult thing. But it's not about you, it's a physical problem. Is he currently taking any meds to help? Wishing you both the best.

[HisAngel]

He has been on a variety of medications for 20 years. And yes, I have read numerous articles on his disorders ( GAD, MDD, PAD), but the book knowledge doesn't play an active role in life. I am an independent fixer. If there is a problem, I am most likely going to try to solve it with logic and apply any prior knowledge and experience. Unfortunately, this kind of response is exactly what caused our most recent blow up. He refuses to go to therapy... Doesn't believe talking to someone helps him... So he relies on medication and his own research. It's a difficult balance.

[6ixtyon1]

Yes, that's a tough, tall order...sometimes, guys can be very unwilling to go to therapy. I don't know what it is about talking to a professional, but guys can sometimes feel as if they are under fire, for having feelings. I've rationalized many times that if a guy tells me what their issue is, it's ok to tell a licensed person, too...but, no dice. On the other hand, maybe therapy's been tried before and didn't do any good...there's always a second opinion, though...sometimes, that is the way in.