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How to know when a relationship causes you too much anxiety?

nycgal27 profile image
10 Replies

My S.O. and I have been through a lot over the past year or so. I love him but I still hold on to hurt he caused me from the past. Today he found out he got accepted into this internship program that pays really well, I’m happy for him because he worked so hard and he deserves it but I’m sad and anxious that I’m not good enough for him. I don’t know what I want anymore, and I don’t know if the relationship is worth it sometimes because of how anxious I feel because of him and how he treats me.

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nycgal27 profile image
nycgal27
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10 Replies
Straight profile image
Straight

Listen to your gut. If you feel anxious more than at ease than that’s a good indicator. It can be great for the first 6 months but for me the next 6 started to make me feel less and less comfortable. When and if it ends it’s gonna hurt regardless of who ends it.

Don’t let that be the catalyst to take you down though.

nycgal27 profile image
nycgal27 in reply to Straight

You’re right. I just feel as if I’m pushed to the side sometimes and I’m not able to stand my ground without being belittled which makes me anxious as well.

Downandout123 profile image
Downandout123 in reply to nycgal27

I think you just answered your own question.😔

PT81 profile image
PT81

Sorry about the corniness, but you have to deal the the hurt from the past to have a chance in the future. If you don’t, you may always feel anxious about him/yourself/relationship and accept being treated poorly.

nycgal27 profile image
nycgal27 in reply to PT81

Not corny at all! I have been trying to work through it with him but even for small issues he would rather just get it over and done with. I’m not the type of person to be hard headed like he is. It makes me anxious to even bring up an issue sometimes which isn’t a good sign.

PT81 profile image
PT81 in reply to nycgal27

Not really but we all have been in that position of feeling anxious talking to our partners. Do you think you’re having a harder time right now b/c of the added stress of Covid? Do you think you’ll be able to make a more rational decision in a couple of months?

Some guys are just less expressive with emotions, even when they don’t want to be. Does your SO fall

In this category? Would he ever consider couples’ counseling?

Glitter28 profile image
Glitter28

I know the feeling!!! My S.O. Basically moved 6 hours away and is barely home and I am here with our child together with no help as far as getting a break for my own sanity. I struggle with trust issues because I have caught him in lies before and have been there for him and supported him in his decision to move for a great job but it still hurts because I’m the one doing the parenting alone and he also has 2 kids from his ex who is also in the same state as him and he is always there for them and I feel like baby and I are always last.

nycgal27 profile image
nycgal27 in reply to Glitter28

I understand where you are coming from. Although we do not have any children, I can’t imagine how difficult it must feel. I haven’t seen him in almost three months due to quarantine which has been difficult but it’s the lack of emotional support on his part that has been making me the most anxious. I have trust issues and other anxieties that have stemmed from his actions but yet he makes me feel as if I’m the one who’s burdening him with my “problems”.

Glitter28 profile image
Glitter28 in reply to nycgal27

I have relationship anxiety like bad! He keeps his phone attached to him won’t let me have his password and I have caught him years ago talking to someone and it took months to get the truth out of him. I don’t trust my S.O. I am always shut out emotionally by him and when I want to talk about how we could make our relationship better it’s like I’m talking to a wall! It hurts when someone emotionally shuts you out and does not support you! When I was about to have our daughter he started that job and was gone for 2 months up until the week I had our daughter and when he came through that door the first thing he said was don’t even ask me for “the deed” so of course I was suspicious and hurt. I hate that you haven’t been able to see your S.O. you can tell u love him or else u wouldn’t be fighting this hard to try to understand why am you are being emotionally shut out and that’s the same question I ask myself all the time. There are days where I really want my marriage to work and other days to where I want to run and not look back and burn that bridge!

nycgal27 profile image
nycgal27 in reply to Glitter28

Me too! I honestly think quarantine has been good for our relationship because it’s made us focus more on each other and communicating but that also has its problem. Maybe for you it’s the same, but I can go without seeing my S.O. if I have to and have it be bearable if he’s emotionally responsive to my anxieties and needs. If he isn’t, which he hasn’t been lately it makes things really hard for me. I’m sure your daughter will always see that you’re there for her and present in her life and as hard as it is to be shut out, you’ll always have her. Sometimes I want to ignore him but he won’t bother to speak to me either to mend things so I don’t know how to get the message across to him anymore that his actions hurt me.

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